Sitting Pretty Page #6

Here, Tony, drink this.

[ Groaning ]

What are you giving him? It's

all right. It's just ice water.

The water bottle got

smashed. Put it down.

Why? A drink of water

might be good for him.

When your mother gets here, she can drown

him in ice water as far as I'm concerned.

Until then, leave him alone,

and put it down.

[ Groaning ]

Sure you're calling

the right number?

Kindly credit me with enough intelligence

not to lose my head in a crisis.

Of course I'm calling

the right number.

[ Phone ringing ]

Hello. Yes.

What?

Oh, I'll call her right away.

What's the matter? What's

wrong? It's Tony. He's sick.

Tacey. Tacey!

Hi, mom. How is he,

dear? Is he any better?

I think so.

A little better.

Tony, baby. Did you

take his temperature?

No. I'm satisfied that he

simply has a bellyache.

No more, no less.

[ Tony groaning ]

Is the pain very bad, dear? Show

me where it hurts. Right here.

Of course, I could have handled

this crisis perfectly well myself,

only the child expressed a

maudlin desire for his mother.

Come on, dear. I'll

take you upstairs to bed.

There now. Are you all right? Uh-huh.

Mom, you gonna sleep here now?

No, I'm going back

to Mrs. Philby's. Why?

Because... oh, well, never

mind. It's a long story.

Now, you boys sleep late in the morning.

I'll be here to get your breakfast.

And don't wake Mr. Belvedere. We won't.

And as for you, dopey, the next time

you find a package of chewing gum,

be sure it is chewing gum.

[ Phone ringing ] [ Mr.

Belvedere ] Hello. Hello.

Mrs. Philby, I have now informed

you on three separate occasions...

That nature has resolved

Tony's gastric disorder.

[ Footsteps approaching ]

Mrs. King will return

in a few minutes.

No further bulletins will

be issued. Good night.

Silly woman. I'm sorry you

were disturbed, Mr. Belvedere.

I'm sure they'll go

right to sleep now.

Whereas I shall be plagued

with insomnia.

[ Doorbell buzzes ]

Now who could that be?

If you go to the door,

you need not conjecture.

Oh. Oh, please pardon

the intrusion, Mrs. King,

but I noticed

all your lights go on,

and, uh, knowing your husband

was away in Chicago,

I felt constrained to dash over

to see if anything was wrong.

No, thank you.

Everything is fine.

Well, just a neighborly call, you might

say, to offer my services if needed.

[ Chuckles ]

Good evening.

Or should I say good morning.

[ Scoffs ]

Did you borrow

your mother's binoculars...

To ascertain that our lights had

gone on? Oh, well, I, uh... I...

or were you perhaps looking

for pollen for your irises?

Well?

I see that I am not needed.

Your vision

is remarkably accurate.

Evil-minded little worm.

Do you know anyone who

has a beehive? What?

A good swarm of bees could

ruin his sheltered irises.

I know. But how could

you get them to swarm?

Uh, now don't tell me

you were also a beekeeper.

That is correct.

[ Chuckles ]

Good night.

Here you are, Mrs. Gibbs.

I know you'll enjoy it.

Thank you, Della. I certainly

liked the last one you recommended.

Good. Do come in again.

Oh, I will. Good-bye.

Good-bye, Mr. Appleton. Oh, Mrs. Gibbs.

So, what happened?

Well, as I was saying,

last night, or rather

early this morning,

I went over to the Harry kings'

on an errand of mercy,

and bear in mind Mr. King

has only been gone three days.

And there was Mr. Belvedere

in his pajamas,

and Tacey King

in a flimsy negligee.

Both of them cavorting about in the

most shameless way... drinking gin.

Why, I think it's the most...

what?

Oh, you're quite right, my dear.

It's my duty to tell Horatio.

Yes, of course. He demands

respectability above all things.

Mr. Hammond's office. Oh, yes,

Mrs. Hammond. One moment, please.

Yes?

Mrs. Hammond on the phone.

Oh, all right.

Yes, Martha, what is it?

No!

Why, that's outrageous.

And both of them drunk?

Well, go on.

What else did she say that Clarence

told her to tell you to tell me?

Uh-huh.

Hello, girls. [ Women ] Hello, Mr. King.

How are you, Peggy?

Everything under control?

Oh, yes, Mr. King,

and we got your wire.

Mr. Hammond was very pleased

that the matter was settled.

Swell. Uh, get my house for me,

will ya? I haven't been home yet.

But, Mr. King, Mr. Hammond wanted

to see you the moment you came in.

Oh. Okay.

I'll call the house later.

And that's where I nailed him.

He didn't have a comeback.

So, he talked it over with his clients,

and they signed on the dotted line.

Very good.

Very good, Harry.

Now, Mr. Hammond, uh,

how about that raise?

Uh, before

we discuss that, Harry,

there is something

of a personal nature,

of a very distressing nature,

which I feel it my duty

to take up with you.

I don't know

what you're driving at.

I am driving at this...

this Belvedere person.

Belvedere? Well, what's

Belvedere got to do with it?

Information has reached me, Harry, to

the effect that during your absence,

your wife and this Belvedere...

Have been having

quite a time for themselves.

[ Edna ]

Gee, Tacey, I think it's swell.

But do you think you've really

done justice to his nose?

Edna, will you wait

till it's finished?

I think it's darling of you, Mr. Belvedere,

to give Tacey a chance to practice like this.

My motives, Mrs. Philby,

are not entirely unselfish.

Someday they will need a bust

of me in the hall of fame.

The only virtue you lack,

Mr. Belvedere, is modesty.

- I do not consider that a virtue.

- Oh, I do.

That's what I like about Harry.

He's so modest.

Your husband has a great

deal to be modest about.

[ Clears throat ]

It amazes me how anybody can take wet mud,

mash it around and make it look like somebody.

Ladies, please. May I suggest less

conversation and more sculpture?

Oh, all right, all right.

This is very wearing.

I'm sorry. It's my fault. I just

meant to stop in for a moment.

I'll scram. Good-bye, Mr.

Belvedere. So long, sweetie.

Bye.

[ Door opens, closes ]

Your jaw isn't right.

My jaw is perfect.

Your reproduction is at fault.

You obviously have never

studied anatomy. Have you?

I have dissected many a cadaver.

Come here.

Now, if you place

your fingertips...

At the base of my jaw, so,

you can feel where the

orbicularis oris operates.

Now then, the jawbone.

That's okay.

[ Tacey ]

Mmm, do it some more.

[ Bird chirps ]

Well, this is

a cozy little scene.

Harry! I didn't expect you

till tonight. Obviously.

Would you mind telling me

just what you were doing?

I was permitting your wife

to massage my larynx.

And I might add, Mr. King, that

your greeting to your wife...

Is scarcely cordial,

to say the least.

You keep out of this. I'll

greet my wife any way I like.

Harry, what's the matter with

you? Oh, it's a fine thing.

I'm not back 10 minutes before Hammond

reads me the riot act about all this gossip.

Gossip? What gossip?

What are you talking about?

Gossip about you and Belvedere,

that's what I'm talking about.

And I don't mind telling you

it's jeopardizing my position.

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