Sleeping with the Fishes Page #5

- Yeah.

- Tell me about it.

When I went to visit my mom last month,

she tried to ground me

for hiding in the trunk of her limo.

- Limo?

- Long story.

Got it.

All right, come on, sister poo.

Let's get on out of here.

Thanks for the anger detox.

Hey, anytime.

And good luck with that party.

Oh, thank you.

- And, um, good luck with that long story.

- Thank you.

All right.

All right there?

You good?

- There we go.

- Why is there a kid in here?

Okay.

Thanks for the sweater also.

You think Mom has tuna?

- Okay.

- I like Bumble Bee.

She... she doesn't really.

Smooth.

Mom, you can't be hiding

in the dark like a stalker.

I have been waiting for you girls

for the past three hours.

Oh, Christ, Mom, we're not 16.

You can't just wait up

in hopes of grounding us.

She can, she is la reina de castiga.

Queen of punishment.

- That's impressive.

- I know.

Ooh, ironic.

Converting to Judaism really

did wonders for you, Mom.

Ma, don't listen.

It's just the liquor talking.

She's drunk.

She's so drunk.

If I didn't have to worry

about you girls so much,

I wouldn't need these.

Oh, please.

Mom, I'm starving.

Can you make me some tuna fish?

No, no, God, you do not need tuna.

All right, I'm taking Drunkie

McDrunkersons upstairs.

Remember, just bring

it upstairs, please!

- No.

- Ma, I'm starving!

Please, God, please,

don't make me kill them.

Oh, God, hey. Okay, grab

the bannister now, all right?

Can you believe this woman?

Whoa.

Ugh, let it go, Obi-Wan.

Let it go.

Lift the seat!

Where's the aspirin?

Top shelf on the left...

next to the Gas-X.

Thanks.

You girls should know better.

I thought I told you both that, uh,

it's not very ladylike to

drink yourself into foolishness.

Yeah, well, you know,

sometimes, even the perfect slip, Mom.

Good night.

So I hear that your

sister is taking time

from her job to help

you with this party?

Yeah, why?

Please.

So what is it you wanna say?

I have nothing to say.

Right, because that's in your nature

to just let things go.

Lexita, why are you so angry?

I'm not angry, Mom.

I'm bitter. Big difference.

- Lexita, it's not very becoming

of you to be so nasty. - Human?

Nasty?

Lexita, mi hija, why have you given up?

Given up?

Is that what you think that I've done?

You think I've given up, Mom?

I haven't given up.

I'm... I'm just trying

to, like, find my way.

- If you ask me...

- Well, I didn't!

Well, it looks as if

you've thrown in the towel.

You don't take care of yourself anymore.

You... you... you look tired,

and, well... swollen.

- As in fat?

- Not my words.

Is this about the way I look?

Is that what's important to you?

Lexita, the way someone

presents themselves

affects the way they are

treated. Trust me, I know.

People respond to those who present

themselves in a certain light.

And right now, it is so obvious

that you have absolutely no confidence.

Mm.

Ay.

She'll be fine.

Let her be.

She always gets up after she falls.

I get up too, Mom.

Yes.

But you have always

needed a little assistance.

Why is it that you can bury your past,

but I can't bury mine?

Lexita, I did not bury my past.

I know exactly where I came from.

That is why I have made the

choices that I have made.

Smart choices that have

gotten me right here.

I tried everything to make you proud.

I kept up an amazing facade for years.

But when the payoff is waking up alone

because you've been living your

life for everybody else but yourself,

you start to realize

image is not everything.

Lexita.

Listen to me.

Listen to me.

There was this one

day when I was walking

you and your sister to Hebrew school.

And all of a sudden, one of

the mothers approached me.

She asked me if I had my weekends free.

I didn't understand

what the question meant.

I thought that maybe

she was confusing me

for someone else or

that I was translating

incorrectly in my head.

So she quickly rephrased the question.

"Need mula?

I... no... Yo... pay well.

Mucho dinero. "

I don't remember that.

Of course you don't. You were too young.

But I have never forgotten.

Obviously, she thought

that I was your nanny

and not your mother.

So as far as I see it,

image is everything.

I'm gonna go bring this to Kayla.

To my lovely wife.

This is the best night of my life.

I love you, Lexi.

Ah!

Daniel and Alexis, have

a wonderful honeymoon.

Bon voyage, many great travels.

All I'm saying is Lex,

seriously, consider your source.

The woman had to sacrifice

her pet lamb Cho Cho

when she was, like, eight

to help feed the family.

- It was a goat.

- Whatever, Lex.

I'm just saying look at

who you're dealing with

before you end up losing your mind.

Oh.

Before I forget, we

have a meeting with Mikey

in, like, 20 at Comic Circuit.

So wash your mug and giddyup, partner.

We gotta get this party started.

Go, go... Go.

Hey, Rob?

Yes, I'm thinking about it.

I know the ceilings are low,

but she's freaking Filipino.

How much head room

could she possibly need?

Ah! The Justice League of America.

- Hi, Mikey.

- Hey.

I got your stack in the back.

- Okay.

- Gimme a sec.

No problem, you take your time.

I'm not going anywhere.

Don't rush on my account.

So cute.

- Ew.

- What?

Were you just flirting

with a 13-year-old?

- He is 19.

- He is a fetus.

- You are creepy.

- Perfectly legal.

- I respected you 25 seconds ago.

- He can vote, can't he?

- Hey, the younger the berry...

- Um, Demi.

I beg you not to finish

that sentence, "por favies. "

What are we supposed to

be looking for anyway?

Inspiration.

Is this where you come to

find the nerd of your dreams?

Well, that depends. Are you a nerd?

No. I don't know.

Actually, maybe I

didn't... I'm not sure.

Well, that's too bad 'cause

then my answer would've been yes.

Dad! Look who I found!

Okay, what happened last night

and who is this kid?

"The younger the berry... "

Okay, I am gonna go look

for Batman Issue 515.

I will be right back.

Um, there's no way you would even know

anything about that issue, so stay here.

Who are you?

Ahem.

- So, uh...

- Can I take you out?

I'd like to take you somewhere.

Somewhere sounds great.

Tonight?

Make a few calls, see

if I can find a sitter.

- No way, Hal Jordan is a way better GL.

- Um, wrong.

- Kyle Rayner could beat him hands down.

- You're insane.

Bingo.

You owe me.

I know.

- Big.

- I know.

Ew.

Really? Ponytail?

It's not very sexy, Lexi, I'm just...

But it's the only way that

I can get rid of my grays.

Or hair dye.

Dude, I don't have the

money to do regular upkeeps.

Oh, my God, because

the last time I checked,

Clairol was, like, $4.

- Do I look desperate?

- Yeah, a little bit.

Manufactured happiness

is not gonna get you laid.

Yeah, but it's definitely

gonna get me through tonight.

So you're, um... you're a serial killer.

Well, serial killers

usually get paid more.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah,

they got more lines.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes