Smosh: The Movie Page #8

and I actually have a

really big tip for you, too.

- You do?

- I do.

It's actually right inside this pizza box.

- Okay.

- No, Mom, don't look! Don't...

- Oh.

- Yeah.

That's funny. Funny.

Yeah, I think it's time for you to go now.

Well, enjoy your pizza.

I'm the best! "Steve

"You-too-bay," out!

Okay. Well, he seemed lovely.

I gotta say, rich or

poor, that man really does

commit to the wiener joke.

You have to respect that

on some level.

Oh, our limo's here.

Oh, well I guess we

better get dressed then.

Mm, mm, yes,

Alfred, please fetch us your finest wares.

Yes, Alfred, get me my tuxedo.

My name is Frank.

Ta-ta, gov'ner.

Our accents are so good.

Alfredo, can you fetch me some quesadillas?

- Ah, ha ha ha.

- Alfredo.

Yeah

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Ladies and gentlemen,

please give a warm

Rockville High "welcome back"

to our rich and famous alumni...

- Get off the stage!

- Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla!

Yeah. What's up?

- Yo, yo.

- Yo, good to see you.

Good to see you. Good to see you guys.

Get outta here, Moss.

Bros!

So great to have you here.

So great!

Thanks.

Anything you need, just let me know.

I'm emceeing this little shindig.

We got a free taco bar over there,

so help yourself to whatever.

- Thanks, Mr. Ellis.

- Yeah. Yeah.

Nice!

Tonight is gonna rock.

Yeah.

It's gonna rock balls! Whoo!

Anna's here.

Go get her, man. Go on.

I was a stranger and you let me in

Um, Butt Massage Girl and I are

gonna go start on that taco bar.

Hey, Anna. What's up?

Oh. Anthony.

Yeah, it's me.

I didn't think I'd see you here tonight.

Why not?

You know, you're rich and famous now.

Figured you'd have better things to do.

Well, I mean, yeah, I

do have a ton of cool,

rich, expensive stuff I could be doing,

but wanted to show up and see you.

Me? Why?

Um...

Well, because I wanted to

tell you that I love you too.

You came here to tell me you love YouTube?

No, no, no, no, I love you also.

I know you love me, and I love you,

and I've loved you ever since

the first time I saw you.

Hold on.

Love you?

Yeah, I saw your... I saw

your vlog, you love me.

Anthony, that was a long time ago.

You were a different guy then.

Yeah, I was a loser.

But I'm not anymore.

No. You were never a loser.

You were just... weird and quirky

and only showered, like, once a week,

but I liked that about

you. It was like you had

better things to worry about

than your looks and basic hygiene.

And now, you're like a guy who would spend

$80 on a haircut.

Look, I'm still the same guy, I swear.

Anthony, you're wearing a tuxedo.

I wore this tux 'cause I

thought it's what you wanted.

I'm sorry. It's just not.

Mmm. I don't know why I'm eating tacos.

They go straight to my butt.

Oh, really?

Yeah, that's horrible, right? Terrible.

Hey.

So? How'd it go?

Well... I blew it.

What?

Yeah, she liked the old me, the loser me.

Mm.

I'm sorry, man, I dragged you

through all this for nothing.

Hold on, man. You made my dreams come true.

Look, I am dating Butt Massage Girl.

- I have a name, you know.

- N-n-n... don't.

Don't ruin the moment.

Yes, we're rich and

famous, but the real you

is still in there, just as stupid as ever.

And, on a long enough timeline,

all $85 haircuts become $10 haircuts

if you let them grow out long enough.

You're right.

Of course I'm right.

I'm always right, right?

- You're always right.

- Yeah.

You can do this, Anthony.

Yeah. Yeah.

Who here loves The Deadmau5?

Boom.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our rich and famous

alumni, Anthony Padilla,

has a song he'd like to perform,

and since he's rich and famous,

I'm gonna allow him to do

whatever he wants here tonight.

Let's get ready to rock balls to

Magic Pocket Slave Monsters!

- Yeah!

- Whoo!

That's my friend up there.

That's his friend.

This song goes out to a very special lady

out here in the crowd tonight.

You rock, Anthony!

Take it off! Take it off!

Hit it, Mr. Ellis.

I want to be the master

I want to flip the switch

Whoa!

I want...

I did the flip.

- He did the flip.

- He did the flip!

I did the flip!

You should be up there with him.

You're right.

Rock balls!

I want to capture all these guys

And make each one my b*tch

I want to travel everywhere

Any chance I see

I'll rip a pocket slave monster

From his family

Magic Pocket Slave Monsters

You now work for me

Even worse, you work for free

Magic Pocket Slave Monsters

You'd better fight when I call

Or I'll castrate your balls

Magic Pocket Slave Monsters

Get back in your cube or

I'll kill everyone you love

I'm a heartless dick

You're crazy.

See, I told you.

How do I know this is real? How do I know

you're not just showing

me what I want to see?

Well, you're just gonna

have to trust me, Anna.

Wh... wh... whoa!

Aah!

Dude, I think he's gonna be okay.

Wh... wh... whoa! Oh!

Nope, he's dead.

Oh, my God, call the police!

It really is you.

I'll never pay more than

$10 for a haircut again.

Promise?

Oh!

Oh!

- I'm so proud of you.

- Wasn't I so good?

- You were so good.

- I'm so good at dancing.

You were so good.

Anna Reed's in the house, y'all!

Hi, I'm Anna.

Nice to meet you. My name's Brad.

What the f***?

What... what

Okay, do it again.

And...

Bleah!

M.C. Hammer time.

And, action!

I know it hurts

Cut. Get that mask off.

I know it hurts so bad

Yeah, yeah, my nipples are

a little hard right now.

Puttin' in a few hours at the gym.

I'll be the CEO of Pizza

Co., rollin' in the dough.

Yeah. Yeah, that was a pun.

CEO Anthony.

Right from the top rope.

Damn, I've never done it

in the top rope, that's why I'm

having a hard time with that.

- All right, here we go.

- And...

- Oh! I'm giving birth!

- Aah!

- I'm giving birth!

- Oh!

That was really early.

Who's gonna watch me enslave

all these cute, adorable,

fuzzy creaters?

I said "creaters. " What's a creater?

Cut.

Just do the other guy's

line... do Ian's line?

Yeah.

"The other guy"?

- Sorry.

- "The other guy"?

It slipped out. It slipped out.

I'm out.

- You're the other guy.

- I'm the other guy.

I'm "the guy" and he's "the other guy. "

Yeah.

One, two, three, four

I can see a picture in my

head of someone spinning

I could always tell it was

the end of the beginning

When you coming over here?

There's no need for pretending

I try not to be callous

With the signals

that you're sending

I go, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Now don't you ever

break my heart, girl

To put an end to what you saw, girl

Now don't you ever

break my heart, girl

Now don't you ever

break my heart, girl

To put an end to what you saw, girl

I was a stranger when you let me in

I was a danger to myself and others

If I had a nickel

every time I heard

All their crazy thoughts

burning out of my world

Say oh

You hurt me on the radio

Couldn't let the feelings show

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