Shrek Page #20

PRIEST:

...of our new king...

FIONA:

Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead

to the "I do's"?

FARQUAAD:

(chuckles and then motions to the priest

to indulge Fiona) Go on.

COURTYARD:

Some guards are milling around. Suddenly the dragon lands with

a boom. The guards all take off running.

DONKEY:

(to Dragon) Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN.

If we need you, I'll whistle. How about

that? (she nods and goes after the guards)

Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You

wanna do this right, don't you?

SHREK:

(at the Church door) What are you talking

about?

DONKEY:

There's a line you gotta wait for. The

preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or

forever hold your peace." That's when

you say, "I object!"

SHREK:

I don't have time for this!

DONKEY:

Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen

to me! Look, you love this woman, don't

you?

SHREK:

Yes.

DONKEY:

You wanna hold her?

SHREK:

Yes.

DONKEY:

Please her?

SHREK:

Yes!

DONKEY:

(singing James Brown style) Then you

got to, got to try a little tenderness.

(normal) The chicks love that romantic

crap!

SHREK:

All right! Cut it out. When does this

guy say the line?

DONKEY:

We gotta check it out.

INSIDE CHURCH:

As the priest talks we see Donkey's shadow through one of the

windows Shrek tosses him up so he can see.

PRIEST:

And so, by the power vested in me...

Outside

SHREK:

What do you see?

DONKEY:

The whole town's in there.

Inside

PRIEST:

I now pronounce you husband and wife...

Outside

DONKEY:

They're at the altar.

Inside

PRIEST:

...king and queen.

Outside

DONKEY:

Mother Fletcher! He already said it.

SHREK:

Oh, for the love of Pete!

He runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the ground hard.

INSIDE CHURCH:

SHREK:

(running toward the alter) I object!

FIONA:

Shrek?

The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek.

FARQUAAD:

Oh, now what does he want?

SHREK:

(to congregation as he reaches the front

of the Church) Hi, everyone. Havin'

a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first

of all. Very clean.

FIONA:

What are you doing here?

SHREK:

Really, it's rude enough being alive

when no one wants you, but showing up

uninvited to a wedding...

SHREK:

Fiona! I need to talk to you.

FIONA:

Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little

late for that, so if you'll excuse me

- -

SHREK:

But you can't marry him.

FIONA:

And why not?

SHREK:

Because- - Because he's just marring

you so he can be king.

FARQUAAD:

Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.

SHREK:

He's not your true love.

FIONA:

And what do you know about true love?

SHREK:

Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -

FARQUAAD:

Oh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen

in love with the princess! Oh, good

Lord. (laughs)

The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The

whole congregation laughs.

FARQUAAD:

An ogre and a princess!

FIONA:

Shrek, is this true?

FARQUAAD:

Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona,

my love, we're but a kiss away from

our "happily ever after." Now kiss me!

(puckers his lips and leans toward her,

but she pulls back.)

FIONA:

(looking at the setting sun) "By night

one way, by day another." (to Shrek)

I wanted to show you before.

She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self.

She gives Shrek a sheepish smile.

SHREK:

Well, uh, that explains a lot. (Fiona

smiles)

FARQUAAD:

Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards!

I order you to get that out of my sight

now! Get them! Get them both!

The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights

them.

SHREK:

No, no!

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