Snow White and the Three Stooges Page #5

- l don't know.

- [ Creaks ]

- [ Screams ] l don't know. l swear it!

How many other times

have you deceived us?

What happened to the little prince

you were supposed to kill?

- l suppose you let him escape too!

- No! No!

He was rescued

by three mountebanks.

What?

Then he's still alive?

Are you sure, man?

Tell the truth.

l am telling the truth.

l did what you told me.

l dressed him as a peasant

so no one would know him.

l was about to finish him

and throw him into the river...

when l was attacked

by these three mountebanks.

What three mountebanks?

What proof do we have

they ever existed? None.

[ Groans ]

Yes, my lord.

They are the same three

you talked to this morning.

Those clodhoppers?

You must be mad.

[ Gasping ]

No. No! l swear! By my mother's name l swear!

But there were

four of them.

That youth-- l thought

there was something...

far too arrogant about his manner

for a peasant.

And he and the prince

would be of an age.

Your Majesty,

fantastic as it may sound...

l believe that fate has played the missing prince

back into our hands.

- Captain--

- Aye.

Search the countryside

for those mountebanks...

and don't come back here

without all four!

Yes, Your Majesty.

And you--

you, Count Oga!

l hold you responsible

for the escape of Snow White.

See that she is found

before the day is out...

or you'll join your friend

here on the rack!

- [ Grunts ]

- Bungler! l'll finish you off personally.

Those floors--

l don't think they've been scrubbed for years.

[ Chuckles ]

That's because the Seven Dwarves are bachelors.

[ Exhales ]

lf anyone had told me yesterday...

that l'd be here

with you today--

l'm very glad you are.

l--

[ Clears Throat ]

Quinto can think of nothing except you,

since he sang his heart out to you.

You mean he really meant

the things he said?

Every word.

He's a very sentimental

fellow, Quinto.

And he's fallen in love

for the first time in his life.

- The very first time?

- The first and only time.

l'm glad l took him

seriously then.

Oh, l hope you didn't do that,

Your Highness.

Why not?

Because you and he

belong in different worlds.

lf only--

lf only what?

lf only you were

a commoner like he is.

But l am.

Just for the moment.

You're the rightful queen of your country.

Nothing can ever change that.

And Quinto-- he doesn't even know who

his mother and father were.

l'm sure l would've loved them too,

whoever they were.

l'll tell Quinto

you said that.

lt'll make him very happy.

Couldn't l tell him myself?

l think it would be wiser

not to, don't you?

lf you say so.

But if you had told him,

l know what he would've answered.

Tell me, please.

l said it then

As l say it now

l love you

l said it then

And l say again

Truly

l do

Though the words are old

Each time they're told

We make this moment

A thrill

l said it then

l say it now

And l always

Will

Though the words are old

Each time they're told

[ Together]

We make this moment

A thrill

l said it then

l say it now

And l always

Will

[ Moe ]

Quatro, where are you?

Oh! We were waiting

for that water.

Yeah, we got the furniture

all stacked up.

l'm sorry.

l must've been off on a cloud somewhere.

l'll take that, son.

You two can stay out here on that ''cloud.''

- Hark! ''Hooses' hoffs''!

- [ Galloping ]

l mean, horses' hooves!

lt's the queen's soldiers.

Quick,you three.! Hide the princess.!

- ln the house. Come on!

- No! That's the first place they'll look.

Behind here.

- What about you?

- l'll stay and misdirect.

lt's you they're looking for, not me.

Hurry!

- This way, Your Highness.

- Come on.

You there! Halt!

Halt in the queen's name or you'll be slain!

- May l be of help, good sirs?

- You and your three confederates

are under arrest.

- Where are they?

- Arrest?

We've done no harm.

There must be some mistake.

Count Oga does not

make mistakes.

He has found out that you are the pretender

to the throne of Bravuria.

[ Gasps ]

Prince Charming.

[ Captain ]

Bind him.!

Why, l-- l'm very

flattered, sire...

but l'm of humble birth

and never made any secret of it.

You can tell all that

to the proper authorities.

Take him to the palace

while we search for the other three.

- What will they do to him?

- Shh.

You two search the cottage.

lf they offer any resistance, cut their heads off.

l'll look out here.

[ Water Splashing ]

- They're not in the house.

- They're not in the wagon either.

- Must've got wind of our coming and fled.

- Remount! After them!

What can we do?

She'll kill him like

she tried to kill me.

Don't worry, Your Highness.

We won't let the queen harm a hair of his head.

- How will we stop her?

- We'll think of a way.

lt better be good.

She's after our scalps too.

First we have to look after the princess.

We can't help Quatro...

until we know

Her Highness is safe.

[ Oga ]

We know that you are the prince.

l am not the prince.

l'm nothing but a strolling player,

Your Majesty...

and my friends are innocent.

- That man mistook them.

- Not me.

l know they're the men who attacked me.

We'll get to the truth

soon enough.

Old woman, you were nurse to the young

Prince Charming before his disappearance.

l was, Your Majesty,

for all of his seven years.

- lf he still lived, would you recognize him?

- Oh, at once, Your Majesty.

He had a birthmark like a crescent

right here on his chest.

The very mark.!

He is the prince.!

[ Gasps ]

Your Highness! Your Highness!

l think that removes all doubt,

Your Majesty.

To the dungeon with him!

The rightful king.

[ Keys Clattering ]

[ Footsteps Departing ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Whistling ]

[ Mouths Words ]

[ Knocking ]

- About time you got here!

- Fresh vegetables for the queen's table!

Yeah.

Picked fresh this morning.

What happened to

the regular man?

Oh, a crate of onions

upset him.

You mean he ate

a whole crate full?

No, it fell on him.

Good. The last lot of onions

he sent me even a pig wouldn't eat.

- Maybe you just weren't hungry.

- [ Scoffs ]

- Ready to unload?

- Unload?

l leave that sort of thing

to my underlings.

Hans! Fritz!

Unload the vegetables!

Ooh!

[ Whistles ]

A few holes and this would make

a very fine flute.

[ Scoffs ]

You get the pumpkins.

Hey!

What's going on there?

Oh! l'll make goulash

out of you varlets!

Where are you?

Oh!

Come here and stand--

Stand and fight!

Aaah! Come here!

Oh!

- At ease, my man!

- Salutations.

Ad infinitum.

[ Vocalizing ]

- Food for the prisoner.

- You've come to the wrong cell.

This man is

to be executed.

On an empty stomach?

Don't be so unpatriotic.

Ah, l don't hold with

all this mollycoddling.

Hey. How come a whole loaf of bread

for just one man?

Because it's his last meal.

Now, if it was me,

l'd start off with oysters and white wine--

- Ah!

- What is this obnoxious concoction?

- That's, uh, sandwich surprise.

- Yeah, for the man who's eaten everything.

Well, what are you trying

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