Sleeping with the Fishes Page #6

They have ransoms to

request, threats to make,

and negotiations to

work out with the 5-0.

Fascinating.

I've never met a

reenactment actor before.

I... you know, I can't believe

that I'm sitting here with

the Green River Killer.

Kind of freaky.

So is that your long story?

No, but it, uh... it does lead into it.

I met my long story

playing Ted Bundy,

and she was cast as one of my victims.

- Hm.

- It's pretty romantic, huh?

Very, very romantic.

So is this one of those,

like, to-be-continued

or tune-in-next-week

kind of stories?

No, no.

It's, uh... it's a

the-end kind of story.

It's over.

So, uh, does she stay in

L.A. to pursue the dream?

No, no.

She's, uh... she's living the dream.

She's one of the biggest

novella stars out there.

She even managed to make, uh...

"People en Espanol"s Top

Ten Most Beautiful Women.

Mm.

Um...

So that's... I mean,

that's... that's really, uh...

Spooky.

So, I mean, if she's all that,

then why... why with the divorce?

Well, exactly that.

She thought she was all that,

and she wanted an all-that

kinda guy to be at her side.

And you're not an all-that kinda guy?

Oh, sorry, I didn't mean that like that.

- I...

- Mm... no, no.

It's all good.

Hey, you know, I should call home

and check in on Memo.

- Um...

- Yeah.

- Or relieve Memo.

- Yeah, more like save Kayla.

Your story's next.

Oh, yeah, I plead the Fifth.

Oh, yes, there's no way in He...

hello there, buddy. How you doin'?

But that's kind of you.

- Thanks for the flowers.

- Sure.

I didn't know you weren't

a fan of things that die.

Yeah, well, I'm working

on that, okay?

This is so beautiful.

So...

you win... what do you

want to know about me?

- Well, the drama.

- Oh.

- That's what makes a good story.

- Oh, well, of course.

I followed my perfect husband

to California about four years ago

for the perfect job as the

perfect entertainment lawyer

extraordinaire to the stars.

Uh, we were high school sweethearts

voted "Most Likely to

Live Happily Ever After,"

and my parents...

absolutely adored him.

- Wow.

- Yep.

- Pressure.

- Mm!

Yeah, you're telling me.

Um... you know, on paper, he was ideal,

the perfect show dog.

Bring him in front of the audience

and he's trained and groomed.

And take him behind stage,

and he bites and growls like Cujo.

Well, Cujo eventually got

what was coming to him.

Yep. So did Daniel.

Seriously? Dude croaked?

Yep.

Not so happily-ever-after

after all.

Oh, man, I'm so sorry.

You know...

I still don't know what hurts more...

the fact that the police report

listed his death as "vehicular blowj*b"

or the fact that I never got

to tell him to go to hell.

You know, it's just...

Wow.

I asked for drama, I sure got it.

You're welcome.

You know, as they say,

you know, let bygones be bygones, right?

Yeah.

Tell my mother that.

Yeah, we should probably go, right?

It's getting really late

and I have to wake up

early in the morning,

and I have to go meet

this old associate to nail a chimp.

Nail down a chimp... nail

down a chimp is what I meant.

You know?

Not to mention that I don't have a DJ

or a photographer or a

superhero to save my life.

Well, we can get Louie to DJ for you.

The guy owes me big, I

mean, he's got a bar bill

he'll never be able to pay off.

- Really?

- Yeah.

'Cause, I mean, that would be awesome.

And I... I may not be a

professional photographer

or anything, but I've taken

my fair share of pictures over the years

of, you know, Memo and his pals.

Like, I could do that

for you if you want.

What's the catch?

Just a second date.

Are you kidding me?

You didn't get to second base?

- Can't say that I'm jealous.

- Oh, you should be.

Why? My night consisted of dwarfs,

princesses, warriors... Lucky Charms.

- Hot.

- Oh.

- What?

- Maybe it was the grays

that kept you from

getting to second base.

Oh.

She must've thrown in the towel.

Um, well, I'm gonna go to bed.

It's late, you coming up?

You know, I'm gonna...

actually, I'm gonna get a snack.

Didn't you just eat?

Uh, no.

It was a first date, you

don't eat on the first date.

Wow, it's been that long?

Must've forgotten the rules.

All right, I love you.

Don't stay up too late, please.

Love you.

Is she still as annoying as ever?

Shh!

You only think that she's annoying

because she hit on you that one time.

- One time.

- Yeah, one time.

Look, the bottom line is is

that we need a monkey ASAP.

Blue... monkey.

Right, a blue monkey.

So if that means sucking up her advances

and, you know, fulfilling

that promise you made

to that little girl, then I say you need

to buck up and take one for the team.

- Buck up?

- Buck up.

I'm not leaving here without a deal.

Says the pimp.

Ladies.

Oh, you look fabulous for a widow.

Oh.

And you.

Yeah, I need to... I'm

just... it's important.

Still like a giant kangaroo rat...

small and cute, but

completely unavailable

- due to your endangered status.

- And you...

I am so excited to see

what you picked out for us.

- Aren't we, sis?

- Please, after you.

Awesome.

And after you.

Case, hold all my calls, please.

So I've got some real cute ones.

Oh, thanks, let's see.

Oh, wait, I didn't know you did "Babe. "

I saw the poster out there.

You did? Oh, honey.

I only do babes.

Oh, yeah, this is not gonna work.

This is light blue, Gleek

is more of a... royal blue.

Yeah, Jude, when I said blue,

I meant totally blue,

not just the balls.

Well, tall order.

Small budgets gets you this.

Unless you'd like to barter a deal.

A deal? Oh, God.

I'm gonna be honest, Jude... I mean,

I really just don't have

anything to offer in return.

They have such a tight budget,

and she has me, like,

right by them too, you know?

Oh, what?

- Me?

- Just a thought.

Well, like a date?

Like, just the two of you?

- I don't see how one drink could hurt.

- Oh.

I love that you

haven't lost your professionalism.

Now, you're making me blush.

Um... you know what?

I need to see you for a minute.

- Or two.

- Oh. I'll be right back.

Like now?

I'm not getting traded for a monkey.

I was kidding when I called you a pimp.

It's just one drink, all right?

Jude is a scary, hungry woman,

and I'm not going

anywhere with her. The end.

You're gonna have to tell her that

we need to work out another deal.

- I can't.

- Why? Why can't you?

Because we need this.

Fine, because I need this.

Man, Lexi, Mom was right.

You've given up.

- Excuse

me? - Mm-mm.

No, get back... where are you going?

I honestly, honestly think that

you need to do this on your own.

Wait, are you in cahoots

with Mom or something?

- No, I am...

- This is not like you.

I am bailing because

I'm not a carpet muncher

and I'm not gonna be traded

for some blue-balled monkey.

I cannot talk... what are you doing?

- I'm gonna say...

- Carpet muncher?

Really? How phobic of you.

You know what, Lex? I'm thinking

this isn't going to work out.

I prefer to work with

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