Some Guy Who Kills People Page #3

it really takes some getting used to.

You'll figure it out.

Really appreciate you getting me this job.

I wish I could do more, Ken.

I really do.

What a practice.

I mean, I've been hot before but tonight was crazy.

I was totally on fire from three-point land.

I was like... Pop! Pop! Pop!

Honestly, I felt kinda bad for the other girls.

- Did you want some ice cream?

- No, I'm cool. I just...

thought I'd swing by and keep you company,

you know, and get to know each other a little.

Hey, Boyd, It's not cocktail hour, Boyd.

Oh, of course not, sir.

Table four has got some new gum on its underside.

Go introduce yourself.

- Hey, mister.

- Yes?

- You're rich, right?

- Well, I...

- do quite well.

- I'm sure.

- What kind of car do you drive?

- It's a champagne Camry.

Wow! That's a sweet car, mister.

- How fast does it go?

- Actually I've had it up to about 91.

Awesome! I'm totally gonna tell my

parents to get me a Camry when I grow up.

Thanks, mister.

Nice kid.

Shittin' yourself now, huh?

- Hello?

- Where the hell are you?

- I'm doing something.

- Get your ass home.

- How old is my dad in this picture?

- I'm a little busy right now, ma.

She won't stop talking.

- Is this my dad with the beard?

- Oh, God, oh.

Home... Now!

Can I have 10 minutes?

Sure would made things easier if

he'd put a return address on here.

Sh*t.

That...

is... weird.

What the hell's happening in my town, sheriff?

Doing everything we can, sir.

- Well, it's clearly not enough.

- Sir, with all due respect,

you don't want to bring in outside help.

That's fine.

But that just leaves me and

Ernie here to solve the problem.

And hell! Those other two guys can barely read.

Now, you can't tie our legs behind our backs,

and ask us to sprint.

So, please either call in reinforcements,

take my badge, or shut the f*** up.

It's quite a tableau, huh, Ernie?

Tableau, sir?

Allow yourself to look at this

thing in the greater context,

as part of the whole.

The killer's use of...

abstract expressionism.

In the obvious homage to the

great works of Marcel Duchamp.

It's like the bodies before it, is displayed

with a sense of minimalistic purity constraint.

Like the dumpster, the wicker chair.

Now, you see the bathtub, it's...

Imprisonment.

I bring justice.

Punishment.

Punishment for what, you think?

I have no idea.

Why do you smell like eucalyptus?

- How's the spaghetti, hun?

- Great, thanks.

Good.

- Do you cook, dad?

- I made lasagna once.

- Yeah?

- It was pretty good.

Really?

Don't make me lie twice, Ken.

So how do you like Green Oaks so far?

It's cool. Not much happens really.

Well, we have an owl festival in a couple of weeks.

- There have been some murders.

- Yeah?

Walt, we do not need to talk about this.

Oh, c'mon, she's a big girl. What are you, 19?

- 11.

- That's close enough.

- Do you have any idea who's doing it?

- Well let's put it this way, hun,

if we dumped all of our leads into a bucket,

and then dunked your head in, you wouldn't drown.

But don't tell the mayor that.

- Dad?

- Oh, hey.

Whatcha doing?

- Errands.

- Errands?

- Well, it's just...

- In Clifton?

Clifton.

You came to give me a ride home, didn't you?

I'll take that as a yes.

What's with all this?

Oh, these are... When it rains, the floor

wells get damp, so I use these to block them.

- Your car smells.

- Sorry.

That's okay.

It's a good thing you're driving,

cuz I've gotten like 8 DUIs.

I'm kidding.

Let's go.

- What's this?

- It's an ice cream sundae.

- Boring.

- You don't want it?

Well, the whole plan is to mix

as many flavors as possible.

Cranberries, yogurt chips,

coconut thingies, caramel.

You gotta spice it up.

- Hey, do you have any gummy worms back here?

- That's disgusting.

- You should be ashamed of yourself.

- I am.

Check out what I got at the gas station.

- I know some people who could use one of these.

- Yeah, me too.

I would've gotten more, but that was the last one.

Don't look now. But there is a woman over there,

who's totally checking you out.

Way not to look. Go help her.

Nah, Betsy can help her.

Hey, Betsy. Can I borrow you for a sec?

- What're you doing?

- My dad will help that customer.

- I have a birds and bees question.

- Okay.

Ken, would you be a dear?

Hi. Ken, right?

- Yeah.

- Stephanie.

Hi, Stephanie.

ls that your daughter?

Ah... Yeah... No... I... Yeah... Yeah.

So we're still waiting on the paternity test then.

Oh, no, no, no. She... she's... she's my daughter.

- She's... Yeah.

- She clearly adores you.

- You think?

- Yes, I do.

I'll tell you what.

I will trade you my number for another scoop

of that surprisingly good banana-zz thing.

Sure.

Throw in 2 dollars and 90 cents,

and you got yourself a deal.

No, seriously.

If the till is low, my boss will tear me apart.

- You like this stuff, huh?

- Sure.

Why would I... order it.

- Fine then. Bye.

- Bye.

So, where ya gonna take her?

What? Nowhere. I'm not gonna call her.

Yeah, great idea. Women would love that.

I'm in no shape to be going on a date.

Well then, you'll just have to get in shape.

I've got homework. You think about where

you gonna take her, and then we'll discuss.

By the way...

Betsy knows a lot about sex.

Sit down.

What? Am I interrupting something?

We're going to have a date.

- A date?

- You need to practice.

Okay, I don't know a whole lot about you.

But I know you're not much of a talker.

That's okay in this situation.

Let her talk. Women love to talk.

You listen.

- Listen.

- Mm-hm.

I could do that.

You should probably ask a question.

Ask a question? So I should talk?

A little. Just a little would help.

Okay.

- No? Nothing?

- Give me a minute.

Okay, I'll go.

- How'd you get this?

- I don't wanna talk about that.

- Polar bear attack, right?

- No.

- Sword fight?

- No.

- Steel cage match?

- Not quite.

Well, whatever. Your scar's cooler than

Harry Potter's. The lightning bolt.

Gay.

I guess my ultimate goal in

basketball is to get a nickname.

- A nickname, huh?

- Uh-huh.

The Iceman, the Admiral, the Mailman.

If you get a nickname, it's like people

care enough to come up with something.

Plus, Amy's kind of... blah.

I see myself more as a... Georgina.

I like Amy.

I had fun today.

- You did?

- Mm-hm.

We should do it again sometime.

Wanna tuck me in?

C'mon, it's easy.

Pollers report show that only 5 to 10 people

die from tucking their daughters in each year.

Who's the 11 year old girl here?

Good... sleep... you.

- You want this open or closed?

- Open.

- This much?

- Yeah, that's good. Thanks.

Don't you f*** this up.

We're gonna get freaky on her Murphy bed.

I will have the vegetable plate, thank you.

I'll have the curry goat, and a side order of ribs.

What was it? Oh, yes.

I've been here about 8 months, maybe.

I just... I needed a change of scenery from

Cincinnati, so...

- Cincinnati?

- Well, London, before that.

I followed a guy back to the States, like a

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes