Small Soldiers Page #4

Archer?

Where are the rest of the Gorgonite scum?

We have ways of making you talk.

Make it easy on yourself.

If you tell us, we'll let you go.

It will go easier for you if you cooperate.

I am Archer, emissary of the Gorgonites.

All right. Let's dispose of this garbage.

It's the kid.

Commandos, pull back!

Retrograde movement!

- Give me that!

- That's mine, punk!

Surrender, Gorgonite ally.

You just met your match.

Oh, yeah?

Surrender or die!

Medic! Medic!

Medic!

Come on out!

Alan, what the hell is going on here?

Medic!

Alan, your hand! What happened?

How did you cut your hand?

And what are you doing down here?

Mom, Dad, it's okay.

While you were gone,

I bought some soldier toys from Joe.

I figured I could sell them

before you got back.

And for once, I would have made

the store a little money.

I know it was the wrong thing to do.

I'm sorry.

There, I said it.

Okay.

I think it's very honest of you

to tell the truth.

So, you pawned my woodworking tools

so you could pay Joe?

No! I'm pretty sure the toys took them.

What?

The toys.

Are you trying to upset me?

I mean, are you deliberately making...

- What was the word? Projected...

- Aggression.

- Projected aggression...

- It's not aggression!

It's these toys!

It's like they're alive. Look.

Come on, Archer. Back me up here.

Say something.

Halt! Who goes there? Talk to me!

Alan, please.

I need to ask you this. Are you on crank?

No!

Then is it crystal meth, tar, smack?

We need to know!

No, I'm not on drugs! It's these soldiers!

All right, that's it! Stop it.

I mean, Alan...

...I am...

...at a loss.

You! Why didn't you say anything?

Shut up! Don't talk to me! Not a word!

Wise guy. I should shred the bunch of you.

My dad thinks I'm insane.

Christy thinks I'm an idiot...

...and when Joe finds out

I can't pay him back, he'll break my legs.

The Gorgonites are not destroyed.

What?

Major Hazard seeks the location of the

Gorgonite scum. They are not destroyed.

'Cause if the Commandos destroyed them

they wouldn't be looking for them.

All right, where are they?

My Gorgonite brothers are doing

what the Gorgonites do best:

They are hiding.

Commando Elite, fall in!

Sir! Yes, sir!

We have met the enemy.

He is big. He is fast.

He has allied himself

with the Gorgonite scum.

The rules of engagement have changed.

Private Static!

Damn!

This place is a gold mine.

Holy smokes. Look at all this hardware.

Technological superiority.

Dibs on the chain saw.

Falling in, sir.

Out of the way.

It's only a flesh wound, sir.

Rest easy. You've done your job.

Did we win?

We will.

Nick Nitro's battery has run out.

But his memory will keep going

and going and going.

His death will be avenged.

Commandos, secure the perimeter!

Tap all communications!

Roll some armor! We got us a war to win.

If it launches, lacerates or detonates...

...I want it mobile and I want it lethal!

Sir! Yes, sir!

They're not in the storeroom,

they're not here.

Monsters shouldn't be hiding

but fighting Commandos.

We would lose.

It is what we were programmed to do.

Hide and lose?

Those are some great options.

If I was a Gorgonite, where would I be?

I'm hiding because I'm a loser.

I've got zero self-esteem...

...and my brain's the size of a peanut.

Where would I be?

This is so gross.

Hello. Is anybody in there?

Ocula.

- What was that?

- It's the Gorgonites.

Ocula.

Punch-it. Scratch-it.

Great to be back.

But seriously, what a dump.

Insaniac.

Are you a kid or oil painting?

Don't worry, Archer. We was hiding.

Slamfist.

Troglokhan?

We fixed him.

We tried to fix him.

My dad's radio.

Some assembly required.

So am I nuts? What's going on here?

Give me a call, 1-800, talk to me.

Freaky.

Like Frankenstein.

At least you're all here.

Maybe Joe won't break my legs after all.

Access approved.

Let me get this straight.

You used my password to order surplus

military chips that might be dangerous?

It's okay.

That's supposed to happen.

See? Clean room.

Clean. Let's just go in.

You okay?

That's him. That's Ralph.

Who are you? You don't belong here.

I'm Larry Benson. You supplied

my division with some microchips.

Yes. Larry Benson.

The X1000. Worked out better

than you dreamed, didn't they?

Actually, there was a little problem.

Then it's with your software.

I don't think there's a problem

with the software, Ralph.

You don't?

The X1000 is a masterpiece.

Imagine a microchip...

...sophisticated enough to control

the guidance systems of ballistic missiles.

Imagine it can be used to instantly upgrade

any system it's plugged into.

Like a smart drug for machines.

Then, imagine it can learn.

What are you talking about?

Artificial intelligence?

No. Actual intelligence.

No wonder those philistines

at the Pentagon didn't appreciate it.

One flaw and they scrap the whole project.

So there is a flaw in the chips.

They're a little bit sensitive to EMP.

EMP? Electromagnetic pulse?

The kind generated

by the detonation of a nuclear device.

I doubt even the toy industry has become

quite that competitive.

They said, "Adequate shielding

wasn't cost effective."

Did the Medici ever tell Michelangelo:

"Sorry, Mike, marble's not cost-effective.

Here's a bag of cement"? I think not!

Gesundheit.

Thank you.

There shouldn't be any problem,

just because the chips can learn.

Am I not being clear? They learn within

the boundaries of their programming.

Whatever the core programming,

the X1000 enhances it.

So, if you have a problem,

it's in your software.

Quick impression, Jimmy Cagney.

"Top of the world, Ma."

Talk about hampering your career.

Grab him!

It looks so real, don't it?

Hit him.

Friend of yours?

What am I going to do with you guys?

Two hundred and twenty-one.

Two hundred and twenty-two.

There goes the record.

Not so close. You'll ruin your eye.

What are you looking at?

I dunno.

- Hello?

- Alan?

Christy?

Are you grounded?

No, my dad cooled off.

So, we did it.

Yeah, and the best part is,

I found all those lost toys.

You were really a big help.

Cool.

So, Alan, boxers or briefs?

Get those off your head.

Hey, what's going on?

Nothing.

Listen, I was thinking maybe

we should celebrate sometime.

Go to a movie or something.

Alan, I only date older guys.

It's nothing personal.

What I mean is,

officially I'm going out with Brad.

What about unofficially? Or superficially?

There is one guy. But he's kind of

a smart aleck and a bit of a troublemaker.

I'm sure he'd be willing

to give it all up for you.

I know I would.

Alan.

It's party time!

One phat ride!

Transmission intercepted. The Gorgonites

are bivouacked at the enemy stronghold.

And the enemy has revealed

an age-old weakness.

I'm sure he'd be willing to give it all up

for you. I know I would.

Put yourself in for a commendation.

Soldiers! We have

a window of opportunity.

We will exploit it, drown the enemy out

and crush the Gorgonites!

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