Smart People Page #5

Why does physical affection

bother you so much?

It doesn't, actually.

Well, you're not the only one

who deserves to have a little fun.

And what's your point?

I saw you both at Gibraltar's. Drunk.

I saw you, too.

I saw you, too, man. Bravo.

I am proud that we whittled it down

to these three so quickly.

I have another candidate in mind.

Who?

Me.

Can you apply?

You're the chair of the committee.

Yes, I am permitted to apply.

It's well within Carnegie Mellon's

ethical codes of conduct.

It's part of the democratic process.

Tick, tock.

But now, in the new days...

Do you know its meaning?

You drove yourself...

When I come back,

you better have a word on that board.

Vanessa, this phone

is for emergencies only.

I didn't want to call you

at her apartment. I just, like...

Are you coming home for dinner?

Because Chuck's gone

and I'm the only one here.

I'm eating here tonight.

Well, that's just fantastic.

What am I supposed to do

with the beef stroganoff that I made,

and the garlic whipped potatoes?

I'm going to be home in a few hours,

could you save me a little bit?

Just a plate.

This is Lawrence Wetherhold.

Who is this?

This is Deb Rosenblatt,

from the Penguin Group.

Bloomberg really liked

your manuscript

and he would like to meet

with you in New York.

Well,

it is a very interesting concept, isn't it?

Yeah, I always wondered

who littered the world with those.

Where have you been?

I haven't seen you, like, all week.

I've been busy.

I don't want you to feel uncomfortable

around me, okay?

I completely respect

your homosexuality,

and I will refrain

from any further untoward advances.

Truth be told,

I've started dating someone.

Someone my own age.

What's his name?

Her name

is none of your business.

I will be staying at her apartment

a couple of nights a week.

So does she know you're gay?

I don't think that you and I

should be hanging out as much.

Well, that's just... It's idiotic.

I mean, who am I supposed to

hang out with?

I just think that we both need to,

you know, get a life.

My life begins when I set foot

in California next fall.

The cab was $9!

I'll pay you back.

Well,

- they're publishing my book.

- What?

Who the f***'s gonna read that?

Bloomberg. I knew it. I so knew it!

Well, when do we...

When are we going to meet with them?

You have school.

So I'm taking Janet and

flying to New York on Monday.

You have school.

So I sort of met somebody.

I was kind of hoping

you could float me some greenbacks

to get my own apartment.

You know, more and more,

I'm getting used to you.

I need you here.

So, no.

There was a twinkle

of humanity in there.

Gonna tell you all a story

About a girl who's just informed me

That all she needs to love me

Is a quiet peaceful day

She don't need no shiny diamonds

Or a fancy car to drive in

She just needs me there beside her

On a quiet peaceful day

It's almost 10:
00. I need to leave.

Good luck. Knock 'em dead!

Does this suit make me look too eager?

How can a suit make anyone

look too eager?

- Wish me luck.

- I just did. Go already.

You're starting to make me nervous.

Goodbye.

At first I thought it was

the driest piece of sh*t I'd ever read.

What?

Till I got to the third section,

where I noticed a certain

marketable tone,

the surly, smarter-than-thou

a**hole tone.

People love to hate books like this.

NPR will attack the book immediately.

And before you know it, you'll be

defending yourself on Charlie Rose.

That's not the point of the book.

I understand your hesitancy,

but when was the last time

a senior editor edited,

actually edited?

We spent the entire staff meeting

last week talking about it.

Marketing guys loved it.

Two junior editors loved it.

It's almost like the book itself

is a f***ing bully.

You Can't Read.

You Can't Read.

Brilliant!

Sh*t.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Well, how'd it go?

Great. They loved me over there.

It's going to be a very important book.

Well, you seem happy.

Well, wait, wait. Don't open that yet.

What did he say about the book?

Well...

They've edited it, significantly.

But it's much better.

It's intelligent, but very contrary,

powerful and inflammatory. It's...

Well, how much did they edit it?

Well, Penguin has...

They've edited thousands of books,

and there comes a time when

you have to let the experts be experts.

And are you honestly okay

with the changes?

Well, Bloomberg wants

to take us out to dinner.

I thought you and I were going out

for a quiet dinner tonight.

They want to take us out.

It's... You know. He's my editor.

And I'm your...

I don't know. What am I to you?

Well, for lack of a better term,

you're my girlfriend.

No, what am I to you? Not just a term.

You're everything that a girlfriend is.

You can't answer, can you?

Please, would you just

get ready for dinner?

You know what?

I actually don't even feel that well.

I couldn't go out tonight anyways.

You should go. I'm gonna be fine.

You'd think their parents would

control them.

They've probably been

stuck on a plane for hours.

They should be encouraged

to run around.

Your book's not published yet.

You don't have to act

like a complete misanthrope.

What is with you?

You're like a different person.

No, Lawrence, I'm the same person.

I've just noticed a few things.

I can't win.

Call me a grouch,

I just think that it's wrong

to let kids run around an airport

unsupervised.

When you have children,

you'll understand.

This isn't about unsupervised kids

at an airport, and you know it.

Excuse me, sorry.

You don't seem interested

in anything other than your book

or becoming head of the department.

I mean, why don't you ask?

Just try asking.

Okay. What the hell's your problem?

I don't want to talk about it right now.

I have it.

You don't seem very happy.

I'm not happy. Not even close.

What have I got to offer you

Have I gotten

My heart nor my soul

'cause I gave it away

There's a lesson I learned

when the trust is gone

Love is gone

So I put some flowers on Mom's grave.

Like just a dozen or so

pink and white roses.

You kind of owe me $64.

The 17th. I'm sorry.

No, it's...

You know, it's not like Mom knew

you weren't there.

Besides, I'm a big girl. I can handle it.

How are you?

Maybe this weekend, you and I

could go ice skating like we used to.

Dad,

you just got a huge book deal,

and the head of the department

is yours for the taking,

and everything's kind

of perfect for you, so

don't screw everything up, okay?

You know, I read in Cosmopolitan

that it takes

about half the time you date someone

to get over them.

And, what, you've dated Janet

for just a few months?

- You read Cosmopolitan?

- I glance at it.

Like, at the supermarket,

if the line's particularly long.

You know that physician,

she's just a rebound relationship,

that's all.

A rebound from what?

From Mom.

Lawrence,

congratulations on your book deal.

Thank you.

And James' poem being accepted

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