Son in Law Page #2

to borrow a real screwdriver...

uh, to open my...

uh, uh, my, uh,

daughter's trunk.

Oh, you have a daughter.

Ha ! ls she hot ?

- What ?

- Don't worry. l'll keep

a special eye on her for ya.

- My name's Crawl.

- Oh, uh-- [ Gasps ]

Ha ! And l'm

the resident advisor.

- Aw, sh*t.

- What ? Hey, wait. Come back.

- Aw, sh*t !

- Don't leave me hangin' !

Ooh !

l'm not gonna have her livin'

across the hall from that, uh,

- that, that thing over there !

- Who ?

- l told you l didn't like

this coed business.

- Calm down, Walter.

Hey ! Oh.

Rebecca, everyone, l'd like you

to meet my girlfriend Lisa.

- Hi.

- [ Warners ] Hi.

Nice to meet you.

l'm really sorry about that.

- Aren't you, Zack ?

- [ Zack ] Speak for yourself.

Well, l'm sure

l'll see you again soon.

- Yeah.

- And l'll see you next weekend.

Oh, Dad. Dad, do you have

your camera handy ? Ohh !

Now you just remember. lf you don't like

this damn place, you can go to State.

She's gonna love it, Walter.

Aren't you, dear ?

- You guys, l'll be fine.

- Stay out of trouble, okay ?

l will as long as you

stay out of my room.

Oh, and give your roommate

a big kiss for me.

- ln the shower.

- Get in the car, Zack.

Let's just get the rules

straight here.

There will be absolutely no partying

in this hall between the hours...

of 5:
00 and 6:00 in the morning

without my expressed written permission.

Okay, cool. Carry on.

l'm a carnivore

and l smell freshman meat, uh !

[ Moaning, Laughing ]

Pappy.

[ Crawl ]

Undiscovered country.

Moving in for the close-up.

Show me love !

And... cut.

You have got charisma !

-What is that ?

-lt's a special quality of leadership...

that captures the popular imagination

and inspires allegiance and devotion.

l mean the thing in your hand.

lt's a tool. lt's for your trunk.

Oh. Thanks.

My name is Crawl and

l'm the R.A. And you're, uh--

- Uh.

- W-W-Wait. Don't tell me. Sally ?

Jessie ? Raphael ?

- Rebecca.

- Oh, Bec-ca. [ Laughs ] l like it.

- So where ya from ?

- Uh, South Dakota.

Fresh off the farm.

Oh, my God, l can't believe it.

Right across the hallway. Hallelujah.

- So you're inbred.

- Excuse me ?

You know, where your mom's your dad

and your dad's your brother.

No, l am not inbred.

Hmm. Prime USDA choice teriya-ki.

l have to go to orientation.

Well, if you need anything, l'll be--

Ooh, hey, charisma.

lt's a special quality of leadership

that captures popular imagination...

and inspires allegiance.

[ Telephone Ringing ]

Damn it, Tracy.

- l said l'd be right there.

- Travis ?

- Rebecca, hi.

- Hi.

Hey, l was just closin' up.

So, how's life in the big city ?

[ Laughs ]

Everything's fine.

l miss you.

Oh, same here. Hey,

it'll be Thanksgiving soon.

- Oh, can't wait.

- Yeah, me either.

So how's everything else goin' ?

Oh, l don't know.

lt's really weird.

- Well, that's California for ya.

- Yeah, l guess.

- l tried to tell ya.

- l know.

[ P.A. System ]

Because of the success of last year's

''Let the Grunions Live'' March,

we're announcing the formation

of the ''Save the Veal'' Committee.

Now you gotta make Mommy and Daddy

proud, right ? They sent you here.

Hmm. Blondie, what's up ?

- Shut up, dick !

- Ow !

- Geez !

- [ P.A. System ] They need our help.

The organizing committee...

will be meeting tonight

at the student union at 7:30.

Tofu scallopini will be served.

- What's up, dick ?

- Aah-aah-aah !

?? [ Heavy Metal ]

'Cause we're gonna have to get

the beer for the beer bong.

- Oh, you frisky little thing.

- Meow !

- [ Grunts ]

- Great costume !

? Do you know where you wanna go ?

? l ain't got time for you now ?

- ? Do ya think that there'll ever be ?

- [ Girl ] Ooh, gross !

? 'Cause all l ever wanted so far ?

Yuck ! No.

- ?? [ Music Continues ]

- Whoa, l'm sorry, little lady.

- Great costume.

- Thanks.

Yeah, yeah, l got it, l got it.

You're a hick washer woman.

[ Laughs ]

Excuse me.

[ lndistinct Chatter ]

[ Basket Bangs ]

Sorry, Becca.

Uh, just sorta happened.

Want a beer ?

Oh, no, thanks.

- Get up. Get up !

- [ Girl ] Uh-oh.

- What ? What ?

- Oh, man.

- Oh, it's her--

- lt's like a little horsey thing.

- [ Carol ] Rebecca, l--

- Forget this.

Sorry about that.

[ Babbling ]

Hey, Bec-ca.

- What's up ?

- l'm leaving.

[ Spanish Accent ] Do you know

of a better party than this ?

No, l'm leaving school.

l'm, l'm going home.

- Uhhhhh, nope !

- What are you doing, Crawl ?

- l'm saving you from a major mistake.

- Crawl, just leave me alone.

Gimme five minutes, all right ?

And if you don't like what l got to say,

then you can make your call.

Just five minutes.

- ?? [ Rap ]

- Right in here.

- Oh, l don't want to go in there.

- [ Lowers Volume ]

Hey, hey, everybody out.

The party is o-ver.

Man, we were just

havin' fun, you know ?

- See ya tomorrow, huh ?

- Clip our wings, why don't ya ?

Yeah, okay, get out.

Goldilocks naked, two doors down.

Bye.

Let me guess.

You miss your mom, dad,

boyfriend... dog.

Basically everything you can think of

back at home, right ?

[ Laughs ]

How do you know that ?

Here. Look at this.

[ Laughs ]

That's you ?

- No.

- Freshman year.

Oh, my God.

You were such a nerd.

- l mean-- l'm sorry.

- That's Fred.

-What happened ?

-Sit down. l'll tell you a little story.

Becca, l tossed the spectacles.

Grew the do, guzzled some brew.

This is college, man.

l mean, look at it. This is supposed

to be the best years of our lives.

- How many years have you been here ?

- Six.

But, hey, it's cool.

l've majored in almost everything.

[ Laughs ]

Okay, um, l don't know...

what l wanna be yet,

but right now l'm havin' fun.

Crawl, l really appreciate

what you're doing,

but, l just--

l don't fit in here.

How do you know ? You're not even

here now. You're still back there.

Why'd you come here

in the first place, Bec ?

- To try something new, right ?

- Yeah.

Well, how can you try anything new

if you haven't even left campus yet ?

Busted.

l know. You're right.

You gotta mingle with the people.

Come on, Bec.

What have you got to lose ?

So the thing is is people here

and the people where you're from--

[ Barking ]

[ Crawl ]

Hey, he's just mingling.

Stop right now. l'll take your picture.

l have to take a picture.

[ French Accent ] You are a fresh

little girl. You will be my kitty.

Hey, come in here.

Come on. lt's okay.

Come on. Now l know this place.

First things first. Wardrobe.

Now you've got your weasel wear.

Crawl, l want her hair.

[ Both Laughing ]

[ Rebecca Groaning ]

[ Whooping ]

l beat you !

- [ Laughing ] Tattoos.

- Kravitz.

- What's up ?

- Come on.

Come on, bud-dy.

[ Needle Buzzing ]

- Ow !

- Oh !

- Does it hurt ?

- lt's better...

than a kick in the face

with a golf shoe.

So, Crawl, what do you think ?

lt's permanent.

- Crawl, l'm mingling.

- lt's up to you.

- [ Man ] Ow-ow. Hey.

- Okay.

So what l want

is something feminine.

He's standing right next to me.

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