Smokey and the Bandit II Page #8

---

I'm beginning to be deeply concerned.

Fred, this one's for you, my boy.

Look out, Junior!

- Are you all right, Junior?

- Yeah.

You would be, you sh*t.

Way to go! Take it to him, son!

Whoa!

How do you like that, turkey sh*t?

Snowman, I've had about as much fun as

I can handle for one day.

How about showing me the way outta here?

All right. Roger.

Jump on my tailgate, Bandit.

I know where the front door's located.

Look at that pile of cars, Daddy.

Looks like they bombed a drive-in movie.

He don't know it, but he's going down

a dead-end road, that dumb dickey.

Look, Daddy. Uncle Gaylord

and Uncle Reggie are right behind us.

I got him boxed in like a turtle's pecker.

There's a gully on the right and on the left

and a mountain in front of me.

You want to tell me

about that front door again?

Hey, brother truckers, the Bandit's worried.

He wants to get out of here.

Are you ready? Hello!

Fred, don't look.

He ain't the only daredevil.

You guys give great bridge.

That was beautiful, drivers. I owe you one.

Good numbers to you and the Bandit.

Say roger, Fred.

You're not getting away

from me, Bandit.

And I'm still in hot pursuit.

I copy that, Buford.

But I hear your pursuit ain't that hot.

Give me your handkerchief.

- What?

- Give me your handkerchief.

- What is it?

- A little fly sh*t.

Daddy, look out!

- Daddy?

- Shut up, Junior. I'm thinking.

What are you thinking about?

Retiring.

Snowman, how's your patient?

She ain't doing too good.

Doc says she's in labour.

Bo, I ain't asking you. I'm begging you.

There's a place here. Let's pull over.

- 10-4.

- Attaboy!

It's one of those guys from the park.

Pay him off. Get him outta here.

Please, get my bag. Hurry up!

Bring my bag!

What the hell's going on here?

- We're having a baby.

- This is a wildlife preserve.

What better place to have a baby elephant

than a wildlife preserve?

- You get your elephant--

- $100.

- You get your people--

- $200.

- And you get the hell out of here.

- $300.

- $400.

- You're right.

What better place to have a baby elephant

than in a wildlife preserve?

What a putz.

Snowflake, Bandito!

Hey, cowboy!

Look, Lone Ranger.

It's a boy! First I seen the trunk.

All right, we've got six hours.

Let's cut the Bambi sh*t.

Load her on the truck and get going.

No. Lone Ranger, no can be.

The bambino troppo delicate.

It cannot be removed from the mama.

All right, we'll take the mama and the baby.

We'll put them both on the truck

and go to Dallas.

When you give birth

to a 200-pound elephant...

you don't wanna go for a ride.

You wanna go...

- She's strong as an ox.

- She is strong.

She gotta wait till she strong

like an elephant.

Bo, I know how much you need the money.

Who doesn't need the money?

But let's don't do it this way.

It ain't decent.

If you're through preaching, Reverend,

we're moving out.

No, I ain't going.

And you ain't going either.

You just let your alligator mouth overload

your jaybird ass.

Doc, I thought I loved him

too much to do that.

I guess not.

You know I can take your head off,

don't you?

And you know that's exactly

what you're gonna have to do.

What is the matter with you two idiots?

You act like she's human.

I'm sorry.

I like myself now, Carrie.

I found out there's something

more important than me.

I found out there's nothing more

important than us.

I didn't take Charlotte to Dallas.

- You didn't?

- No.

- What about Big Enos?

- Let him get his own date.

- What about the money?

- I blew it.

We still can make it.

- We?

- Give me a chance.

- Have you got over $1?

- Yeah.

- Cash?

- Yeah.

That's enough.

You know what?

We're gonna have a problem.

Charlotte's gonna be awfully jealous.

I want to show you something.

Charlotte had her baby!

You're a wonderful person!

Charlotte! Look what you did!

Hi, guys!

Look at the baby.

Charlotte, what a good girl you are.

Charlotte, is it all right

if Frog and I get hitched?

You see? It's better than

the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.

Well, Bo, what do we do now?

I think we ought to go back to doing

what I do best, show off.

That's a 10-4, good buddies.

- Shut up and get in the truck.

- Okay.

You're not getting away from me,

Bandit.

I'll chase you in hot pursuit

to the ends of the earth!

You sumbitch!

I guess we'll go back to doing

what I do best, show off.

When do we get started?

- When do we get started?

- That's my line.

- You say, "Whenever you like."

- Whenever you like.

- Keep it rolling. This is good stuff.

- I like this.

I'll tell you what. We're gonna go in town,

we're gonna listen to...

Let's do that again. I'm screwing up.

You keep it rolling.

He's doing great. I'm... Here we go.

You didn't waste any time

dilly-dallying around...

with other people when...

I'm gonna pick that up again.

I got it. It's okay.

Damn, that son of a b*tch

never gives up!

That's right. Now what do I say?

- 71, take two.

- 71, take two, camera B!

Oh, my clicker won't work.

Marker.

Tell Gregory Peck that he needs

to do this for me. I forgot the... line.

I'll tell you one thing, though.

I am holding up my endorsement...

until one or the other of you can...

I'm what you call your household legend.

Your basic legend. Your basic famous.

I'll just say that line again.

Get in the truck!

I'll tell her again. Get in the truck!

Charlotte! Hop in the truck.

Hop!

- In the house.

- Don't push the truck.

In the house, Charlotte!

You're pushing the truck to Georgia.

Come on.

That's right, you old fart.

Go the wrong way. This way.

- Here we go. Pick it up.

- Hold it. Steady.

If I was Clint Eastwood,

you'd say, "Pick Clint up."

Doctor, why don't we just keep

driving to Texas...

and you give her an examination

up in the truck?

Oh, Jesus. I'm missing my wife so bad!

Do you wanna...him while

we got him down here?

I was the leading gynaecologist

in Pompeii.

Snowman! I've had about it all's...

You dumb Indian.

Fred, just relax, son.

It ain't nearly as bad as it looks.

Get up in there, you son of a b*tch!

Get in there, you silly son of a b*tch!

- You got any diesel fuel?

- If I had any more diesel fuel...

I'd have to join that APEC, OPEC.

I'll give it to you again.

Do you realize I won

the marksmanship award?

Your father's ass!

Longer than three months

and your mother's ass.

But shorter than three years.

Sure, put her in the truck.

Bounce the "raby" around.

Don't make no difference.

Put her in the truck.

Bounce the "raby" around...

Your mother's ass.

Sure, la signora Charlotte can do

anything she wants.

Put her in the truck. Bounce the "raby"--

- Your mother's ass.

- Keep it rolling.

This lady gonna have a baby...

and not gonna be moved for 24...

- Cut it.

- I think we should ask this doctor.

Do you think we should move Charlotte

or let her rest or what?

I can't stand it! I'm sorry.

Okay. Come on.

Now.

Well, why don't we ask this doctor here?

Do you think we should move Charlotte

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes