Sordid Lives Page #8

Say it, Earl. ""I think I can.''

- I think I can. I think I can.

- That's it.

- Now, let's go. F*** me!

- Oh, I don't think I can!

Yes,you can, Earl.

I can change any man.

Just look at these, Earl.

Just look at 'em.

Ohh. Do you have any Mylanta?

- F*** me, Earl. F*** me now!

- Oh, my God, Dr. Eve!

- You don't have on any panties!

- I know. Now take yours off...

and f*** me, Earl, f*** me.

No, I can't. I can't because

I-I'm about to throw up.

I'd throw up all over you.

I had enchiladas for lunch. Oh!

Oh, sh*t! You are just

one hopeless pathetic freak!

- [ Gags ]

- Sh*t!

Oh, now, come on, boys.

You can do better than that.

Put your arms around each other.

Act like you love one another. Come on.

That's good. That's good.

Yeah. Get in there.

[ Laughing ]

Okay.

G.W., look longingly

into Wardell's eyes...

like you did with that tramp

you cheated on me with.

Hey. That was my mama.

I'm sorry. Do it, G.W.!

- Ohh. Oh, these are good!

- Oh, honey.

[ Giggling ]

They sure are!

Sh*t. Are we done yet?

Almost.Just as soon as you reach over

and kiss Odell on the mouth.

Okay. That's it.

Just shoot me. Go ahead.

Just kill me dead right here and now...

because I'll be damned

if I'm gonna kiss Odell.

Shut up, G.W.,

and take your punishment like a man!

Like a man? Like a man?

That would be

a little hard to do, Wardell,

while wearing a black brassiere!

You made your bed,

so why don't you just by God lay in it?

Maybe she's doing you a favor,

did you ever think of that?

A favor? What the hell

are you talking about? A favor?

What I'm saying is at least she's

getting even right after it happened.

I beat the sh*t out of

my little homo best friend...

sent him packing to the loony bin

for the rest of his life...

and I have been carrying that guilt

for some 20-odd years now.

Wish you had done this sooner,

LaVonda.

Maybe by now my life would be

just a little bit better.

And maybe your life

will be better too...

for wearing that pretty little

lacy black brassiere.

That is all I'm saying.

What can I do, LaVonda? Huh?

What can I do to make it better?

What can I do for you?

Sh*t. What can I do for Brother Boy?

There's gotta be something I can do.

Just please tell me what.

There ain't nothing you can do, Wardell.

Not now.

- I-I'm so sorry. Yeah.

- Yeah?

Well, I just wish Brother Boy knew.

Yeah. Me too.

Well, I think we have

done some good here today.

- [ Giggles ]

- I feel like I've been to church.

Amen. PraiseJesus.

Let me get my pictures.

You feed the jukebox.

- It's time for a little dancin'!

- Aha.

- Dancing?

- These are good.

- Here's a good un.

- You boys are real photogenic.

Okay, G.W. You and Odell dance

and then we'll be gone.

[ singing:
[ Country ]

Son of a b*tch.

- [ Tammy Wynette ]

[ singing:
Sometimes it's hard

- I'll be the man.

- ] To be a woman

- Lookin' like that?

- ] Givin'all your love

- You know...

- ] Tojust one man

- he never took me dancing.

Not once.

- And that hurts.

- Men!

Okay, Wardell.

Ask Odell if you can cut in.

Go ahead on. It'll ease that guilt.

All right.

And I'll gladly do it.

- Odell. Can I cut in?

- Yeah?

- Sure thing.

- Oh, sh*t.

[ singing:
But if you love him

I had to do it, Wardell.

- For Brother Boy.

- I'm glad you did.

- I feel better now.

- Oh, for sh*t's sake.

- Hey, Louise.!

- Yeah, Thelma?

[ Both Laughing ]

Hey, let's go on over to Tiny's Liquors

and stick him up.

- He short-changed me last week.

- Why that son of a b*tch.

- Let's go.

- No! Wait! Girls!

I'll drive the getaway car.

- [ Exhales Deeply ]

- Y'all are drunk.

Well, come on, honey.!

Get on out there. Can you drive a stick?

- You better believe it!

- [ Cackles ]

There's Bitsy.!

[ Laughs ]

- Damn.

- Oh, hey.

Oh, sh*t.

I ain't saying a word.

[ Car Starts ]

To each his own, Odell.

- [ Tires Squealing ]

- [ Laughing ]

I'm never gonna get out of here, am I?

Shut up.! Damn sob sister.

They're never gonna let me outta here.

I can't pass any of your tests.

If you can't be homosexual as me,

they're never gonna let me out of here.

[ Exhales Deeply ]

Nope. You're stuck.

Stuck here forever.

[ Chuckling ]

Mm.Just like me.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughs ]

Stuck here forever.

Like a monkey in a zoo.

[ Laughing ]

- [ Laughing Continues ]

- I really don't see anything funny,

Dr. Eve.

[ Continues Laughing ]

Oh, well, I do.

[ Laughing Subsides ]

Oh.

I almost forgot. Your mama died.

- What?

- [ Snickering ]

What?

Your mama died.

[ Snickers ]

My mama's dead?

As a goddamn doornail.

[ Gulps, Snickers ]

[ Laughing ]

Oh, my God.

My mama's dead.

Hmph. Well, I quit crying.

I'm not even crying.

When Tammy Wynette died,

I sobbed like a baby for days

and days...

but my mama's dead, I'm not even sad.

Why, Dr. Eve? Why?

- Beats the hell outta me.

- Ohh.

- [ Timer Rings ]

- Okay. Session's over.

What?

[ Huffs ]

You drop a bombshell on me,

you tell me that my mama's dead,

then just say, ""Session's over''?

Hey. I'm beat, okay?

You think this is easy? Now get

your little monkey ass outta here.

And next time, please, make more of an

effort with my masturbation exercises.

- Yes, ma'am.

- And show up with no wig and no makeup.

- It is time you start--

- Participating in your own recovery.

Because I am at my rope's end

with you, Earl. I'm fed up!

- Do you understand?

- Yes, ma'am.

I'm, uh--

I'm sorry. I-I'm so sorry.

[ Sniffles ]

Uh, I'm gonna do my best.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no.

What did you say?

I said, ""No.''

I'm not gonna do it,

'cause I don't understand--

I-- [ Huffs ]

I'm not gonna show up wigless.

I'm not gonna show up

without my face on.

And I sure as hell am not gonna do them

stupid masturbation exercises...

if I can't at least masturbate

and fantasize about a woman

that's manly!

You will if I say you will!

No! I won't!

And you can't make me.

I'm not doing nothing else you say,

Dr. Eve.

Do you hear me? Nothing.

If I am stuck in this shithole

for the rest of my life...

then I am not participating

in my own recovery.

And you can't make me.

And you wanna know my opinion?

I think you're nothing

but a flat-out evil, bitter...

mean, old, alcoholic sex fiend...

who needs a lifetime of therapy herself!.

I'm in therapy, you little f*ggot!

Well, it ain't a-workin'!

Now, if you'll please excuse me...

I got a show to do!

[ singing:
] [ Country ]

[ singing:
Now, when the Lord ]

[ singing:
Dips us in the gene pool ]

[ singing:
We get more ]

[ singing:
Than Granny's green eyes ]

[ singing:
We get Mama's warmth

and our daddy's cool ]

[ singing:
And that thing between our thighs ]

[ singing:
That's the start of all this trouble ]

[ singing:
In our sordid lives ]

- ] Ain't it a b*tch ]

- B*tch!

[ singing:
Sortin' out our sordid lives ]

- ] It's a b*tch ]

- B*tch!

[ singing:
When you come to realize ]

[ singing:
Crack yourself

a box of CrackerJack ]

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes