Silent Night Page #4

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my girlfriend so wasted,

she won't even know

if I f*** her in the ass.

You don't seem very happy

about Christmas, do you?

Let me tell you

about Christmas.

It ain't all candy canes

and pretty lights.

Christmas can f*** you up.

I heard this story.

This fella was pissed

that his wife left him

on account of him being

a dull man.

She took up with

a more exciting fellow.

The husband was distraught.

He went to the party

they were at

dressed as Santa,

took with him a weapon,

one he made with his own hands.

And he set about

killing them that was naughty.

The wife's boyfriend ran,

left her behind.

She begged for forgiveness,

pleaded for her life.

He had no mercy for sinners,

burnt 'em to a crisp.

He's still doing it too,

every year a new town.

Everyone knows that story.

It's an urban legend.

It ain't.

Have you been

a naughty girl, Deputy?

Who put you onto me?

Was it Frank, that creep?

That kid Dennis?

Just stay calm.

Karsson is Mr. Snow.

Hey.

Stop. I can work this out.

You can't work sh*t out.

Sh*t.

Are you hurt?

No.

- Where do you think he went?

- Wherever he feels safe.

Well, I'm on his tail now.

There's nowhere safe.

Sh*t.

- Hello.

- Dad.

Hi, princess.

Let me get your mom.

No.

I really need to speak to you.

What's going on?

You sound upset.

I'm not cut out for this job.

Are you kidding?

I spent 40 years on the force.

I know what makes

a good cop, Aubrey.

I'm not.

I can't do it.

I mean, maybe before

I lost John

I thought that I was brave

and intuitive like you, but...

I'm not.

I choked.

Dad, I choked.

Trust your gut.

When the time comes,

you'll know what to do.

Listen, don't go to the parade

tonight, Dad.

We have a situation

with one of the Santas

and he could be

really dangerous.

But don't tell Mom.

I don't want her to worry.

She doesn't have to worry.

This isn't the first time

a Bradimore had to bring down

a bad Santa.

You'll find him.

You'll catch him.

Good bye.

Public enemy number one.

- It's double S.

- Is it?

Karsson... it's double S.

Double S... double screwed.

Listen, the bars will close.

The whole town shuts down.

He can run, but he can't hide.

I want this son of a b*tch

behind bars before dawn,

or my aunt's my uncle.

I'm not so sure, Sheriff.

You're not so sure

about what, Deputy?

About Karsson.

He doesn't stack up.

- To what?

- As a suspect.

Don't put avocado

on the burger.

What?

Simple is always best.

Look, Karsson killed

Jordan and Alana,

then those two degenerates

at crazy Betty's motel.

Hell, he even tried to kill you,

didn't he? Have you forgotten that?

But Karsson was a coke dealer.

Why would he want to kill his clients

and what would be his motive

for killing Alana and Jordan

and the Morwood girl?

It doesn't make sense, sir, I'm sorry.

There you go again. Now you're

piling hummus on top of the burger too.

What if he was punishing them?

He knew Alana was cheating

on her husband.

He knew that Frank and Goldie

were making porn.

And who would know all that?

Someone they knew.

Someone they trusted.

You mean, like a drug dealer?

Sir, a drug dealer with morals?

Come on.

All right, I read

Brenda's magazine.

Christmas... the number one holiday

for people going nuts.

That's motive enough for me.

So I want you to get out there

and I want you to search every street.

Come on.

Past homicides around the holidays,

state by state.

Thanks.

Double S, my ass.

Aubrey.

Joe, hi.

What's this I hear about a dead guy

over on Watson?

Someone said the body was

electrocuted.

I don't know anything

about that.

I didn't believe it either.

Karsson's here, close.

I can smell it...

the smell of fear.

I don't smell it.

No. Well, that's not because

you are not attuned.

A crime fighter's senses

switch to something

almost primeval,

from when we hunted cave bears

and dinosaurs.

Sheriff, listen,

I have an article

from Metesca, Montana,

five years ago,

December 26th,

a multiple homicide.

The journal of the Santa from

"The Real Christmas Show"

puts him in Metesca

at the same time.

SQ?

We're looking

for the wrong Santa.

Epstein, we're coming in!

Jesus, what a pigsty.

He lives in here?

No, he travels in it.

He's living at the motel.

What a smell.

See if you can find

any weapons.

We're looking

in the wrong place.

Just who the hell

do you think you are, Deputy?

Don't you tell me

how to suss out a perp,

not when you choked

the one time you had the chance.

I f***ed up.

Okay? I f***ed up, sir.

I have to live with that

for the rest of my life.

You can trust me.

Mama Claus said, "Santa"

Mama Claus said, "Santa"

"Why do you look so down?"

Can't you get on a sleigh,

get on your way?

The boys and girls are waiting

on Christmas Day

What's the matter with you?

Turn that frown around...

- Daddy.

- Go, go...

- You promised you'd stop smoking.

- Go, Santa, go, go...

I will, honey bunch,

January 1st.

It'll be my

New Year's resolution.

I love you.

At least one of my girls

is still sweet.

Now you go get ready

for bed, okay?

Only if you say good night.

I will.

Come here.

What are you doing out here?

Tiffany says

you finished the guesthouse.

It's a doozy...

two bedrooms and a full bath.

I'm gonna show him.

- Make it snappy.

- Oh, yeah.

I want us all to drive into town

for the parade.

This won't take long.

Jesus.

Mayor Revie.

Hi, sir. I just wanted

to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Sheriff,

to you and the whole department.

Thanks for another year

of keeping our town safe.

I wanted to talk to you

about that, sir.

We have reason to believe

that we have a serial killer

at large in our community.

Yes, I know, sir.

It is shocking.

I am doing everything

in my power

to make sure that this maniac

doesn't strike again.

You're breaking up, sir.

I can't...

Hello? Hello?

Hello.

Bloody cell phones.

Poor Santa Claus,

giving out a million gifts,

never getting anything in return

except stale cookies.

It's true.

Santa gets shafted.

Well...

it's time to give back.

I'm gonna lighten Santa's sack.

It looks like Santa's gonna

come early this year.

Sh*t.

Is that my dad?

Don't stop.

I have a surprise for you.

Stay here.

- Have you been bad?

- F***, yeah, I have.

I'm ready when you are, killer.

Okay, I'm not laughing anymore.

You can-

You dick!

You should have seen your face-

classic.

How did you get over here

without me seeing you?

Get over where?

How did you get

from the bathroom

to the other side of the bed

without me seeing you?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I wasn't in the bathroom.

Okay, so the door opened

by itself?

Stop trying to scare me,

a**hole.

You know what?

I'm over this now.

F***. Come on.

Look, there's nothing.

Come on, stop f***ing around

and let's...

Tiffany!

Let me out of here!

What the f***?

Hey! Open LIP!

Tiffany!

Santa, you forgot the cookies.

He's a wolf

in sheep's clothing,

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