Small Time Crooks Page #5

- Pablo?

- Pablo, with the dogs.

Then there's ex-police

officer Ken Deloach...

...vicepresident

in charge of distribution.

And Ben Jamin Borkowski, vicepresident

in charge of plant safety.

First thing I did was make sure

the building was fireproof.

And lest they be accused

of being a mostly male club...

May Sloan is in charge of public

relations and also physical therapy.

I understand

public relations.

But physical therapy?

All the chocolate chips

are put in the cookies by hand.

And that's really hard on the back

and leg muscles. I do deep massage.

By the way,

she's also a vice president.

So there you have it. A brief glimpse

into a corporate culture...

...that has industry leaders and management

analysts all over the country...

...scratching their heads, trying to figure

out what Sunset Farms might try next.

It may be as simple as what Paul Milton,

the Winklers' chief competitor said: . .

"If you've got something

the American public wants...

...everything else

falls into place."

Or as we in television

might say...

"There's no accounting

for the public's taste."

Okay, keep coming through

with this stuff.

It's better the way I had it.

Darling, could you put the doll

by the ceramic zebra?

- Mrs. Winkler? Excuseme.

- Yes?

- You wanted to check the menu.

- Right.

Stevens, could you bring that piece

downstairs that Mr. Winkler hates?

Try it again

next to the fireplace.

I want a lot of nuts

and "crude-ites."

What did we say for openers?

Oh, yes. Snails.

Escargots, yes.

Then the potato and truffle salad.

Yes. Truffles, by all means.

But I hate those thin pieces.

When you shave it, go, go.

Lay it on big time.

Truffles are always shaved

really finely.

- Naturally, I didn't mean to suggest

anything overdone. - Right.

Then we have

poached sea bass in phyllo.

And spinach souffle,

and salad, and dessert.

- Oh, and finger bowls. - There's nothing

being served that requires finger bowls.

Well have 'em, 'cause you can never predict

whose fingers will need a washing. Okay?

- Did you rearrange this place again?

- All right, hold your water.

Don't tell me to hold my water.

Every night it's like walking

into a strange house.

What is this thing?

Did I tell you to get rid of this?

It's a harp.

You got no flair, Ray.

Don't tell me I got no flair.

No body plays the harp.

What's it doing in

the middle of the living room?

I like the visual sweep.

I don't know what's

gotten into your head.

You're so hoity-toity

all of a sudden.

My cookies pay for this,

so turn it off.

What's for dinner?

And don't tell me it's sparrows

on a bed of lettuce again.

'Cause I wouldn't care if I had anything

on a bed of lettuce anymore.

- They're pheasants, and you ate'em

last week. - And I got BB's.

Remember I got BB's in the mouth?

I almost choked on a BB.

Can I get a cheeseburger?

Is that possible?

It's the dinner party tonight!

Oh! Great!

- Just when I got a lot on my mind.

- Your mind don't hold a lot.

Get dressed.

And don't forget, it's tuxedo.

- I'm hungry. I don't wanna get dressed now.

- You want a snail?

You nuts?

I'm gonna have a snail?

Come on! You eat steamers.

A snail leaves a trail of scum

in the yard when it walks.

- Not in France they don't.

- Oh, Jesus.

What happened to the turkey meatballs

and spaghetti? That's what I like.

Have a potato and truffle thing.

That'll hold you till the company comes.

I don't want truffles.

Truffles got no flavor!

They're subtle.

Only pigs can find them.

You're thinking of pearls. They come

in oysters. That's what that is.

Take a hike.

You're such an ignoramus.

That's what I love about you.

- Pearls come in oysters.

- Ray, Ray, Ray.

- Please, don't spoil my big night.

- What's so big about tonight?

There's important people

coming from the arts...

...and I want to get on

some of those boards.

Hey, we donate,

you'll be on the boards.

- But I wanna be a patron.

- What you wanna be is a socialite.

So what?

Is that so terrible?

You know, when we talked about

making it, we were gonna hit it big...

...move to Florida, we were gonna

swim, eat stone crabs.

Well, we can get a place

at Palm Beach.

Palm Beach is ritzy.

I wanna go to Miami.

I wanna be at the dog track

every day.

I just know I wanna be

as far away from Frenchy Fox...

...the topless wonder,

as I can be.

Hey, you were beautiful

as Frenchy Fox.

You'd come out.

Remember "Night Train"?

- You'd give it a little of this, a

little of that. - Those days are over, Ray.

Our accountants want us to expand.

We're gonna be twice as big next year.

What good is being twice as big if I can't

get a cheeseburger? What's it all mean?

Ray, please,

be charming tonight.

I've seen you when you want

to turn on the charm. You sparkle.

All right?

I gotta go take a shower.

Good evening. Good evening.

Welcome to our humble abode.

- Charles Bailey. This is my wife Emily.

- How you doin'?

- David Perret.

- Linda Rhinelander.

- Can I get you drinks? -Just some

Evian. Unless you have Perrier?

- Certainly. - We got anything

you want. Whatever you want, you can have.

I usually take tap water 'cause the

fluoride keeps your teeth from rotting.

Otherwise, they'll drop right out

on you, honey. Hey, look at this!

Hello!

So glad you could attend

our humble abode.

We just got back from Caneel Bay.

Didn't want to miss the new Traviata.

- Have you seen it?

- No, not yet.

Nor have I.

Exactly what is it?

Ray, why are we standing around

in the hallway?

Please, let's retire

to the living room.

I gather you're a big fan

of the ballet, Mrs. Winkler.

- Her? Are you kiddin'?

- I used to be a dancer.

Please, call me French...

Uh, Frances. Frances Fox Winkler.

The Foxes from Saratoga?

I don't know.

I never checked my pedigree.

Can we change the music, please?

- I feel like I should be wearing

a wig. - You will in a couple years.

Did you do the place yourself?

Yes. They say I have a flair

for decorating.

- You know, this rug lights up?

- It lights?

Yeah. It's made of what?

The fiber optics.

I'll turn it on later.

Stevens, what's with the snails?

Oh, why don't I get

the, the...

And you show them

your collection of leather pigs.

Right. Go.

- Do you play the harp, Frances?

- Oh, no. It's a visual, honey.

The sweep kills me.

Oh, finally. Girls.

Hey, how you doin'?

Come on in.

Hold it. Right there.

All the action... Hey, honey.

Toots, in there. Hey, shake it.

They're in the other room.

- How you doin'?

- Garth Steinway.

- What?

- Garth Steinway.

- I'm Anthony Gwynne.

- On, no kidding?

Tony Gwynne,

the outfielder with the Padres?

Our goal is to raise

$2 million by April.

Then the company can tour the West

Coast and include the new opera...

...which has gotten such good notices.

- Right.

Count me in.

I love serious music.

Ray, on the other hand,

opera freaks him.

Haveyou tried your finger bowl?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes