Shrek the Musical Page #4

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Embrace the cookie cutter in Duloc

We're all the same

The upshot is enormous

when you can shout...

- "Conform us!"

- Yes, things

Are looking up

Here in Duloc

Hey, let's hear it for those Duloc

dancers! Aren't they terrific, huh?

Ha!

POW!

Come on! Ha! Ooh!

Ooh! Oh!

Boys!

There's no sign of slowing

We're growing! We're growing!

Look, he's growing!

And growing!

And growing!

Look at him grow

Just look at me grow!

Things are looking up here

We practiced this pan'

both forward and back

We make one mistake

and we get the rack

Things I'm cooking up here

He taught us to dance

with razzamatazz

He's trained

in ballet, flamenco and jazz

My hard work and my rigor

Have made me so much bigger

Things are looking up

Things are looking

up here in Duloc!

- Ahhhh

- Here in Duloc

Ahhhh

Up, up, up, up, up!

And now, good people of Duloc,

the moment you've all been waiting for.

The raffle drawing to determine who

will have the honor of setting forth

to rescue the lovely Princess Fiona

from the fiery keep of the dragon!

- Spin that barrel!

- Excuse me.

- No, come on!

- Don't leave me!

- No, no...

- No, no, no, no!

- Hey, are you Lord Farquaad?

- Ah!

Maybe.

Does the name

strike fear in your heart?

No, but that little hat does.

Who let this thing in here?

Look, I'll be out of your silky hair

as soon as you give me my swamp back.

- Your swamp?

- Yes, where you dumped

- those fairy-tale creatures.

- News flash, ogre,

that oozing mud pit is actually

within the province of Duloc,

therefore under my jurisdiction.

- Now look here, half-pint!

- Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

- Oh, this is too perfect.

- What is?

You! You're big and hulking

and wonderfully expendable.

People of Duloc,

we have a winner!

Congratulations, ogre.

You've won the honor of embarking

on a great and noble quest!

- But we're already on a quest.

- To get my swamp back!

Yes, and you've nearly

accomplished it!

All you need to do

is one more simple little task,

and I'll hand over

the deed to your swamp.

And what exactly is

this little task?

There's just this package

that I need picked up.

Miss Duloc, fill them in

and show them out!

My people, your

queen is on her way

Things are looking up

Things are looking up

Things are looking up here in Duloc

Here in Duloc

And no one's gonna bring

Me down

Little task, my hoof!

Rescue a princess? Fight a dragon?

Man, we got jacked!

We? I don't remember inviting a

donkey on this leg of the journey.

I don't get it, Shrek.

Why didn't you just make him

give you your swamp back?

Ooh! Pull some of that

ogre stuff on him.

You know, throttle him,

lay siege to his fortress.

- The whole ogre trip.

- For your information,

there's a lot more to ogres

than people think.

- Hm. Example?

- Example. OK.

Ogres are like onions.

- They stink?

- Yes. No!

- Uh, they make you cry?

- No!

You leave them out in the sun,

they get all brown

and start sprouting

little white hairs.

No! Layers.

Onions have layers.

Ogres have layers.

Onions have layers. You get it?

We both have layers!

Oh... You both got layers.

But you know,

not everybody likes onions.

Parfaits! Everybody likes parfaits,

and they have layers!

Have you ever met a person that said,

"Hey, let's get some parfaits,"

and they be like,

"Hell no, I don't like no parfaits!"

- Parfaits are delicious.

- I don't care!

Ogres are not like parfaits!

Parfaits might be the most delicious

thing on the whole damn planet.

This may turn into the longest day

of my entire life.

- I got the perfect remedy for that!

- Oh, no, I'm not interested.

Sing a song, yes, a travel song

When you gotta go somewhere

'Cause the fun is

getting there, yeah

What the heck

I must confess I love a road trip

Sing a song, hit the trail

Forget the maps, forget the guides

Before you know it

you've made strides with me

And I know all I need all along

is a path and a pal and a song

So I'm singin'

and I'm pallin' with you

See?

Makes the time go by faster!

- Why me? Why me?

- This is nice.

- Tell me what was my crime?

- We are strolling.

As chatty as a parrot

More annoying than a mime

Hey look, a cat who's wearing boots!

That's crazy!

Why me? Why me?

- A simple answer would be fine

- This is good cardio.

Won't someone please

send me a sign?

Look, a sign!

Yunita Pal Avenue straight ahead!

What did I do

to deserve this, honestly?

This ass of mine is asinine

Why me?

- You see the little bunny?

- Aye, he looks delicious.

An ogre!

What's so funny?

I just got the "He might be

compensating for something" joke.

- Why do you have to tell me stories?

- We started fighting.

I was watching my stories...

As I lay in the jungle!

There's a green man and a donkey!

Oh, man, what could

be better than this?

- Why me?

- Sing a song!

- Why me?

- Hit the road!

- A simple answer would be fine

- It's the way to get around

Won't someone please

send me a sign?

Before you know it

you've gained ground with me!

- What did I do to deserve this?

- And I know all I need all along

Is a path and a pal and a song

- This ass of mine is asinine

- So I'm singin' and pallin'

Finally! The bridge

to the dragon's keep. Let's go.

Um, Shrek, remember

when you said ogres have layers?

Oh, aye.

Well, I got a little confession to make.

Donkeys don't have layers.

We wear our fear right out there

on our sleeves.

You can't tell me

you're afraid of heights.

Uh, no, I'm just a bit uncomfortable

about being on a rickety bridge

over a boiling lake of lava!

Whoo! Wow!

That is so interesting.

Because I happen to have

the perfect remedy for that.

Oh! You do?

What are you doing?

Sing a song

Yes, a travel song

That's what you've done all day

Not funny, Shrek!

Before you know it

you're halfway with me

Ignore the fire

and the peril and the lava

Whoa!

- And I know all I need all along

- Let me off! Let me off!

- Is a path and a pal and a song

- Stop it!

- So I'm singin'

- Oh, no!

- And I'm pallin' with you

- This is so wrong!

All right, fine!

- Why me? Why me?

- There you go.

- Why God, oh, why?

- Just don't look down.

I'm too old to wet myself

and much too young to die

Oh!

- I'm looking down! I'm looking down!

- Donkey...

- This is it! This is where I bite it!

- Donkey...

Say goodbye, Shrek,

I'm goin' to heaven!

- Donkey! Just let go, I'll pull you up!

- Are you crazy?

I've got your hoof,

I'm not gonna drop you!

Whoa! Shrek!

What did I do to deserve you

My pal evermore?

We crossed a bridge together

What a beautiful metaphor

- Why me? Why me?

- I'm singin' and I'm pallin'

- Why me?

- And I'm travelin'

- With you

- With you

That'll do, Donkey.

That'll do.

- Thanks, Shrek.

- Let go. No hugging.

Oh, Shrek! Was that you?

Man! You gotta warn somebody

before you just crack one off!

My mouth was open and everything!

Believe me, Donkey,

if it was me, you'd be dead.

- It's brimstone.

- Yeah, right, brimstone.

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