Snow White and the Three Stooges Page #4

l still feel we're trespassing.

- After you.

- No, no.

Apres vous, mon brave.

l insist.

- How do you like it?

- Oh, it's fine...

as long as l...

remember to keep ducking.

There's another

little room in here.

[ Whispering ]

One of the dwarves is still here!

lmpossible.

lt must be a burglar.

When l grab him,

you three help me overpower him.

[ Stuttering ]

Well, why wake him? Maybe he needs his sleep.

Aw, stay here.

- lt's a girl.

- What's she doin' here?

The dwarves must lend

this place to everybody.

Shh! Don't wake her.

She's beautiful.

Forgive us, miss.

We didn't mean to wake you.

Where am l?

How did l get here?

You're in the cottage

of the Seven Dwarves.

But we don't know how you got here.

We've only just arrived.

Oh, l remember now.

The queen--

She tried to have me killed!

Please help me.

l'm in terrible danger.

Well, of course

we'll help you, miss.

- But first, please tell us who you are.

- Snow White.

- Not the princess Snow White?

- Yes.

A real princess!

Who are you?

Well, we'rejust strolling

players, Your Highness.

But from now on,

we're your bodyguards.

That's right.

You can count on us!

- Come what may!

- Ad infinitum!

What brought you

to our kingdom?

We were sent for

to give a performance at the palace.

They're holding a big

celebration tonight.

But as soon as it's over,

we'll take you wherever you want to go...

where you'll be safe.

Oh, thank you.

Meanwhile, how about some breakfast?

l'm famished.

- And l'm sure Your Queenship must be.

- l believe l am.

Good! We stole

a couple of--

That is, we're minding some eggs for

an absent-minded duck we ran into.

- l'll get 'em!

- l'll make the fire!

- l'll get some wood.

- l'll set the table!

l can make bread

if there's any flour.

- Flour?

- Flour?

There's a whole barrel of it.!

- Yeah.

- After you.

- Oh, don't start that. Go on. Get it.

- Okay.

- Be careful.

- All right.

Watch yourself. Here, here, here.

l'll help you.

- l'm sorry.

- [ Spits ]

Here they are.

One for each!

[ Crashes, Thuds ]

- Sire.

- ls it done?

Here is her heart.

- Guard this carefully until l return from my ride.

- Yes, my lord.

Also, the mountebanks who are to perform

before the queen tonight are here.

Will you see them?

[ Snaps Fingers ]

You are the vagabonds

that are supposed to make us laugh?

- Yes, Your Honor. lf it pleases Your Honor.

- Long live Your Honor.

You are hardly what l would call

prepossessing to the eye.

Thank you, Your Honor.

What do you do?

These gentlemen are magicians, sire.

Very fine artists.

Uh, Quatro here sings

and entertains, Your Honor.

Well, it's too late

to hire anybody else.

You'll appear before the queen

at 8:
00 tonight.

- We're flattered, Your Honor.

- You will eat in the kitchen

with the royal servants.

l hope l do not have to tell you to avoid

all jokes in bad taste.

- Of course.

- The royal butler will compensate you...

at the close

of your entertainment.

l trust it won't be

money down the drain.

That is all.

[ Cracks Whip ]

- Thank you, Your Worship.

- You're very kind, Your Worship.

- Happy birthday, uh, Your Worship.

- [ Whispers ] Come on!

- Hello!

- [ Whistles ]

[ Snow White ]

ln here.!

- Well, we're back!

- l'm so glad.

- l was beginning to get a little worried.

- Why?

- Has anyone been near the cottage?

- Not a soul.

- But l missed you.

- Hey!

l wouldn't know

the old place!

- l've never seen so much flour in my life.

- [ All Chuckle ]

- ls everything arranged for your performance?

- lt certainly is.

- Tonight's the night.

- And Count Oga's crazy about us already!

- l wish l could be there to watch you.

- So do we.

Why don't we stage a performance right now

for Her Highness's own special benefit?

Oh, please do.

l'd love that.

No sooner said than done.Jump to it, boys.

[ Snaps Fingers ]

- A chair for Her Highness.

- A chair, a chair.

- lnstruments?

- lnstruments.

- Your Highness.

- Curtain going up!

Maestro, if you please.

Your Highness, lords,

ladies and jellyspoons...

it is a privilege to bring

to you in person...

the one and only renowned

prestidigitateur...

and entrepreneur

par excellence...

Quatro the Great.

- [ Bells Jingling ]

- l thank you. l thank you. l thank you.

But allow me to correct an unpardonable

boo-boo on the part of Maestro Moe.

l am the only real brains here.

l am Quinto the Mind Reader.

l shall now proceed to tell Your Highness

exactly what you're thinking.

Quinto, you're appearing

before royalty.

Do you want your head

chopped off?

Why not?

You've lost yours already.

- [Jingling Continues ]

- [ Quatro ] That will do.

Please excuse him, Your Highness.

He's not his usual self.

How can l be my usual self

when you're not your usual self?

At least l know

how to mind my manners.

Hmm. l'll tell you what he's thinking,

Your Highness.

- He thinks you're-- [ Muffled ]

- No, you don't.

Unless you want this to be

your farewell performance.

l'm not allowed to say one tiny harmless word

to Her Highness?

Definitely not!

May l sing to her?

That can't do any harm.

- May he sing to Your Highness?

- [ Laughs ] l'd love him to.

Gentlemen, a chord, please.

Why am l

dancing and singing

Because l'm in love

Why is my heart

ting-a-linging

Because l'm in love

Why do l walk

when it's raining

As though it were

sunny and dry

Must l explain

all over again

l'm in love, l'm in love

l'm in love

So in love

l'm in love

l'm in love

That's why

Everybody wants

to be a comedian.

ls that what you call minding your manners,

stealing my thunder?

l beg your pardon, Quinto.

Apologize to the princess,

not to me.

Forgive me,

Your Highness.

lt won't happen again.

l'll see to that.

Play.

- Gypsies!

- [ Mumbles ]

- Play!

- Please, gypsies. Together!

A one, a two--

Must l explain

all over again

l'm in love, l'm in love

l'm in love

So in love

l'm in love

l'm in love

That's why

[ Applauding ]

l don't care

what they say.

l love you, dear princess.

l love you.

Fare thee well.

Good-bye, dear Quinto.

l love you too.

- Mmm--

- [ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Thunder Continues ]

Now don't worry, folks.

lt'll only be an April shower.

Next, a concertina solo

by Professor CurlyJoe.

What's with you?

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

Traitor! You shall be hanged,

drawn and quartered!

l, Your Majesty?

What have l done?

- Snow White is still alive!

- lmpossible.!

My mirror has just told me,

and my mirror never lies!

But you have her heart

to prove it!

This? This is

the heart of a pig!

- [ Crashes ]

- [ Whimpers ]

[ Screaming ]

Snow White is still alive!

Then Hordred has

betrayed us both.

Guard! Guard!

Seize Hordred the Huntsman

and take him to the torture chamber...

at once!

No, no!

[ Panting ]

[ Grunts ]

Stop! Stop! l can't bear it!

Then tell us,

why didn't you kill Snow White?

[ Gasping ]

l tried. l couldn't.

l told her to flee

for her life.

- Where is she now?

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