Some Like It Hot Page #44

The delegates applaud.

BONAPARTE:

(continues)

Of course, like in every business,

we've had our little

misunderstandings. Let us now rise

and observe one minute of silence in

memory of seven of our members from

Chicago -- North Side chapter -- who

are unable to be with us tonight on

account of being rubbed out.

All the delegates rise and bow their heads -- except Spats

and his henchmen.

BONAPARTE:

(continues; sharply)

You too, Spats. Up!

Spats and his boys get up reluctantly, join the others in

silent tribute.

INT. PANTRY - DAY

The inscribed top of the cake has been lifted off to reveal

a hollow interior. Johnny Paradise is climbing inside.

SECOND OFFICIAL:

Easy now. You know when you come

out?

PARADISE:

Yeah. The second time they sing --

(singing)

For he's a jolly good fel-low Which

nobody can deny.

SECOND OFFICIAL:

Okay.

(handing him a

submachine gun)

And don't mess up the cake -- I

promised to bring back a piece to my

kids.

Johnny Paradise squats down inside the cake. The officials

set the lid back in place.

INT. BANQUET ROOM - DAY

The minute of silence is over, and the delegates are seating

themselves. Little Bonaparte remains on his feet.

BONAPARTE:

Now, fellow delegates, there comes a

time in the life of every business

executive when he starts to think

about retirement.

There are ad lib cries of "No! No!" from the delegates.

Little Bonaparte holds up his hand.

BONAPARTE:

(continues)

In looking around for somebody to

fill my shoes, I've been considering

several candidates. For instance,

there is a certain party from Chicago --

South Side Chapter.

He glances in the direction of Spats. Spats' henchmen turn

and look at their boss.

BONAPARTE:

(continues)

Now some people say he's gotten a

little too big for his spats -- but

I say he's a man who'll go far. Some

people say he's gone too far -- but

I say you can't keep a good man down.

Of course, he still has a lot to

learn. That big noise he made on St.

Valentine's Day -- that wasn't very

good for public relations. And letting

those two witnesses get away -- that

sure was careless.

Under the table, Joe and Jerry try to make themselves as

small as possible.

SPATS:

Don't worry about those two guys --

they're as good as dead -- I almost

caught up with them today.

BONAPARTE:

(turning on hearing

aid)

You mean you let them get away twice?

(clicks his tongue)

Some people would say that was real

sloppy -- but I say to err is human,

to forgive divine. And you, Spats --

the boys told me you was having a

birthday -- so we baked you a little

cake.

SPATS:

My birthday? It ain't for another

four months.

BONAPARTE:

So we're a little early. So what's a

few months between friends?

(turning to the others)

All right, boys -- now all together --

(singing)

For he's a jolly good fellow....

The other delegates, including Spats' henchmen, join in the

song. The lights are extinguished, and from the pantry come

the two officials, pushing a cart on which stands the cake,

with candles blazing. They wheel the cake up directly in

front of Spats, who eyes it uneasily. Little Bonaparte,

meanwhile, is conducting the song with relish. As the singers

reach the climactic line, the top of the cake tears open and

out pops Johnny Paradise. Aiming his machine gun at Spats

and his henchmen, he starts blazing away.

Under the table, Joe and Jerry cringe.

Little Bonaparte winces, turns down the volume of his hearing

aid -- he can't stand loud noises.

Spats' four henchmen have slumped across the table. Spats is

clutching his chest.

SPATS:

Big joke!

His eyes close, and he starts to slip out of his chair.

Under the table, Joe and Jerry react as Spats' body comes

sliding toward them, feet first.

JOE:

Let's get out of here.

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