Sisters Page #12

No.

I'll remember it.

Scratch my back?

There'? Mmm-hmm. Mmm.

Listen, Dad...

I'll buy the house as is and

Kate and Haley can stay here.

No, you won't.

Let me fix things. You've done enough.

Don't you have a plane to catch?

When are you gonna learn that

your help isn't always wanted?

I can't offer as much as Maura can,

but I do have some money.

Can I please live in your

house, temporarily, with Haley,

and fix it up?

Don't have to answer right away... No.

Please, just go home.

I have no more home.

Oh, pulling out the granddaughter card.

God damn it.

All right, I'll give you

two weeks to fix it up

and then I'm torching it for insurance.

Okay.

That's everything I have.

Can you fix the damage for that?

No.

But I'll help you do it.

Is Maura still in town?

No.

I thought you flew to Atlanta.

I didn't wanna leave town

until I said I was sorry.

And I think I melted my driver's license

in the microwave, the other night.

I'm sorry, Kate.

I'm sorry that I didn't tell

you that Haley was with me.

Will you forgive me for that?

I'm gonna milk it for a while.

Okay.

I made you something.

I was gonna send it to you,

but I didn't have any stamps

because they don't make them anymore.

"Sisters are always

there for each other."

"But some sisters

think they're hot sh*t,"

"and do super-intrusive,

f***ed-up things,"

"like secretly harbor the other one's

child so they can feel superior."

Quotes are usually short.

So are d*cks, but sometimes

you hit the jackpot.

Keep reading.

"And some sisters live their lives

in chaos, like a goddamn tornado,"

"so the other sister has to

clean it up all the time."

"So, they're both wrong. The end."

When I was party mom,

I realized that always having to

take care of everyone's sh*t sucks.

And I'm sure you realized

that it's not all fun being

selfish and leaving a mess.

It's pretty f***ing fun.

We need to say goodbye to this

house and who we were here.

You know, James told me

that a house is a building

but home is a feeling.

He's smart. You need

to lock that guy down.

I blew it with him.

No, he's still asking about you.

He is? Yeah.

He is the greatest

James just needs some...

No! Stop deciding

what other people need.

You need help. Let him help you.

I got to go scrub "I heart

balls" off the fridge.

I'm sorry I wrote that.

Wait! Mmm.

What do I do when I see him?

See, I'm asking for help already.

Find a way to make him come to you.

But go big-

Make it clear that you need him.

Help!

Help!

Help.

I know you used to be a lifeguard.

I need it.

Save me, please!

Oh, my God.

I'm drowning.

Don't die.

Come here.

Water feels good on my ballerina hole.

What about your dick burns'? Ooh.

Nice to meet you, Dick Burns.

How in the hell did you pull this off?

Well, I usually give 30% and I

went for the full 100 this time.

You might need one more coat.

What?

There we go.

Thanks for doing this. Oh, well...

Thank you for bringing me Dave.

He's really quite the tender love maker.

Big Dave.

Very big Dave. All right.

Big, big, big, big, big boy.-

Okay. I think Dave is

just what you needed.

Yeah.

Whoo! I can barely walk.

So, this is awesome.

Come on, girlfriend.

Dave has chlamydia.

Right, friendship.

Mom, this guy wants to know if

he can get 10% off his manicure

because he only has nine fingers.

Hang up. It's your grandpa pranking us.

Nice try, Gramps.

Gross! Get a room!

Ah, you know you love it.

It's 10:
00!

Champagne time.

I'm gonna do this every week.

Hae-Won, you're

incredible. Thank you, Jack.

High five! No.

Sorry. All right, everybody, gather up.

On behalf of my co-owner

Hae-Won and myself.

Yay! Thank you, Alex,

for investing in our dreams.

Just here to do my part.

Whoa! Hair part!

Oh, God. Here we go.

Yoinks!

There is a lid for every pot.

I'm gonna punch him right in the dick.

Let's do this!

Merry Christmas.

- Haley, you ready?

- I'm coming!

Hello! Hi.

Merry Christmas, my two angel.

And welcome to your new home!

Come on, let's go pick a room!

Really?

No, wheelie.

If this doesn't smell like our

Christmas, I will flip a table.

Hi!

Oh, hi!

- All right, hi!

- Oh, come here.

Look at you. No, look

at you. Look at you.

Cookies!

- Oh, how beautiful! Look at

these! - They're store-bought.

Good to see you. Good to

see you. Good to see you.

Did you make these? No.

No, I bought them at a gas station.

Still feels like our Christmas.

Yeah.

Because we're the home.

Yeah.

Come here, bootch.

Okay. Let me lead, I'm the big sister.

What kind of... F***.

Sorry. Bloopers! Yeah.

Whoo! Hey, I put in a special

request for our Applebutt...

Hey, I F*** me, sorry. F***, sorry.

Can I try it again? Ellis I... Sure.

Let's try again. Sorry.

Oh, you probably don't remember.

Oh, I remember.

Oh, I remember. I don't remember.

My safe word is "Dow

Jones Industrial Average."

My safe word is "geopolitical disaster."

My safe word is "pseudoparathyroidism."

That girl is poison.

She's dangerous.

I am done wasting words on

that cum-guzzling road whore.

Wow.

Sorry.

I can't believe that you haven't farted

this whole time.

Good job. Now I put

it in your head, sorry.

No, they've been silent.

Okay, here we go.

Has-Won. Am I saying it correctly?

Hae-Won.

I'm just gonna throw it away. Hae-Won.

No.

Hae...

Wait, I've got it.

Hae-Won.

Hae-Won.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Let me just see if I'm

pronouncing it correctly.

Sorry.

Hae-Won.

And cut.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes