Sleeping with the Fishes Page #3

back like next week, all right?

- I'm fine.

- Fine?

Fine is an acronym

for f***ed-up, insecure,

neurotic, and emotional,

so terrific that you're fine,

but wouldn't you rather

be fine and happy?

- I'm happy.

- Mmm.

I'm happy.

And I'm... I'm really

close to clearing my debt.

Oh, your debt, that's right.

You mean the debt that you wouldn't have

if you hadn't overslept

and you would have actually

made it to the office

to serve him the divorce papers?

- Yep.

- Yep.

Yep, that's it, that's

the debt I'm talking about.

- That's the debt right there.

- You know, Lexie,

if you take this Wasserstein gig,

which my sources tell

me is two weeks away...

- Two weeks? Two whole weeks?

- Wait, wait, wait.

I will...

get all my open houses covered

and I will become your

personal assistant.

Your girl Friday of sorts.

Oh, my God!

We're gonna be like Wonder Twins, dude!

Ooh, Wonder Twin powers,

activate! Come on!

Form of...

a supermodel.

Oh, my God.

Seriously.

Lexie...

would it kill you to stay here

for a little while longer?

Fine.

Form of a toilet bowl.

No.

You have to be a liquid. Dude, come on.

- Seriously?

- Yeah!

Form of a stronger vodka soda.

Done.

You know, if Princess Leia

could choke Jabba the Hutt

and free herself while rocking a bikini,

then you, my darling sister,

can most certainly...

rebuild the lost Wonder Bash empire.

What is that, one of

your self-help books?

No.

It's a guide to the

best beaches in Hawaii.

Mmm, monkey humping must be paying well.

It's from my honeymoon, dude.

Oh. Sorry.

Well...

can't say it's not a beautiful picture.

Frosty drinks always

make for a good shot.

Shots. Shots! Come on!

Okay, hey, hey, hey.

I'm just throwing it out there,

but tomorrow, Freestyle

Fridays, what, what?

Oh, my goodness!

You, me, and a bottle are three.

Come on, what do you say? Super fun.

No, thanks.

You're right. You're right.

Why put off until tomorrow

what we can do today?

Shots, my darling!

Hey, I'm sorry that we didn't

get to know her very well.

You know, I'm sure

she was a great woman.

Actually she was miserable.

She was never happy after Ron died

and she... she kind of locked

herself away from the world.

Don't do the same.

You're gonna end up regretting it a lot.

I know she did.

If you learn anything from

me, it's to forgive, okay?

Leonard, let's go!

We have lots of people

waiting back at the house.

I'm not saying it's

easy, but you gotta try.

Hi. Cheers.

Ugh! Boxed wine!

- Dad is so cheap. Okay, listen.

- I love boxed wine.

Mrs. Wasserstein is in the

living room, we gotta talk to her.

Mira, hijas, you think this is a

proper time to conduct business?

Mom, we get it.

You don't approve, blah, blah, blah.

Well, at least brighten up that

sad, sad look on your face, Lexita.

- We're sitting shiva, Mom, it's sad.

- Yeah.

Well, if that's your excuse, so be it.

Either way, I think it's inappropriate.

But if you must... ay, mira...

at least put on some lipstick.

Okay, Mom, really?

Listen, I think she has a point.

You might want to smile a little bit...

Make sure she puts it on.

She needs color.

Hola!

Oh, my goodness. Well, hola to you, too.

You remember my sister Alexis?

Of course I do. How are you?

She... well, we are very excited

about helping Shari

with her Bat Mitzvah.

Well, I'm super excited, too,

'cause I'm getting two

for the price of one.

Well, metaphorically, right? Right?

I'm really, really appreciative

that you're doing this,

especially considering

the circumstances.

That is my daughter Shari.

- Hi.

Hey.

Hi.

Okay. So, um, why don't we

get started on the details

seeing that we're all here?

Can't start without a fist bump.

Wonder Twin powers...

Activate! Form of an iceberg.

- Fangirl?

- Totally. You?

- Since I'm, like, 23!

- Wow.

Super late start, but still super cool.

Right? Come on!

Okay, well, isn't this just fabulous?

Am I being "Punk'd"? Like,

where are the cameras?

Anyway, so I had Shari's

therapist's receptionist

make you a tip sheet.

Yes, it seems that

the last party planner

dropped the ball on a

whole bunch of things,

and the catering got

the bulk of the budget,

so you've really got

your work cut out for you.

Um, before we start, I'm so sorry.

I just wanna double-check on this date

'cause my understanding was

that we had two weeks, not one.

Uh, no, that's correct.

And besides, I hear that

you can make miracles happen.

- Yes, she can.

- Yes.

Okay, well, I guess, um,

we just have a lot to

do with a small window.

- What's left in your budget?

- Uh, hm.

Like I said, the caterer

took up a big chunk,

so I'd say about, mm, 2,035, 2,036?

Wow, okay, and how many guests

- uh, approximately have RSVP'd?

- About 60.

Wow, okay, well... ahem.

So what we're gonna

do is we're gonna just

compromise on the

venue and we'll just be

a little more selective as to

how many superheroes we hire.

Ahem.

Oh, oh... um, but, um...

but I'm sure that me and

my partner-in-crime here

can totally make miracles happen.

- You know it.

So, um, what is the number one superhero

that you just must have?

I love Wonder Woman.

- Oh.

- That's great!

And the Wonder Twins.

- Oh, my God, this is gonna be so awesome!

- Okay, not your party.

- Um, do you have a dress?

- Yep.

But Mom doesn't approve.

Uh, in this case, Mom is right

and you're gonna have to get something

that's a little bit more...

fitting for the occasion.

It's totally fitting.

People are starting to leave.

They want to get home before sundown.

Come say Shabbat Shal-adios.

Okay, well, you have my number.

Feel free to use it anytime

and I just wanna say that I think

it is fabulous that you are moving on.

This is going to be the best party ever.

Oh, and Kayla, don't forget Gleek.

The twins are nothing without him.

- You know that.

- Of course I do!

Who doesn't?

What? Why the frown, Charlie Brown?

Kinda slipped up on that

timeframe, huh, sister poo?

Oh, please, one week.

We can so do this.

Just pull out your

guns and start firing.

Wine and dine some old associates.

Just do your thing, sister.

I have seen you do it before.

Yeah, when I had a

business, Kayla, okay?

And you just promised

that little girl Gleek.

You promised her Gleek, and if my memory

serves me correctly,

Gleek is, um, a monkey.

Your memory serves you incorrectly.

He's a blue monkey.

Where are we gonna find

a blue monkey in Brooklyn?

The Bronx Zoo.

- Blue.

- We'll paint him!

- I'm done with

you, mm-hmm. - Nice.

Not very

Wonder-Twin-like of you.

Shalom.

Titi wants to see you.

You haven't spoken to her

since Daniel's funeral.

Yeah because she doesn't speak English.

Ay, Lexita, don't make

everyone pay for your misery.

Titi... hi.

Ay.

God bless "ju. "

Did she just call me a "ju"?

All right, God bless you.

- What?

- She meant well, you know?

Yeah, Mom, I'm sure she did,

but really, the only

person that's mourning

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes