Shrek Forever After Page #11

Then he started sniffing.

Donkey:
Wait a minute. I think I got something.

He sniffed the air some more, walking around a bit.

Donkey:
Whatever it is, it’s sweet.

Shrek:
Fiona.

Donkey:
Luscious and tasty.

Shrek:
(frowns) Hey! That’s my wife you’re talking about.

The donkey then abruptly rose his head up, and dashed off into the forest.

Shrek:
Donkey!

Donkey started sniffing the ground in the forest like a bloodhound, and to his surprise and happiness, he saw an unguarded plate of stacked waffles coated in syrup sitting on a stump.

Donkey:
Yeah! Waffles! And I thought the Waffle Fairy was just a bedtime story. (rushes up to plate) Sticky stacks of golden, syrupy deliciousness!

Shrek:
Donkey! Don’t eat that!

Donkey stopped and frowned.

Shrek:
There’s a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest. Don’t you find that a wee bit suspicious?

Donkey only gave an "I don't know" kind of mumble before trying to take a little nibble of the waffles, but Shrek kept protesting against it.

Shrek:
Oh, you…(as Donkey prepares to nibble) I’m just…What are you…? Bad Donkey! Mustn’t--I said, don’t! Don’t! No! Get away from it.

But Donkey extended his tongue out and licked the dripping syrup of the waffles.

Shrek:
You did.

Then, without warning, the plate flung the waffles onto a tree. Donkey quickly realized it was a trap.

Donkey:
Uh-oh.

The stump flipped open like a lid and looked at the hole, rather confused because it didn't seem like an effective trap to him. However, that was not the full trap. Shrek glanced around, seeing hidden pulleys and counterweights turning, and then a log came swinging out to the direction of the two.

Shrek:
(ducks) Look out!

But Donkey didn't duck in time, as he got hit in the end by the log, sending him into the hole. The ogre ran up to the hole, lifting the lid, seeing Donkey lying there.

Shrek:
Donkey! Are you OK?

Donkey:
I’m fine.

But then his hooves got snagged by a rope trap and he was yanked away, screaming.

Shrek:
Donkey.

He leaped into the hole and saw it led to a tunnel, and because it was small to walk through, he had to crawl through it.

Donkey's Voice:
Help! Help me! Help, Shrek! Help!

Then he came out through the other end, pushing the roots, and when getting up, he was awestruck at where he was. He was in some hidden camp with ogres like him roaming about, carrying stuff and doing chores. He wandered around in amazement, looking at the sights, making him grin a bit. A blacksmith ogre was sharpening a tool and a female ogre was carrying an anvil of some sort. As Shrek kept wandering, two ogres carrying a log were coming from behind him.

Ogre #1:
Watch your head.

He then ducked, letting the two ogres lift the log over him. Then three ogres, including a female one named Gretched, came around him.

Ogre #2:
Hey, it’s a new guy!

Ogre #3:
Look at him, all dressed up in his Sunday vest.

Gretched:
He’s really tiny, isn’t he?

Ogre #2:
Yeah.

Then, a slender ogre taller than Shrek, known as Brogan, came behind our main ogre, putting his arm around him.

Brogan:
Fate has delivered us a comrade-in-arms and for that, we are thankful. Suit him up!

The other ogres then took Shrek to get suited up.

Ogre #3:
Let’s go, greenie.

Shrek:
Now, wait a minute!

He was placed on an armor vest, along with some wrist bands, and a helmet. One ogre smacked him in the rear to get him going.

Shrek:
Hey!

Brogan:
Here you go.

An axe was tossed into Shrek's arms, which Shrek luckily caught. Three ogres each threw an axe at three different dummies wearing witch's clothes. One ogre even tackled a witch dummy, and brawled with it. Shrek

Brogan:
Welcome to the resistance.

Shrek:
(confused) Resistance?

Brogan:
(puts arm around Shrek) We fight for freedom and ogres everywhere!

He then held his nose and started blowing a toot through his ears, and then, all the other ogres held their noses and blew through their ears. When the blowing was done, the resistance ogres hooted and laughed while Shrek was even more stunned than already.

Shrek:
I didn’t know we could do that.

Suddenly, he heard a certain donkey yelling for help, and he turned to see Donkey being carried upside-down by two ogres and tied to some sticks.

Donkey:
Help! You can’t eat me! I got the mange! I’m poisonous! I’m all poi…

But one of the ogres stuffed an apple in his mouth, resulting in Donkey to yell, muffled. Then Shrek grabbed Donkey by the sticks.

Shrek:
I’ll take him! This order’s to go.

One of the ogres carrying him, a chef ogre named Cookie then grabbed the sticks.

Cookie:
Hey! I haven’t removed his giblets yet.

Shrek:
Trust me, you don’t want to eat this one.

Donkey:
(spits out apple) I go down smooth, but come out fighting!

The two ogres ended up having a tug-of-war with Donkey.

Shrek:
Let go!

Cookie:
Don’t make Papa mad.

Shrek:
Your dinner is my friend!

Brogan came over, trying to break up the two.

Brogan:
Come on, guys!

Cookie:
I got to get the giblets out!

Then, a horn was sounded, stopping the fight and getting all ogres' and Donkey's attention.

Ogre #4:
She’s back.

Shrek turned and saw a figure arriving on the hill, who was clad with a helmet and armor, and holding an axe in her hand. She removed her helmet, and revealed to be none other than Fiona (in ogre form). She stood there, with the wind blowing her hair, giving it a dramatic flare. When Shrek saw her, he grinned in so much relief.

Shrek:
There she is. (hands axe to one of the ogres) Fiona!

He began running up to Fiona, who noticed Shrek running up to her.

Shrek:
I’m so happy I found you!

Of course, because Shrek was never born, Fiona did not accept/return the embrace. Instead, before Shrek could hug her, she lifted up her foot and kicked Shrek in the face, sending him flying, yelling in slow-motion, before crashing to the ground. The ogres winced while some couldn't help but chuckle a bit. The groaning Shrek got up as Fiona walked up, handing her axe to Gretched, and her helmet to Brogan.

Fiona:
Maybe you missed orientation, but for future reference, personal space is very important to me.

Shrek then looked very worried.

Shrek:
You don’t know who I am, do you?

Fiona:
No. (to Brogan) Brogan, I have news from Far Far Away. Gather the others and meet me in the war room.

Shrek:
Fiona.

Fiona:
Gretched, make sure everyone is prepared to move out tonight.

Shrek:
I need to talk to you.

Fiona:
What is it?

Shrek:
OK, I know you don’t remember me, but…we’re married.

Needless to say, she gave a confused look.

Shrek:
Hear me out. I was at the birthday party with some pigs and a puppet, the villagers wanted me to sign their pitchforks, and this boy kept saying, "Do the roar. Do the roar. Do the roar."

As he explained and tried making it sound as believable as he could, Brogan and Gretched were equally as confused as Fiona.

Shrek:
Then I punched the cakes that the pigs ate and the next thing I knew, my donkey fell in your waffle hole.

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