Smoking Guns Page #5

I mean, you're like the size

of your old man's big toe.

F*** off.

[phone ringing]

[speaking in foreign language]

[Paul] Right, two,

75 pound bets, gentleman.

I think that's what we wanna do.

Come on, let's have some of that.

All suggestions

gratefully accepted.

This right.

31, 32, 33, and 34.

Put them on, put them on, put them

on, put them on, put them on.

Come on, this the we go,

this is the way we roll.

- That's it.

- Come on, let's go.

[marble falling]

Oh, you f***ing bastard.

It don't matter, come on,

don't matter, don't matter...

You should try spreading your bets a bit.

You know, cover a few more numbers.

What, and sacrifice

my potential maximum win?

- No, no, no, bet big.

- Win big.

- Thank you.

- Re-spin it.

Come on, then, here we go.

Here we go, bet big,

win big, come on.

Come on.

[marble falling]

[lan gasps]

Yeah, 14 red's a bastard,

it always fucks me.

It's your race, look.

Oh, yes, it is my race,

it's my world, it's my Gazump.

It's my Gazump a rump...

do this...

[indistinct chatter]

[announcer] And there off. Oh, and

Gazump has completely missed the break,

he's given away several

lengths to his rivals here.

That won't be easy to make up.

[Paul] I've bet on a

fixed race look at that.

You're right, it's a donkey.

F***ing hell, run!

What's he doing back there?

Mate, I've been done...

right, bollocks to it.

There's still

four furlongs to go,

I mean, you never know

what could still happen.

No, it's bollocks.

I tell, you it don't matter.

That was an appetizer,

that that was.

Where's my coffee?

You didn't ask me for a coffee.

There's only one of me.

[upbeat music]

We're still good, Paul.

Eight-to-one.

It's too good to be true.

You know what they say,

don't you?

Bet big, win big, come on.

Come on, Phil, before you

cut a fart, let's lay a bet.

1,100, love?

What are you, me mom?

Yeah, 1,100, you've gotta be

in it to win, don't you?

A gambling man, man, man

A gambling man, man, man

A gambling man, man, man

Oh, yeah, yeah,

a gambling man

Your horse come back, man,

it came third.

Did you play it each way

or to win?

Always play to win.

So, it's all or nothing

on the next race then?

No, it's just all.

How witty, but is it?

[shushing]

[announcer] And they're racing, and Risk it

all Paul, has got away to An Absolute Flyer.

- It's a good start, mate.

- It hasn't made a difference.

It's better than a bad start

though isn't it, Yiannis?

It's not how you start,

it's how you finish.

[announcer] Cherry Bomb

and Reality Checkers

are trying hard to

pull him back already,

but Risk it all Paul is

showing blinding early pace

as they go through

the early stages.

Look at him go,

look at him go, that's the way.

Come on, man, win.

Hold on, baby, hold on there.

- [Jack] Go on, boy.

- He's done it, he's gonna f***ing win this.

Hold on, baby,

hold on, that's it!

Please don't f*** me,

come on, please don't f*** me.

Please don't f*** me, please.

[announcer] This is gonna be tight.

Risk it all Paul is wilting.

Here's Reality Checkers.

Risk it all Paul is rallying.

Reality Checkers

and Risk it all Paul,

they go past the post together.

That's really close,

it's a photo.

Come on show the photo, what's this?

This is killing me, come on.

[announcer] Still waiting

on the photo there,

it really is tight

and here it comes.

Reality Checkers has won it...

I'm off now, lads.

You should always back it each way

when you're staking four figure sums.

Everybody knows that.

Either that or back the

favorite or the second favorite.

Looked like it won to me.

Risk it all Paul.

C*nt.

Unlucky son, yeah.

[Yiannis]

What, brassick, already?

Same time next month,

Paul, yeah?

Yeah, just you try and stop me.

[Jack]

Paul works 50 hours a week

conning the poor

into signing their lives away

for 25 years of paying interest.

Staining his soul for the chance of winning

in life on the last Friday of every month.

But it's not Paul's day today,

today's all about me,

it's my day of reckoning.

Deep down, I was just as happy

as Yiannis that he lost.

No one is stealing my thunder this

afternoon and certainly no wage slave.

The only thing you can get for

150 pound is a drilled piece.

But I only can guarantee it for one shot,

any more than that and the aim goes.

And it's dangerous,

it can go off in your hand.

It's a blank gun that's had the

chamber drilled and activated.

It's what all the little rappers

buy these days.

And 150 pound includes a nine millimeter

bullet already in the chamber.

All you've got to do

is take the safety off,

pull back the hammer, and boom.

- Sounds perfect.

- You got expensive ones?

Something cool like a f***ing

magnum or something like that?

Where are they?

They're in that case isn't it?

- You want to buy a magnum?

- No, not...

Well, yeah, in an ideal world

I'd like to, yeah.

- Only for customers.

- [Jack] What about AK 47's?

I heard you've got experience

handling those, too?

And then out of nowhere,

this little Albanian appears

in the middle of the factory

with Pipi,

armed with a f***ing AK 47,

an AK, just like in the films.

Nah, I've never had an AK,

too big and too bulky for me.

I'm too short to pull off an AK.

Magnum, definitely,

but not an AK.

Can I have your

phone number, please?

- Why, do you want to buy?

- Well, maybe in the future.

I got f***ing knocked

for all my cash

by a couple of f***ing pikeys,

you know, earlier on.

I would have bought one off you

straight away, mate, honestly, 100%.

Well, maybe in the future we do

business, get my number from Yiannis.

And maybe in the future

I show you a magnum.

Now, I'm gonna grab

a coupon and go.

I normally bet football online, but I've

been having problems with my net provider.

Yiannis, good to see you.

And, my young friend, give me a call

when you're ready to buy the magnum.

[Ian] Yeah, man.

And, Jack, remember my friend,

it's only good for one shot,

any more than that...

It's all I'm gonna need, mate.

Good.

[speaking in foreign language]

Well, he was an

interesting fellow.

Yeah, but he's alright.

Seriously, though Yiannis,

man, I appreciate it,

and, uh, Dirty Harry over here.

[chuckling]

[Ian] It's your race ain't it?

[announcer]

Heaven Sent giving his jockey

a really hard time

in the stalls here...

And they're off, and Blue Cadet, the

favorite, is off to a great start.

[dramatic music]

[grunting]

Come on!

[announcer] The closing stages, here.

Heaven Sent and Envy...

Come on!

[announcer] Envy and Heaven Sent

having a real battle as they go...

Yes, f***!

You win the second race?

Yeah, I did, man, but I'm not

gonna celebrate just yet, man.

God's got a way

of f***ing me up.

He's done it to me

my whole life.

[Yiannis]

Don't be such a pessimist.

Look who's f***ing talking.

Oh, f*** off, you.

Jack, you're gonna sort me out

if it wins, too, right?

Oh, he's changed his

f***ing tune now, ain't he?

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