Small Time Crooks Page #3

A patron of the arts.

Doesn't that sound great?

- Frenchy...

- Opening night at the opera.

I love you. Can I tell you this?

I love you.

You know why? 'Cause you back me

all the time, you stand by me.

You know when I first knew

I loved you?

This was a long time ago.

Remember I taught you how to open

a safe by moving the tumblers?

And you got it.

You're a very romantic man.

And I'm a lucky woman...

...because not many wives

get to see their husbands...

...battling a ruptured water main.

- I'm crazy about you.

- Crazy about you, darling.

- Here, Benny.

- Go ahead, put it in the bag.

- I'll give it to you...

- He puts it in the bag!

- Right, so it don't make no noise.

- This is efficiency.

What the hell... What are you

putting it in his shovel for?

- He puts it in the bag.

- It's call efficiency, my friend.

- Teamwork.

- It saves energy.

I've got chocolate chip here.

I'll take a chocolate chip.

- The little girl was first.

What do you want? -Chocolate fudge.

Okay.

You can only have two.

- What are you stopping for?

- I'm trying to figure this out.

I think, according to this,

we're supposed to take a left turn.

That doesn't mean stop.

Let's go.

Will you give me...

What the hell are you doing?

- What do you mean?

- You've got your hat on backwards.

So?

"So?" The flashlight

goes in the front.

It looks cooler like this.

Are you a jerk?

What do you mean it looks cooler?

It's more stylish than that.

Look at that.

- You think so?

- Yeah. Turn it around.

This is chic like this.

Look at that. That's cool.

- You got a mirror?

- I don't got a mirror. That looks good.

- Look at yourself. I'll show you

when we get out. - All right.

- Can you keep going?

- All right! I'm trying to figure the map out!

One? Two?

Okay, everybody, hold on.

That's $1.70. Thank you very much.

Thank you, thank you. Okay, yeah.

What are you guys

gonna do with your share?

How much is my share?

I figure it's gotta be

two million, right?

I'm countin' the jewelry

in there too.

Then divided four ways,

that's a half million bucks apiece.

- What about Frenchy?

- What about Frenchy? She's just a front.

But with out Frenchy we're dead.

We can get any broad

to sell cookies. Jeez.

I say she gets a share,

but not a full share.

I'd go for that.

What if we each get a fourth

and she gets like a third?

Are you nuts?

Then she'd be getting more than us.

- How do you figure? -Where you

gonna get four fourths and a third?

- Can't you add?

- I don't do fractions.

Let's not get greedy. Remember

that movie with Humphrey Bogart...

...when they're diggin'

for gold in the mountains?

They find the gold

and they all get rich.

Then this guy goes nuts and he turns

on his friends. Let's not let that happen here.

Then he gets killed

by Hispanics.

- What is it? The Treasure of...

- Treasure Island.

- Treasure Island! That's right. That was

a good movie. - It was the best.

Okay, folks,

here's the deal.

I'm out of cookies, okay?

It's gonna be

like another two minutes...

...so that's the way

the cookie crumbles, okay?

I got one cookie left.

You know who's gonna eat this? Me.

I gotta put on help.

- Help?

- Yeah. I can't handle the volume.

A second person

you wanna put on?

I can't help it, Ray.

The cookies are selling.

Gee, I never counted on that.

You know, you gotta manage it somehow.

What about my cousin May?

We can trust her.

May's a dodo. I'm gonna bring

a dodo into a master plan?

She's not a squealer.

She's not a squealer,

but then we'd have to cut her in.

Meanwhile, the pot's getting

smaller and smaller.

I can't cook and sell

at the same time.

It's a madhouse.

We'll get caught.

Hey, wait a minute.

You know what we could do?

We could hire May and

not tell her what we're doin'.

'Cause she'll never catch on.

She's got, you know... And, and...

- We're making enough dough from the

cookies to pay her. - Absolutely!

We give her a small salary. She'll never

figure out or catch wise to anything.

Because if you think

Denny and Tommy are slow...

...your cousin May is dumb

like a horse, or dog or something.

Well, maybe it's not

such a great idea.

No, I think we could do it.

- Where are we? Right here?

- We're supposed to be here.

Excuse me. Where's the sugar?

Frenchy wants more sugar.

May, stop bothering us.

We're busy.

I just don't understand

about the drilling.

I told you. Business is good.

We're expanding.

We're expanding a little restaurant

and tea shop...

...so people could eat the cookies

and drink tea.

Ah. Where are they gonna drink the tea?

In the tunnel?

I'd explain it to you,

but you gotta understand engineering.

- What's engineering?

- May, do me a favor, will you?

Business is good, we're expanding.

That's all you gotta know.

How can you expand?

There's a nail shop next door.

- We made a deal with them.

- So you're expanding into the nail shop.

May, get your stuff.

You want the sugar?

Take a hike.

Get the sugar and go. We'll call you.

This broad's big trouble.

I'm tellin'you.

- You think it's safe having that strange

broad here? -Don't worry, she's harmless.

I think we made a wrong turn. I don't

think we're still headed to the bank.

- Please. Gimme the map.

- What are you talking about?

For God's sakes.

This is fine. I don't know what

you're all in a dither about.

You're holding it

upside down.

I am?

You were reading this map

upside down all along?

Get off my back! Can I help it

if they print these things like this?

Okay.

Thank you very much.

I gotta get another plate

of the cherry...

- Can I help you? Next?

- I'm coming right back.

- Can I get two cherry cinnamon?

- Two cherry cinnamon.

- How you doin'?

- We're doing something right.

- Next.

- Sure. Two cherry cinnamon.

- You're new here, huh?

- Not really. This is my first day.

Let me tell you something. These are

the greatest cookies I ever tasted.

- Really? You know, we're expanding.

- No kiddin'?

Yeah. There's some guys

in the back working now.

- We got a tunnel under the nail shop.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Did you try the pecan fudge?

- We were just talking about what an

instant success this place is. - Yes.

- I was telling him about the restaurant.

- What restaurant?

The tea room. You know, the guys in

the back tunneling for the tea room...

- Under the nail shop?

- What are you talking about?

- The tea room in the back.

- May, come and serve these people!

We're at the Sunset Bake Shop

where the lines wait patiently...

...for what some people are calling the

most fabulous cookie treat in New York.

What the hell is goin' on here?

And you are the heart and soul

of Sunset Cookies.

- Miss, uh...

- Frenchy Winkler.

My real name's Frances

but everybody calls me Frenchy.

As one stands here,

one can inhale the aroma...

My God!

...of hot chocolate, cinnamon, fresh cherries

and a dozen other mouthwatering taste treats.

Is it true customers wait on line

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