Sideways Page #5

Miles leads Jack into this small condo. The TV is on, and

it's MESSY. Amid the newspapers and junk mail and dishes, an

AB-ROLLER and an ancient SCHWINN EXER-CYCLE sit forgotten in

a corner.

INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S KITCHEN - NIGHT

Miles finishes twisting ice trays into a MOP BUCKET as it

fills with water in the sink. He puts the champagne in and

carries it into the --

INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

He takes a seat on the sofa next to Jack, who is watching

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?

MILES:

Let me show you something. The secret

to opening champagne is that once

the cork is released, you keep

pressure on it so you don't --

JACK:

(concentrated on the

TV)

Just a second. Guy's going for $2500.

Miles finishes opening the bottle with an elegant silence.

PHYLLIS (O.S.)

Ready for my close up!

The boys turn to see Phyllis now dolled up in thick make-up

and a PANTSUIT. Her eyebrows are painted and cock-eyed.

Overall she looks much worse than before.

PHYLLIS:

Oh, champagne! Miles, why don't you

bring that out onto the lanai? I

thought we could eat on the lanai.

EXT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LANAI - NIGHT

Miles and Jack are seated in webbed chairs around a circular

glass table. They are mid-meal.

Everyone is more than a little lubricated, especially the

birthday girl as she returns from the kitchen with another

plate of food.

JACK:

Mrs. Raymond, this is delicious.

Absolutely delicious.

PHYLLIS:

(sitting)

They're just leftovers.

JACK:

Is it chicken?

PHYLLIS:

I could have made something fancier

if a certain someone had let me know

that a certain someone was coming

for a visit with a certain special

friend. Could have made a pork roast.

MILES:

It was a surprise, Mom.

PHYLLIS:

And I could have already put clean

sheets on the other bed and the fold-

out. You are staying. Wendy, Ron and

the twins are picking us up at 11:30

to go to brunch at the Sheraton.

They do a magnificent job there.

Wendy is so excited you're coming.

Silence. Jack freezes, his fork halfway to his mouth.

MILES:

You talked to Wendy?

PHYLLIS:

Just now. She's thrilled. And the

kids.

MILES:

(trying to be chipper)

Yeah, well. You know, Jack's pretty

eager to get up to... you know, but,

uh, yeah. We'll see how it goes.

PHYLLIS:

Well, you boys do what you want. I

just think it would be nice for us

to be together as a family on my

birthday.

MILES:

Uh-huh.

(wiping his mouth)

I'll be right back.

He gets up and heads into the house.

INT. MILES'S APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT

Miles heads toward...

INT. MILES'S APARTMENT BEDROOM - NIGHT

...and goes directly to her dresser, opening a drawer filled

with bras, panties and stockings.

He burrows through his mother's lingerie until locating a

CAN OF RAID. A can of Raid?

He twists open the bottom and pulls it apart, revealing it

to be a SECRET STASH for valuables disguised as a common

household product. Inside are stacks of ONE-HUNDRED DOLLAR

BILLS.

MILES:

(quickly peeling some

off)

...six, seven, eight,...

(one more for good

luck)

Nine.

His task complete, he closes the drawer, and as he stuffs

the bills in his pocket, his glance falls upon FRAMED PHOTOS

atop the dresser --

-- A proud NINE-YEAR-OLD MILES poses in front of his childhood

San Diego home, showing off a WAGON filled with freshly

harvested lettuce. On the wagon is a hand-lettered sign --

"10 cents a bunch."

-- A Sears portrait shows the RAYMOND FAMILY: a much younger

Phyllis, her husband, and their two children -- a 12-year-

old Miles and seven-year-old Wendy.

-- Miles at his wedding. He and his bride VICTORIA look young

and attractive, their faces radiant and hopeful.

INT. MILES'S APARTMENT BATHROOM - NIGHT

Miles enters, flushes the toilet and leaves.

EXT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LANAI - NIGHT

As Miles slides open the door and takes his seat again, Jack

is pouring Phyllis another glass.

PHYLLIS:

And what was that other one you did,

the one where you're the jogger?

JACK:

Oh, that was for, uh, wait... That

was for Spray and Wash.

PHYLLIS:

Spray and Wash. That's the one.

JACK:

Yeah, I remember the girl who was in

it with me. She was something.

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