Smoking Guns Page #6

Listen, boys, now if it wins,

I'm gonna sort you both out.

You too, Carlton, man.

[Yiannis] Good karma?

[Jack] You know, isn't it?

You know, I might be just

stupid enough to think that

if the shoe was on the other foot,

you two would do the same for me?

- You f***ing know I would.

- Absolutely.

Jack, sweetheart, can I have

a word with you please, babe?

[Yiannis] There we go,

Jack, you've pulled, mate.

[laughing]

Look, I've had head office

on the phone and, um,

well, that little wager

you made earlier,

it's made us all a bit nervous.

Yeah?

Well, you've been lucky so far.

Phyllis, take a look at me.

Do I look f***ing lucky?

Well, we'd like to

settle the bet with you.

[Yiannis] What's happening?

We'd like to settle the bet,

we'd like to buy it off you.

I don't get it though, I've

still got another race to go.

You wanna settle a bet

with another race to go?

Yeah, but we'd like to offer

you 30,000 pounds for it.

- Take it.

- No.

If the next horse comes in,

I win 500 grand.

That's serious money.

That's start over money,

that's new life money.

Why should I sell it

back to them for 30 grand?

If I'm sensible,

which I rarely am,

I'll be standing in the same situation I am

in today, couple of months down the line.

Nah, I'm gonna need

the whole half a mill.

It's not worth that much.

[Jack] What is it then?

- Round about 340,000.

- That'll do.

Sorry, can I help you, mate?

Oh, no. Sorry, love,

I'm on the phone.

Don't be an idiot,

it's seven-to-one for a reason.

If they ran that race

seven times over,

your donkey, theoretically,

would win just once.

Take the f***ing money.

No, Yiannis, it's not

even about the money, mate.

If it wins, right,

I'm a winner, man.

If it loses, game over.

Stop all this self-centered

f***ing bollocks, would you,

and just think for a second,

you stupid twit.

Of course, it's about the money.

You've never seen this much

f***ing money in all your life.

Phyllis, he'll take the 30

grand, get the checkbook out.

No, no, no, no, no,

I'll wait for the last race.

Phyllis, write out the check,

he'll take it.

F*** off, Yiannis, alright!

Look, Jack, sweetheart, this

really is a life changing amount.

I mean, babe, I'm not supposed

to be telling you this but...

You're right sweetheart,

you're right.

Keep your f***ing

mouth shut, yeah.

You didn't give a f***

about me before,

so don't go on

like you care now, yeah.

Don't f***ing expect a tip either,

Phyllis, if it wins, alright.

Me and Yiannis, we're still

waiting for that coffee.

In fact,

stuff your f***ing coffee,

it tastes like sh*t

anyway, yeah.

Yeah, man, I'm f***ing starving,

I haven't f***ing eaten all day.

Shall we go and get

a burger or something?

You didn't even

ask me for a coffee.

You know, if you ask me for a

coffee, I'll make you a coffee.

That's the whole f***ing

point though, isn't it?

You never f***ing offered

did you, Phyllis, huh?

The amount of money I've given

you in the last few months, man,

- it makes me f***ing feel sick when

I think about it. - [phone ringing]

Come on, it's not like it

ends up in my pocket, is it?

[Jack] Well, you f***ing act

like it does, Phyllis.

How quickly can you get here?

Jack, don't cut your

nose to spite your face.

Please, mate, for me,

take the money.

Don't worry about sorting

anybody else out, just take it.

Look, I need to phone

head office back

and let them know if you're going

to accept our offer or not.

You know what, yeah?

Everyone's gotta have

their day one day, isn't it?

Maybe today's mine,

I mean, I doubt it,

but you never know, do you?

What's going on, man?

[Yiannis] Jack's gone mad,

that's what.

They've offered to

take his bet off him

as it stands for 30K and

he's turning them down.

F*** off.

Ian, mate, do you

wanna come and get a burger?

Youse boys won't see me around

after today, win or lose.

You gettin' a burger,

Yian, or what?

Go on, then, maybe I can

talk some sense into you.

You fancy a burger, mate?

That's very kind

of you Jack, yeah.

I'll see you over there.

Last chance, Jack.

Stick it up your f***ing c*nt.

What did you say?

Don't worry about him,

I'll have a word with him.

Yeah, you had better

because I'll tell you what,

I have barred people

for less than this.

Listen, sweetheart,

do me a favor?

Could you hold that bet back

until the race starts?

Look, alright, fine, okay.

I'll stall it and I'll phone head office

and see if they can hold on, okay,

but only, only because

you asked me, Yiannis.

[calm music]

What you gonna do with

that money if it wins, bruv?

I don't wanna talk about it

just about now.

What you gonna do if it loses?

I said I don't

wanna talk about it.

I don't wanna give

myself a heart attack.

That's Bektash over there.

Oh, yeah, Bektash,

the f***ing drug dealer.

Look at him, looks like a

f***ing cab driver to me, mate.

You guys wait here.

I need to talk to him.

Hey, Bektash,

how you doing, my old friend?

[Bektash] How are you, Yiannis?

- Good to see you.

- Good to see you.

Listen, any more tips for the

Turkish football this weekend?

That last one you gave me,

Besiktas, won five-nil,

it was a really good tip.

That was a good one, yes.

I don't know,

this week I'm thinking

Bursaspor to beat

Galatasary, yeah.

I mean, I know

they're the underdogs

but Galatasary got so much

injury problems nowadays, huh?

And Bursaspor are on form.

So Bursaspor to beat Galatasary?

Yeah, five-to-one.

Yeah, I'll look at

that in a minute, yeah.

What's that you've got

in the boot then?

- Ah, you've got a good eye, eh.

- Yeah.

It's basically a present

for the girlfriend, you know.

Persian rug for the girlfriend

and I get some jiggy jiggy.

[chuckles]

Bektash, you old devil.

Make sure the wife

doesn't find out.

She'd kill me.

But, listen, I'd better go, huh.

But I'll come round

to the bookies tomorrow,

alright, and we can

talk properly then.

- [Yiannis] Good to see you, my friend.

- [Bektash] Take care, huh.

Make sure you don't get caught.

I won't...

[laughing]

[acoustic music plays]

Get us a table upstairs

would you, Ian?

Get us a cheeseburger then,

I'll go up and get one.

Go on.

[Jack] I'll get these, Yian.

You ain't won

anything yet, you know?

So don't act like the

big shot on your last score.

It's, alright, I'll get these.

Two king meals and a

kid's box meal please, darling.

[phone ringing]

Hello, Avalanche Inn,

how can I help you?

Yes, we do

Knickerbocker Glories.

Do you believe in God, Yian?

Well, that's a little deep

for queuing conversation.

- [woman] And one coffee?

- Do you?

[woman] Yeah, it'll be ready

in five minutes.

Well, I kind of have

my own interpretation.

Go on, let's hear it.

I believe in good and bad,

right from wrong.

I believe that everybody knows

the difference, everyone.

What is the bible?

The bible is an ancient opinion

of how someone should

live in a decent society,

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