Shrek the Musical Page #6

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'Cause I will.

I said good night!

She seems nice.

"By day one way,

by night another,

this shall be the norm, until

you find true love's first kiss

and then take love's true form. "

And this is what I realized,

if we escaped a dragon,

man, we could do anything.

Hey, I could be a steed.

Ooh! Or I could work

the Crusades circuit if I wanted to.

I could even be one of those horses

that pulls those wagons full of beer!

I'd have to get some hair extensions

on my ankles, but I could do it.

- Who do you wanna be?

- I don't want to be anyone.

Just for fun, though,

who would you pick?

- I wouldn't. Donkey...

- No, but if you had to.

Like, if a guy had a sword

at your throat and he was like,

"Look here, you can't be an ogre

anymore, pick something else,"

then who would you pick?

I would pick that guy up

and hurl him into a tree!

Man, you are no fun at all,

you know it?

Is this what it's gonna be like

when we finish rescuing the princess?

Us sitting around our swamp

all day doing nothing?

Our swamp? Donkey, there is no "our. "

There's no "we. "

There's just me and my swamp.

And when I do get back,

the first thing I'm going to do is

build a ten-foot wall around my land.

You cut me deep, Shrek.

You cut me real deep just now.

What's your problem anyway?

What you got against the whole world?

I'm not the one with

the problem, OK?

It's the world who seems

to have a problem with me.

You saw how that princess reacted.

That's how it always is.

People take one look at me and it's all,

"Help! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!"

They judge me

before they even know me.

That's why I'm

better off alone.

But you know what, Shrek?

When we met,

I didn't think you was just

a big, stupid, ugly ogre.

Yeah, I know.

So there's really no one else

you'd rather be?

I guess I'd be a hero

With sword and armor clashing

Looking semi-dashing

A shield within my grip

Or else I'd be a Viking

And live a life of daring

While smelling like a herring

Upon a Viking ship

I'd sail away, I'd see the world

I'd reach the farthest reaches

I'd feel the wind

I'd taste the salt and sea

And maybe storm some beaches

That's who I'd be

Or I could be a poet

And write a different story

One that tells of glory

and wipes away the lies

Into the skies I'd throw it

The stars would do the telling

The moon would help with spelling

And night would dot the I's

I'd write a verse, recite a joke

with wit and perfect timing

I'd share my heart

Confess the things I yearn

And do it all while rhyming

But we all learn

But we all learn

An ogre always hides

An ogre's fate is known

An ogre always stays in the dark

And all alone

So, yes, I'd be a hero

And if my wish were granted

Life would be enchanted

Or so the stories say

Of course I'd be a hero

And I would scale a tower

to save a hothouse flower

And carry her away

But standing guard

would be a beast

I'd somehow overwhelm it

I'd get the girl,

I'd take a breath

And I'd remove my helmet

We'd stand and stare

We'd speak of love

We'd feel the stars ascending

We'd share a kiss

I'd find my destiny

I'd have a hero's ending

A perfect happy ending

That's how it would be

A big, bright, beautiful world

But not for me

An ogre always hides

An ogre's fate is known

- An ogre always stays in the dark

- An ogre always stays in the dark

You're all alone

- All alone

- All alone

- And I know he'll appear

- So, yes, I'd be a hero

And if my wish were granted

Life would be enchanted

Or so the stories say

I believe the storybooks I read

By candlelight

And carry her away

A perfect happy ending

That's how

It should be

Good morning, birds

Good morning, trees

Oh, what a lovely day

The sun's so big

It hurts my eyes

But really, that's OK

A brand-new day with things to do

So many plans to make

I've had six cups of coffee

So I'm really wide awake

I've always been a morning person

A morning girl

Hooray!

Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep

Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep

Hooray!

Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep

Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep

Hooray!

Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep

Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep

Hooray!

Good morning, deer

I Say, have you heard

Today's my wedding day

I haven't met my husband yet

But I'm hopeful anyway

I'll wear a gown

We'll have a ball

And dance forevermore

He'll take me in his massive arms

And spin me round the floor

I've always been a morning person

A morning girl

Hooray!

- Why, good morning, Pied Piper.

- Ah! What's so good about it, huh?

I can't get these rats

to follow me!

I think you may need

to change your tune, mister.

Hey! Look here, lady, that's my...

Ah...

A brand-new start

A palette cleanse

As fresh as lime sorbet

Last night I was a monster

But this morning

This morning

This morning I'm OK

This morning I'm OK

Oh...

Why, good morning, men.

Mornin'.

Uh, Princess,

did you by any chance eat

a few of those funny little

mushrooms by the stream?

Of course not.

I'm just happy that it's a new day,

full of promise and fresh starts.

And the first thing

I would like to do

is to apologize

for my behavior yesterday.

We obviously got off on the wrong foot,

and I would like to make it up to you.

- You would?

- Yes.

You did rescue me, after all.

So I've gathered a basket

of berries for the trip,

and I made you each...

a daisy chain!

Oh, wow! Look at these!

They're beautiful, Princess!

- Aren't they beautiful, Shrek?

- Oh... Oh...

Oh! You'll grow to love them,

I promise. Lead the way!

So, uh...

So, Princess,

do you often frolic with rats?

And what if I do?

Oh, I don't know, Princess,

germ-infested vermin,

not exactly what I expected.

Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people

before you get to know them.

Ouch!

So, tell me about my groom-to-be,

Lord Farquaad. What's he like?

Well, um,

let me put it this way, Princess,

men of Farquaad's stature

are in short supply.

- Really?

- Yeah, but he is a little intimidating.

- Well, he must be!

- And yet very good at small talk.

What are you guys doing?

What? Just saying you might

want to lower your expectations a bit.

Yes, like three feet or so.

All right, all right, yuck it up.

It doesn't bother me. Not today.

After a lifetime of misery,

things are finally going my way.

Oh...

A lifetime of misery, right. OK.

- You chuckled.

- Huh?

When I said "lifetime of misery,"

you chuckled.

- Did I?

- Yes.

Look, I'm sure it was very difficult

living in a dragon-guarded tower.

- It was.

- I'm sure.

All right, then.

Although, it must've been nice

to have a roof and a cozy bed.

Which is more

than I had when I left home.

You're not actually comparing yourself

to what I endured?

I'm just saying you don't corner

the market on unhappy childhoods.

There are things you

don't know, you know.

About me.

About how rough I had it!

What, you run out of

shampoo a couple of times?

- I mean about my life!

- In that cushy tower of yours?

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