Someone Marry Barry Page #8

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And you didn't say anything.

Wai-

...did you agree with them?

No.

That wasn't very convincing.

Well, maybe there's

a kernel of truth to it, Mel.

What's that mean?

I'm saying

it can't be a coincidence

that the-the first time

I bring you up to the cabin

my friends dump me.

Oh...

So, okay, so it's-

this is all my fault.

Yes, it's your fault, okay?

My life was perfect

before I met you.

It was perfection.

- What?

And now it's a big old

pile of sh*t.

Barry, did you say your life

was perfect before me?

Because I thought you had

no job, and no relationship,

and your friends still wanted

to get rid of you.

Well that worked for me, Mel.

Okay?!

You're a dick.

- Oh, now I'm a dick.

Yes, Barry.

You know, if the dick fits.

Well I think you know

the dick fits.

Please never ever

call me again.

Oh, that's fine.

I'll

neva eva eva call you again.

I'll neva.

I wouldn't dream of it, Mel.

Mel!

F***.

I kinda feel bad for the guy.

Look, it's not

what any of us wanted,

but it had to happen.

Yeah, it did.

Let's face it, our friendship

with Barry has run its course.

It's just time we move on

with our lives,

you know what I mean?

Oh.

Who's that?

It's one of the, uh, agencies

I applied to.

Be right back.

Hello?

They loved my reel

and just won two new accounts.

I start Monday.

Oh my God, baby,

I am so proud of you.

That's awesome.

- I know!

You go ahead.

I'll be up in a bit.

What are you gonna do?

Ah, I'm just gonna jot down

some campaign ideas

before I forget.

I won't be long.

This is kind of

an unusual date.

No, it- it's romantic

and- and fun and, you know,

I couldn't find a sitter, so.

I think he wants

to play baseball.

That's what the mitt's for,

Dad.

Right, but this is something

we all can do together.

And then when he goes to bed,

you can stick around,

we'll have some wine.

I'm gonna go.

- Why?

You need to be with your son

and, honestly,

I'm not ready for this.

Bye, JT.

- Bye.

Sarah, really?

You're seriously leaving?

I guess it's just you and me,

bud.

Cool.

- Yeah, cool.

You wanna just order a pizza?

Yeah.

Desmond, the client

loves the campaign,

so we're a go.

- Awesome!

I'll drop by your office later

and we'll talk about

the production schedule.

Okay.

- Great job, man.

Thank you.

Ah.

Huh.

Oh, and Desmond,

this is just a silly formality,

but because of

our new parent company...

...HR needs you to take

a drug test.

Okay... no problem.

Bend your knees a little.

Elbow up like this.

You stare down that pitcher,

you stare him in the eye.

Oh, hey!

Bases are loaded,

bottom of the ninth,

crowd's on its feet.

Here's the pitch!

Boom!

Deep center!

Let's do that again!

- Do it again. All right.

Okay, everybody who has

a pair of scissors near them

pick them up, all right?

I'd like you to put them

on this finger,

your index finger right here,

and start twirling.

Do it, do it, get your scissors,

come on, all right?

This is the exact wrong way to

handle a pair of scissors, okay?

Don't ever let me catch you

doing this!

Put 'em down. Put 'em down.

Okay, put it on your finger

again. Spin it around.

You fail!

I just said don't do that!

Listen, guys, if you don't

start working harder,

I'm gonna take each and every

one of you individually

to the outhouse and I'm gonna

fart on your face.

Hm?

- Hey.

Baby, wake up.

What time is it?

Three a. m.

What? Is everything okay?

Are you all right?

- No. Mm-hmm.

What's wrong?

- I have cotton mouth.

What?

I need juice.

There's water on the nightstand.

- Juice.

Okay, I'll get you some

from the fridge.

I need the Golden Acres juice.

You know, the one with the

organic farm on the label.

You know, the one that I like.

Uh, okay,

I'll buy some tomorrow.

I need it now.

You- you want me to go

get you some now?

Mm-hmm.

You...

...just to clarify, you want me

to get up

and walk eleven blocks

at three in the morning

to get you specific juice?

Maybe we shouldn't have

gotten back together.

What are you saying?

Don't say that.

Every other boyfriend

woulda done this for me.

All right.

Yeah.

All right, yeah.

I got ya.

I'm getting up.

I am getting up

and I am getting dressed.

Thanks.

And I'm walkin' out the door.

Thanks, sweetie.

To my place.

What?

You know, Barry was right.

You don't deserve me.

Barry's never right.

Barry,

I will admit, he has

a poor batting average,

but he is right

in this instance!

Why are you getting so angry?

Because I am a treasure,

Camille,

and you're a bad pirate.

What?

You're joking, right?

I'll tell you something else.

No one, in their right mind,

unless they're insane,

paints this many pictures

of themselves.

I'm beautiful.

No, you're a madman.

I love me.

Not anymore.

Last thing, 'cause I know

I've been back and forth a bit,

no woman who knows her body,

like you claim to do,

takes an hour and a half

to orgasm.

That's too much work and

I'm down there munching away.

So look at me now, Camille.

Look at me, this is what

a man looks like.

This is what it looks like,

okay?

This is what it looks like

with a man who now has

his dignity back.

Goodbye, Camille.

Now you have to eat

your own stew...

...'cause-

Wow.

It seems like you miss him.

Uh...

...no.

No, I don't, not really.

I just...

...I never met anyone

I felt so connected to

in my entire life.

And, so, it hurts a bit.

Because I thought

he was different.

But he wasn't and that's fine.

There's a new tech guy

at my office.

I could introduce you.

What do ya think?

I think I am not going to

let myself get hurt anymore.

But thanks.

Thank you.

Hey, what's going on?

I thought we were gonna

sleep in.

Yeah, I can't sleep.

My boss wants me to take

a drug test.

I'm gonna lose my job.

Okay.

We'll figure something out.

But you have to

promise something.

What?

What?

Okay, look, um...

You love your job just as much

as I love my job.

Yeah.

But I feel like things were

just starting to get good again

and now we're kind of like

slipping back

into that bad place,

you know what I mean?

I do.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's just make a deal.

You don't work weekends

and we'll both take

our vacation days.

Does that sound good?

Yeah, yeah.

That sounds good.

I love you.

Mmm.

I'm still gonna get fired.

No... 'cause I've got a plan.

Strictly week days, huh?

- Mm-hmm.

We, uh, found some balance.

I dumped Camille.

- Really?

Yeah, I- I think

I can do better.

Wow.

We never liked her.

Not even a bit.

- Barry mentioned that.

She was a straight-up

bizznussneeznashnush.

She offered me a blow job once.

Too soon.

- She offered. I said no.

Rafe, how's dating?

Uh, haven't been.

Without Barry I've been

spending a ton of time with JT.

The kid's great.

He does miss Barry, though.

I mean I don't, at all, no.

The guy was a nightmare.

It's so much easier

without him around.

No more messes to clean up.

No more hassles.

No one to apologize for.

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