Sideways Page #6

PHYLLIS:

I just remember you jogging. So when's

the wedding?

MILES:

(irritated)

This Saturday, Mom, remember? We

told you.

JACK:

And Miles is my best man, Mrs.

Raymond. My main man.

PHYLLIS:

(another drink of

wine)

Miles, when are you going to get

married again?

MILES:

I just got divorced. Phyllis.

JACK:

Two years ago, buddy.

PHYLLIS:

You should get back together with

Victoria. She was good for you.

Embarrassed for his friend, Jack just stares at his food.

PHYLLIS:

She was good for you.

(turning to Jack)

And so beautiful and intelligent.

You knew her, right?

JACK:

Oh, yeah. Real well. Still do.

PHYLLIS:

I'm worried about you, Miles. Do you

need some money?

MILES:

I'm fine.

Miles takes another drink of wine.

CUT TO BLACK:

UNDER BLACK, a CARD --

SUNDAY:

MILES (O.S.)

Jack. Jack.

INT. MILES'S APARTMENT BEDROOM - DAY

Jack finally awakens with a start and finds Miles standing

above him, shaking him.

WIDE --

As Jack gets up, we see he has crashed on Phyllis's bed

adorned with all her decorative PILLOWS.

INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Still in her pantsuit and smeared makeup, Phyllis lies

sprawled and snoring on the sofa. On the TV, ostensibly never

turned off the night before, is an inane CARTOON.

As Miles opens the front door, he spots Jack heading toward

the TV to turn it off. Miles waves him off.

MILES:

(a loud whisper)

She'll wake up.

As they leave and Miles closes the front door quietly behind

him, we PAN to the flowers still wrapped and forgotten on a

side table.

INT. ROADSIDE IHOP - DAY

TWO PLATES OF FOOD float in front of two breasts tucked inside

a zippered uniform.

WIDER --

Disheveled and unshaven, Jack and Miles are served breakfast

by a young, innocently sexy WAITRESS. Jack leers after her.

JACK:

F***, man. Too early in the morning

for that, you know what I mean?

MILES:

She's a kid, Jack. I don't even look

at that stuff anymore.

JACK:

That's your problem, Miles.

MILES:

As if she'd even be attracted to

guys like us in the first place.

JACK:

Speak for yourself. I get chicks

looking at me all the time. All ages.

MILES:

It's not worth it. You pay too big a

price. It's never free.

They eat in silence a moment.

JACK:

You need to get laid.

Miles shrugs off the comment.

JACK:

It'd be the best thing for you. You

know what? I'm going to get you laid

this week. That's going to be my

best man gift to you. I'm not going

to give you a pen knife or a gift

certificate or any of that other

horseshit.

MILES:

I'd rather have a knife.

JACK:

No. No. You've been officially

depressed for like two years now,

and you were always a negative guy

anyway, even in college. Now it's

worse -- you're wasting away. Teaching

English to f***ing eighth-graders

when they should be reading what you

wrote. Your books.

MILES:

I'm working on it.

Miles concentrates on his eggs and hash browns

JACK:

You still seeing that shrink?

MILES:

I went on Monday. But I spent most

of the time helping him with his

computer.

JACK:

Well, I say f*** therapy and what's

that stuff you take, Xanax?

MILES:

And Lexapro, yes.

JACK:

Well, I say f*** that. You need to

get your joint worked on, that's

what you need.

MILES:

Jack. This week is not about me.

It's about you. I'm going to show

you a good time. We're going to drink

a lot of good wine, play some golf,

eat some great food, enjoy the scenery

and send you off in style.

JACK:

And get your bone smooched.

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