Silent Night Page #5

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hiding in plain sight.

I'll call Brenda,

get a vehicle description

and a license plate

for Jim Epstein.

He's Santa Claus, remember?

The parade is

the perfect cover.

Nah, he'll be on foot.

Is there any way

we can call off the parade?

I spoke to the mayor, told him

I had the situation

under control.

Listen, this freak

can't hide forever.

Sooner or later

they all make mistakes.

Merry Christmas.

Watch out, man.

Watch it, buddy.

Fake-ass Santas.

Sh*t, are you seeing this?

It's Epstein.

Hey, look out, man. Come here.

Sh*t, he's making a run for it.

- Is that a gun?

- Get out of the way.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas.

- Hold still!

- Freeze!

You nasty,

sadistic little prick.

See?

I told you I'd get him.

Cuff him.

Get over here.

Cast your mind back,

Christmas, '03.

Remember where you were?

Probably some herpes-ridden

crotch of a town like this, I suspect.

- Deputy.

- Metesca, Montana.

Does that ring a bell

in that dumb skull of yours yet?

My mind is blissfully bereft

of the effects of campanology.

Yeah, well, four people were

murdered there Christmas Eve.

The cops never found the killer.

Judicial ineptness is

a universal curse. I f***ing weep.

Yeah, well, six people

died here tonight.

I ask you,

what are the chances?

I'd say the odds of that

are pretty high.

Because it's that time

of the year, Sheriff.

Yeah, Christmas,

when people

go off the deep end.

Yeah, you know why.

'Cause they spend too much

and they drink too much

and they eat too much

and they think too much.

And they look around at all that

fake fun and happy laughter

and they go, "Where the f***

is my cup of joy?"

Where is my figgy pudding?

Where's my stocking

full of gifts?

Where's my Calvin Klein underwear,

my cable TV,

my replica Tim Tebow

NFL jersey?

Where's my fancy cologne?

Where's my gift-wrapped

Norman Rockwell wife,

and my beautiful,

happy, smiling children?

Where?

Nowhere.

Where are my friends,

my beaming friends who worship

the f***ing ground I walk on

"because I've had an awesome

f***ing year, man?"

And it doesn't take much

to put people over the edge.

Just a dirty look

or a bad word, yeah,

or a TV too loud

or some a**hole behind you

leaning on his horn.

Ring-ring! It's a telemarketer,

"Give me money for Haiti,"

or the Democrats,

or National Suck-My-Dick Week.

It's the most wonderful

f***ing time of the year!

But whatever it is

that you guys think I did,

I most certainly did not.

Yeah! I'm Santa!

Who the f*** do you think it is I am?

Charles Manson?

I don't understand

how he did it.

How does he go from

hearing kids' wishes

to going on a killing spree?

It just-

it doesn't make sense.

I told you before,

murder seldom does.

I want you to go look for

that other girl from the motel

and see if you can find

any more evidence.

You're good at that, yeah.

Giles and I will man the fort.

What the f***?

Karsson.

Turn around.

Turn around.

Turn around now!

Show me your hands.

Show me your hands, Karsson!

Don't make me laugh.

We both know

you don't have it in you.

Six-sided item...

"snowflake."

Of course.

Oh, my God.

Hi, you've reached

the Bradimores.

- Leave a message.

- Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

- Leave a message.

- Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

Guess I'll be heading home.

Oh, yeah?

Well, Merry Christmas then?

We wish you

a merry Christmas

And a happy new year.

What do you think this is,

"Glee"?

Go home.

Hey, and take the trash

while you're at it.

What is this, garbage day?

Hello?

What now, Deputy?

Listen, the red-and-white gift box

is a marker. He's marking his victims.

Don't be ridiculous.

I've got the killer

sitting in my jailhouse.

Listen, we got a box ourselves.

I'm going home to check on my parents.

Calm down.

A lump of coal?

Son of a b*tch.

Oh, big mistake,

bringing a flamethrower

to a gunfight.

Mom! Dad!

Mom! Dad! Mom!

Dad?

No.

Aubrey!

He tried to stop him,

that monster!

- No!

- Mom, Mom, stop, stop, stop.

Look at me. Look at me.

I'm going to go get him.

- I'm going to go get him.

- No, no, no.

No, no, Aubrey. It's not safe!

What's with the f***ing rain?

Hey, you a**hole,

get me out of here.

Which f***ing dickwad deputy

are you, man?

I just want to get the names right

on the complaint form.

Deaf and dumb?

All right, f***ing retard,

out of my way.

Oh, you want to rumble?

Okay.

F*** you. F*** Christmas.

And f*** your plastic face.

Not nice.

Oh, not nice? I'm sorry.

Brenda!

- Help!

- Brenda!

You f***ing bastard!

My father was a good man.

- Help!

- Brenda!

Help me!

Brenda.

You're okay. Get up. Get up.

Drop your weapon!

Ronald, please,

don't make me do this!

Silent night

Holy night

All is calm

All is bright...

Silent night

Deadly night

All is calm

But soft, it ain't right

Round up the virgins

Bouncing in chains

Hear them all sobbing

And screaming in vain

Screaming in agony

Screaming

"In agony -"

Silent night

Deadly night

Everyone saw

bloody red tonight

Shut all the toys

Better lock 'em up twice

Dash up the stairs

before losing your life

Cry as loud as you like

Nothing will

save you tonight

Silent night

Deadly night

The chorus is puking

At the sight

Hung by their ankles

And slaughtered with blades

Young little darlings

Just ripped at the seams

Screaming in agony

Screaming in agony

Silent night

Deadly night

Everyone saw

bloody red tonight

Shut all the toys,

better lock 'em up twice

Dash up the stairs

before losing your life

Cry as loud as you like

Nothing will save you tonight

Nothing will save you

Tonight

Nothing will save you tonight

Nothing will save you

Tonight

Nothing will save you tonight

Nothing will save you

Tonight

Nothing will save you...

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