Smoking Guns Page #7

and offers a reward

of heaven in return.

It's a simple code of conduct.

If you're good more than

you're bad, you go to heaven.

If you're bad more than

you're good, you go to hell.

It's the same across the board.

Every religion, in essence,

is more or less the same,

bar a few tiny

variations to the rules.

Good is good, bad is bad.

Good equals everlasting joy.

Bad equals eternal pain

and suffering.

The problem is,

men will always do bad...

and they'll know

they're doing wrong

and whether you

threaten them with hell

or eternal damnation

or whatever;

they will still knowingly do it

if they feel it necessary

in whatever predicament

they find themselves

in at the time,

and just hope that they

can balance it out

with enough good for the rest of

their lives to make up for it.

- The truth is, a real man...

[tapping sound]

will happily do something bad

for the sake of his family,

- even kill, if necessary...

[tapping continues]

whatever the deterrent.

[knife tapping on the table]

Jack.

What?

Let me see the gun.

What for?

I just wanna see it.

After I'm eating.

Come on, let me have a look

at it before someone comes up.

There's probably

cameras in here.

Don't be stupid,

they ain't got cameras up here.

Come on, let me have

a look at it, man.

[soft chuckle]

[hard rock chord plays]

- Jack.

- What?

You should have taken

the 30 grand.

[hard rock chord plays]

Stop going on about it, Yiannis.

I'm being serious.

You should have taken it,

it was the right thing to do.

[hard rock chord plays]

It's done now, so f*** it.

["Bad to the Bone" by George

Thorogood & The Destroyers]

On the day I was born

The nurses

all gathered round

And they gazed

in wide wonder

At the joy they had found

The head nurse spoke up

Said leave this one alone

She could tell right away

That I was bad to the bone

Bad to the bone

Bad to the bone

Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba bad

Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba bad

Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba bad

Bad to the bone

I broke a thousand hearts

Before I met you

I'll break a

thousand more, baby

Before I am through

I wanna be yours

pretty baby

Yours and yours alone

I'm here to tell ya, honey

That I'm bad to the bone

Bad to the bone

Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba bad

Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba bad

Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba bad

Bad to the bone

[Jack] I already

knew to get out of hell

I'd have to dance

with the devil.

And it seems the devil

you have chose for me

comes in the shape

of a camp gangster,

a washed up fighter,

and an out of date male model.

One way or another, this version

of me checks out, today,

so how can I be frightened

and intimidated

when I've already

laid it all on the line.

I'm a man with nothing left, which

means I have nothing more to lose.

Intimidation might work

with Yiannis,

and Ian might be gullible enough to

believe Yiannis's bullshit story

about this clown killing

two Yardie gangsters.

But how can I be intimidated

on the day of my resurrection?

My pulse beats calm, my head

is clearer than it's ever been.

This is my final battle

in my personal revolution,

and whatever the obstacles

you have put in front of me

I know I have the will to smash right

through them on the road to grace.

I haven't had a

Knickerbocker Glory since 1998.

You see, I have the capacity to be

fat, so I have to watch the calories.

My mother was fat,

so was my father, really fat.

So I have to be careful.

But when I saw

they had this on the menu...

I mean, most places don't

even do it anymore.

I am a man

of constant sorrow

I've seen trouble

all my days

- I bid farewell...

Mm...

[Jack] A gangster's greed

can never overcome

my quest for glory,

and that's all it is, greed.

How much more does

he really need?

I'm sure he already has a

nice house, a flash motor,

and sex on tap, but greed is

what drives him to want more.

Well, I want a go

and I'm not greedy.

I just want to know

what winning feels like.

Lean in a bit, Ian.

A bit closer.

Try that cherry.

Now, how sweet is that?

- It's sweet and yummy.

- Sweet and yummy.

In fact, you could say I've just

lost my cherry to young Ian.

- I'm Richard, by the way.

- I know who you are, mate.

Do you?

Yeah, you're Richard Holt,

people call you Holt.

What people are they?

I've lived round here

my entire life, I ain't no mug.

I know the people

that are worth knowing about.

I'm flattered.

So, tell me what else

do people say about me?

- Are you a coke dealer?

- Shut it, Ian!

[Holt laughing]

Mark...

Mark, do me a favor, swap seats

with young Ian, will you?

Come on, come round here.

Alright.

Sit down, come here,

let me tell you something.

The innocence of youth, aye?

I love it, I really love it.

A drug dealer?

You know, I haven't sold

a wrap of coke in years.

And I'm certainly not a dealer.

I'm more of a...

I'm more of a...

He's more of a... a senior

commodities opportunist consultant.

A senior commodities

opportunist consultant.

Bravo, Zack, bravo.

I take it that was

a pre-prepared answer?

Zack's been contemplating what to put

on his mortgage application form.

[chuckles]

Got to put something down,

you know.

Fake pay slips or not,

can't leave occupation empty,

and that pretty much

summed it up nicely.

You should have put assassin, or

something really cool sounding down.

On my mortgage

application forms?

That's why you're

still renting, Mark.

An opportunist,

one who takes advantage

of any situation in order

to achieve an end goal.

Now, just because

I've been known, in the past,

to relieve the odd coke dealer

of their associated possessions

and sell it on

to the highest bidder,

that does not make me

a f***ing coke dealer.

Well, in these times

of recession,

a man's got to make a

living somehow, I suppose.

My thoughts exactly,

Yiannis, my thoughts exactly.

A drug dealer?

Young Ian, I've got a bit

more class than that, mate.

I heard through the grapevine

that you killed a couple

of Jamaican Yardies.

Is that true

or is that a bullshit?

Jamaican Yardies?

See, I thought it was bullshit,

told the boys

the same thing earlier.

I told them you ain't

got the eyes of a killer.

I'm sorry, I just...

I keep... I get emotional.

The eyes of a killer?

Yeah, the eyes of a killer,

you ain't got them.

The eyes of a killer, Zack.

What a terrible,

clich thing to say.

I mean, how corny is this guy?

Well, have you ever

killed anyone?

No, I mean,

I hate the sight of blood.

But that's not the point.

It's still a clich,

corny thing to say.

Well, what about you?

You're a f***ing walking clich,

all three of you,

the gangster and his goons.

You two look like

a pair of poofs.

And you, you look like

a f***ing joke.

I don't buy any of it.

I'm not a goon, you ask anyone.

I'm actually really

a nice bloke.

Is that what you actually

do for a living, rob dealers?

I take advantage

of situations, young Ian.

Take our friend,

Jack, over there.

Jack, currently has a betting

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