Small Soldiers Page #3

and the monster.

I can't sell you them. Sorry.

But you're the only store that has them.

The toys are gone, all right?

Well, what about him?

Him. He's defective...

...and the rest were stolen.

That's too bad.

Alan...

...we must find the...

Oh, my God.

Who did this?

Are you pulling

some kind of insurance scam?

I swear, I did one thing wrong.

That's it! And I'm branded for life.

So, it is true.

I heard your parents moved here because

you got kicked out of ten different schools.

I did not.

No?

It was two.

Only two.

So...

...you need some help?

- Alan, can I talk now?

- No.

I can't believe they broke my dad's radio.

Do you ever watch that show,

Family of Five?

Sure.

You like it?

It's okay.

Thank God! Me, neither.

I hate it. It's so lame.

I'm sick of hearing it's so great.

I can't stand the parents. They're so nice.

- The worst. Where do these go?

- Over there.

I'm more of an X-Files guy myself.

"The truth is out there," Alan.

You like Led Zeppelin?

Yeah, they're the greatest.

They're my favorite band.

You're not like other girls.

I know.

I can't believe we've finished.

It took less time than I thought.

And the boat looks great.

It wasn't that messed up.

The mast was the hardest part.

He'll never know.

So, what did you do?

Come on, Alan.

I've heard the story ten times already.

Don't deny it. They say

you're a real terror.

Yeah, that's me, a real terror.

I did some graffiti, flooded

the faculty bathroom. Stuff like that.

My shrink told my parents

I was "acting out."

I heard you called a bomb scare

on Parents' Day.

That's when I got caught.

Bummer.

I got put on probation for a while.

But that was a long time ago.

I'm a totally different person now.

Sure.

No, really.

Hey, Alan, how's it going?

Dad.

I was on my way home from the airport.

I thought I'd stop to say hello.

- And check up on me?

- And check up on you.

Of course. That's my job.

Me Dad, you son, right?

- This is Christy.

- Hi.

- From next door.

- Hello.

- Alan, what happened here?

- Nothing.

Nothing happened.

Really?

Then, how do you explain this?

I was dusting it and it fell over.

Dusting with what, a croquet mallet?

I should go.

I almost forgot my stuff.

Bye, Alan.

You go home, too. I'll close up.

- I can do it.

- Obviously you can't. Go home.

I'm really sorry about that.

I have parents, too.

If that's all he sees, you got off lucky.

- Here are your toys.

- Thanks.

What happened? I thought

you were coming by practice today.

Sorry. Something else came up.

I know you. You're the kid

who set his old school on fire, right?

Yeah, just to watch it burn.

Whatever.

We got a scrimmage with the JV.

Come on, you can cheer me on.

Great.

See you later.

Let's see...

What do I need?

Coping saw.

I don't believe it!

- Alan, we must...

- Shut up!

- The Gorgonites...

- You're nothing but trouble.

Link Static to command post.

Have targeted single Gorgonite

with civilian escort.

Approaching your position. Over.

Roger, Private Static. Copy that.

Brick Bazooka, front and center.

Prepare for assault, Sergeant.

Don't fire till you see

the whites of his eyes.

Prepare to fire the bazooka.

Fire!

Gorgonite K9 corps.

Watch it. I'll have your dog tags.

What are you doing here?

Go home.

Coming up.

Hand over hand.

I'm coming for you, Gorgonite.

Damn potholes.

Command post to Brick Bazooka. Report.

Repeat, this is command post. Report.

Brick Bazooka reporting.

Target escaped

en route to enemy stronghold.

I'm pretty messed up, sir.

Hold on, son. We're on our way.

Wrong gauge.

Insert tab A into slot B.

Turn until click.

Bite the bullet, pal. It'll be okay.

Here's the tape.

Go ahead, kid. Let it out.

It's a small world after all.

Hello, Heartland Play Systems.

How may I help you?

Yes, I'm having some trouble

with one of your...

What is the name of the toy

and the nature of the problem?

The toys are the Gorgonites.

There are no more Gorgonites.

And the Commando Elite.

They are the mortal enemies

of the Gorgonites.

And what is the problem?

The Commandos wrecked my dad's store

and destroyed the Gorgonites!

The Commando Elite are designed

to fight the Gorgonites.

No, they destroyed them

and now they're gone!

I'm sorry, but Heartland Play Systems

does not replace lost toys.

I didn't lose them!

Is there a machine I can talk to?

Just transfer me to a machine!

Have a nice day, ma'am.

I'm not a ma'am!

Please state the name of your toy

and nature of your problem.

Your damn Commando Elite

wrecked my dad's store...

...destroyed the super Gorgonites

and ran off! Got it? Lawsuit! Got that?

Alan Abernathy, 330-555-0125.

Destroy Gorgonites.

Shut up!

Alan.

Don't talk to me!

Not a word!

On Monday morning, at 0900 hours...

...250,000 Commandos and 250,000

Gorgonites will fight side by side...

...with children everywhere,

trying to separate mommy and daddy...

...from the money in their wallets.

Larry.

Now, listen to this.

They cover 100 merchandise licensees

for the next two months.

You won't be able to turn on a TV,

board a bus...

...open a lunch box,

or put on your own underwear...

...without seeing the Gorgonites

raging war with the Commando Elite!

What do you think of that, Mr. Mars?

It's a start.

Larry.

Larry, folks.

We have to talk.

We have a big problem. It's urgent.

What are you doing here? Stop it.

Alan Abernathy, 330-555-0...

That's where voice mail cut him off.

- It's not a problem.

- It's not?

These things go on sale Monday.

How did this kid get hold of them?

It's industrial espionage.

I got two words for you: Counter suit.

One word:
Countersuit. Two words.

It's two words, Larry!

What if this kid's telling the truth?

We can't have toys out on the market

that may be dangerous.

How can they be dangerous?

Everything on them is standard.

The design is standard,

the materials are standard...

...the mechanicals are standard.

Even the...

Oh.

What's, "Oh"?

What?

- You just said, "Oh."

- No, I said, "Oh."

"Oh" like, "That's interesting"

or like, "We're screwed"?

No. I mean, hey, whoa, oh.

Forget the "Oh". I'll go to legal

to start on the countersuit.

The chips!

That's the "Oh."

These microprocessing chips.

What do they do

and where did you get them from?

They microprocess. And they come from

the land of I Saved Your Job.

They were designed

for the Defense Department.

You put munitions chips in toys?

Archer...

...emissary of the Gorgonites.

Where are you?

Beware. There will be no mercy.

We're lost. We need to find our homeland.

Yeah, our homeland.

We're in trouble. Please find us.

You've got to help us find Goron.

Goron?

It's "Gorgon", moron.

I hope he comes. We're no match

for the awesome Commandos.

Yeah, everything else is just a toy.

Kitty, kitty, kitty.

Grab him! Hold him down!

Get that leg!

String him up!

Tell us what we want to know.

I am Archer, emissary of the Gorgonites.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes