Shrek the Third Page #5

is nearly complete, Mummy.

And I assure you...

...the people of this kingdom

will pay dearly for every second...

...we've had to wait.

Break a leg.

On second thought,

let me break it for you.

Thank goodness. I was afraid

you wouldn't get back in time.

Where's Fiona?

Don't worry. She and the others

are safe... for now.

Let me guess. Arthur.

It's Artie, actually.

This boy is supposed to be

the new King of Far Far Away?

How pathetic.

Stand still, so I won't make a mess.

Charming, stop! I'm here now.

You got what you wanted.

This isn't about him.

Then who's it about?

I'm supposed to be king, right?

You weren't really next in line

for the throne.

I was.

But you said the King

asked for me personally.

Not exactly.

What does that mean?

I said whatever I had to say, all right?

I wasn't right for the job,

so I needed some fool to replace me.

And you fit the bill. So just go!

You were playing me the whole time.

You catch on real fast, kid.

Maybe you're not

as big of a loser as I thought.

You know, for a minute...

...I actually thought...

- What?

That he cared about you? He's an ogre.

What did you expect?

You really do have a way

with children, Shrek.

Leave me out with the waste

This is not what I do

It's the wrong time

She's pulling me through

It's a small crime

And I got no excuse

And is that all right, yeah?

Is that all right with you?

Is that all right, yeah?

If I give my gun away when it's loaded?

If you don't shoot it

how am I supposed to hold it?

Is that all right?

Is that all right?

Is that all right with you?

No.

No.

Had we stayed put like I suggested,

we'd be sipping tea

out of little heart-shaped cups.

Yeah, heart-shaped cups.

And eating crumpets

smothered with loganberries.

Yeah, loganberries.

- Shut up, Cindy.

- Yeah, shut up.

- No, you shut up.

- Stay out of this.

Who cares who's "running the kingdom"?

- I care.

- You should all care.

I have your badge number, tin can!

- Donkey?

- Princess!

Puss?

I am Puss, stuck here

inside this hideous body.

And I'm me!

But you're...

Everything's fruity in the loops,

but what happened is

we went to high school,

the boat crashed

and we got bippity-boppity-booped

by the magic man.

You poor sweet things.

I don't get it.

The cat turned into a little horse

that smells like feet. What's to get?

Who dat?

Where's Shrek?

Charming has him. He plans to kill Shrek

tonight in front of the whole kingdom!

All right, everyone.

We need to find a way out now.

You're right.

Ladies, assume the position!

What are you doing?

Waiting to be rescued.

You've got to be kidding me.

What else can we do? We're just four...

...I mean three, super-hot princesses...

...two circus freaks, a pregnant ogre

and an old lady!

Excuse me. Old lady coming through.

Mom!

You didn't think you got your fighting

skills from your father, did you?

Excuse me. There's still one more.

Why don't you just lie down?

Okay, girls, from here on out...

...we take care of business ourselves.

The Far Far Away Theatre at the

Charming Pavilion is proud to present...

..."It's A Happily Ever After

After AII."

Enjoy your evening

of theatrical reverie, citizen.

Oi! No food or beverages in the theater!

Places, everyone!

Easy!

Sorry. I was showing off

for the little one.

It's Bring Your Kids to Work Day.

Come here, beautiful.

Well, she's got your eye.

Who would have thought a monster like

me deserved something as special as you?

Little birdies, take wing

Flitting down from the trees they appear

And to chirp in my ear

All because I sing

Move it! Go!

My babies!

Help!

Hey, how's it goin'?

O to the K. The coast is clear.

Let's do this. Go, Team Dynamite!

I thought we agreed to use the name

Team Super Cool.

I recall it was Team Awesome.

I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.

Okay! From henceforth,

we will be Team Alpha Super Awesome

Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.

Ach de liebe! There is some strange

little girl over there staring at us!

Artie!

Wait, wait!

Where is the fire, senor?

Please. Don't act so innocent.

You both knew what was going on

and kept it to yourselves.

It's not like it seems.

It's not? I think it seems pretty clear.

He was using me. That's all.

Using you? You really don't get it.

Shrek only said

those things to protect you.

Charming was going to kill you, Artie!

Shrek saved your life.

Cue the spot!

I wait alone up here

I'm trapped another day

Locked up here, please set me free

My new life I almost see

A castle, you and me

Yes, a castle, you and me

Cherubs!

Tis I, Tis I

Upon my regal steed

Princess, my love

At last you shall be freed

I'm strong

And brave

And dashing my way there

With speed! With might!

With soft and bouncy hair!

- Through the blistering desert

- Hot!

- Across the stormiest sea

- Wet!

Facing creatures so vile

Foul!

So you can gaze upon me!

I knew you'd come for me

And now we finally meet

I knew you'd wait

And from my plate of love you'd eat

Who is this terribly ugly fiend

Who so rudely intervened?

Will Charming fight or flee?

Please rescue me!

From this monstrosity!

Fear thee not, honey lamb!

I will slice this thing up like a ham!

Oh, boy.

You are about to enter a world of pain

With which you are not familiar!

It can't be any more painful

than your lousy performance.

"Prepare, foul beast."

Prepare, foul beast, your time is done!

Could you kill me and then sing?

Be quiet!

I'm just having fun with you.

That's actually a very nice leotard.

Thank you.

Do they come in men's sizes?

Now that be funny!

Enough!

Now you'll finally

know what it's like...

...to have everything you worked for...

...everything that's precious to you,

taken away.

Now you'll know how I felt.

Sausage roll!

Pray for mercy from Puss!

And Donkey!

D:

Hi, honey.

Sorry we're late. You okay?

Much better, now that you're here.

So, Charming, you want to let me out of

these so we can settle this ogre-to-man?

Ooh, that sounds fun.

But I have a better idea.

No! Let go of me!

You will not ruin things

this time, ogre. Kill it.

Everybody, stop!

Oh, what is it now?!

Artie?

Who thinks we need

to settle things this way?

You mean you want to be villains

your whole lives?

But we are villains!

It's the only thing we know.

You never wish

you could be something else?

Easy for you to say. You're not

some evil enchanted tree.

You morons! Don't listen to him! Attack!

What Steve means is

it's hard to come by honest work

when the whole world's against you.

Right. Thanks, Ed.

Fair enough. You're right.

I'm not a talking tree.

But you know...

...a good friend once told me...

...just because people treat you

like a villain, or an ogre...

...orjust some loser...

...doesn't mean you are one.

What matters most

is what you think of yourself.

If there's something you really want,

or someone you want to be...

...the only person standing

in your way is you.

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