Slaughterhouse-Five Page #3

I didn't, I...

I'm sure you didn't.

I'll talk some turkey

to that boy.

- What happened to me?

- You passed out, and I brought you in here.

Here. Try some of this.

This will fix you up.

Kinda hot.

Thank you.

- Attaboy. Taste

pretty good? - Uh-huh.

You don't have to stay.

What the heck. Might as well.

I got some food

back there.

I don't mean to be impolite,

but how come you're in the army?

I couldn't stay out. Not

with the Nazis and Japanese...

threatening

to conquer the world.

I've got a boy your age seeing

action in the South Pacific.

Hey, that's really something. Yeah.

I used to tell my students there's

a monster loose in the world.

I got tired of telling them, and I joined up.

I thought you were a teacher. Oh, come on.

You have that confidence

and a very good way with words.

I'll tell you one thing. We don't mince

phraseologies at Boston Trade and Industrial.

Oh, boy.

I wonder if my father

were still alive if, uh...

I don't think he would of.

Don't you ever

sell him short, son.

Mom would never

have let him.

You couldn't

blame her, could you?

But then

I'm lucky, I guess.

Margaret's a very

understanding woman.

We were

childhood sweethearts.

Hey, that's nice. You got a girl back home?

No one special.

Margaret's the only woman

I've ever known.

There's Margaret.

Aw, she looks awful nice.

She's just about everything

a man could ask for.

Oh, oh. What's this?

That's my mom

in our backyard.

Oh, you have

a very nice-looking mother.

Yeah, she is.

Very nice.

That's a nice house too.

That's the back.

It's a nice yard.

Nice.

When did you enlist?

It wasn't quite like that. I was drafted. Oh?

It's not that I didn't want to go,

I just wanted to finish school first.

Where were you in school? First year

of the Ilium School of Optometry.

An optometrist.

That's a very good field.

Yes, 'cause you're doing things for people,

and there'll always be a need for optometrists.

Boy, what you just said...

is a very good

philosophical way of life.

What? I mean about filling

a need and helping people.

Why, that's self-determination and free

enterprise backing itself up all the way.

That's why we're in Europe

stopping Hitler.

My name's Edgar Derby, son.

What's yours?

Billy Pilgrim. Billy, it's

nice to have you aboard.

Thank you. You had enough of that?

Yes, I did.

Thank you.

The English gave me

these boots for ya.

Don't mind the silver paint. They

did that for a skit about Cinderella.

It was darn funny. It was a lot of

singin' and dancin' and crazy stuff.

Yeah, I admire the English.

They have a great

philosophical way of life.

Keep themselves going. Putting

on shows. Gilbert and Sullivan.

What's this?

#She's his sweetheart #

#He's her vow #

Happy anniversary.

#He's her Billy #

#She's his Val #

Oh, Billy!

# They were married # Your

diamond! Why did you do it?

#Never to part ## When I go

on this diet just for you,

I'm going to be so sexy.

I'll make you so happy.

Just wait and see.

Look. Isn't it divine?

Goodness!

This diamond

has a story to it.

Billy actually found it

in Germany during the war.

Billy, tell 'em about it. Oh,

go ahead, darling, tell them.

No. Billy's too modest, so I'll tell you.

When he was a prisoner

in this...

Good boy, Billy.

Thanks.

They gave him

an awful coat to wear.

Congrats, Billy.

What was his name, hon?

Who? The one that was killed in Dresden.

- Edgar Derby.

- Oh, that's right.

Poor old Edgar Derby.

Oh, that was really awful.

They shot him for, uh...

What was it, Billy?

Well, anyway,

before that,

they found this diamond right

in the pocket of Billy's coat.

Lord knows how it got there, and Lord

knows why somebody didn't find it before.

It probably came

from some poor old Jew.

So many of them

have their money in diamonds.

Jesus, Dad!

I'm on the john.

My, God, Robert. There's a party

downstairs. Why don't you lock the door?

'Cause Mom broke the lock

the last time I locked it.

Can't I have any privacy?

What have you got there?

Where?

There.

Shouldn't be reading

that kind of junk, Robert.

Jesus!

Lads. Lads.

Hey, Billy!

- Billy. Over here.

Can I have your attention?

Please, please, please.

You're being transferred

to a camp in Dresden.

You're going to be leaving

for there this afternoon.

Actually, I'm

quite envious of you.

Dresden is a beautiful city.

Paid a visit there myself

before the war.

Besides being quite lovely,

it's quite safe.

It's an open city without war

industries or troop concentrations.

It's by far the safest place to

be until we get this all over with.

Now then, you must elect a leader. He's

going to be in charge of all this group.

You'll all be under

his direct orders,

and he will be your line of

communication with the Germans.

Nominations are now open.

You need a leader.

I nominate

Paul Lazzaro.

Lazzaro. Right.

Anyone else?

Well, then...

I nominate Edgar Derby.

Anyone else?

You'll be responsible,

to this man you elect,

and he'll be responsible

to the Germans.

So if you mess him up, he's

the one they're gonna be after.

Oh, yeah? Hey, pop, you

want it so bad; you got it.

I un-nominate Lazzaro.

I don't think it will come

as a surprise to anyone...

when I introduce our Lion's Club

president for the coming year.

Our own Billy Pilgrim.

- The floor's all yours. Good luck.

- Oh, shut up, will ya?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you. Mr. Walters. Fellow Lions.

I want you to know I will do

my best to live up to the...

Confidence you've showed by "chosing"...

choose... by having chose me here today.

- Uh, and I know that

my first responsibility...

Is to see that each of you

gets through this safely...

and are reunited

with your loved ones.

I'd like to ask you... I know

we're all of different faiths,

but we're all Americans...

Oh, God.

To bow our heads together

and pray.

Oh, go take a flying f***!

If that isn't

the most obscene vulgar... Oh!

Is my bath ready,

Silvio?

Yes, Miss.

My robe, Silvio.

Honestly, to show this kind of junk

at a family drive-in. It's disgraceful!

Why do you avert your eyes

from me, Silvio?

Why you wanted to take

the children to it is beyond me.

Massalina can give you

salvation from... Oh, Robert!

You shouldn't see that! Mom! Hey!

Do you find Massalina

unattractive?

- Oh, gross!

- Wow!

- That's enough!

- Jesus, Mom! They show more in health class.

Take us home. I don't want

to hear another word.

- Silvio. - Did

you hear me? - Sh*t!

I will not tolerate that kind of

language in front of me, goddamn it!

I am not going to subject

myself to that filth...

or allow my children

to be subjected to it.

Billy, I am talking to you!

Come on.

Silvio. Silvio.

Billy!

Billy. Billy!

Come here.

See how you like this one.

"Dear Meg,

"We're on our way to Dresden where we'll

have to do some work for the Germans.

"It won't be war work because the

Geneva Convention prohibits that,

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