Soul Plane Page #4

and I wanna talk to you.

Can I at least talk to you?

Giselle, where you gonna go? | The door is closed.

What's this?

Someone stepped up, | Nashawn.

I'm engaged.

Hey, baby. It's not | a good time right now.

There's no easy way | for me...

for me to say this...

What?

This isn't workin' for me | anymore.

What's not workin'?

- This is gettin' way too serious. | - What are you talkin' about?

I can't do this anymore.

- I can't. | - No.

You got change of a 50, man?

- Not right now, Muggs. | - Not now?

What's his problem, man?

Oh, boy.

Hey, hey, there, Blanca.

I was wondering if I could | trouble you for a drink.

Ain't no drink down there.

Hell there ain't.

I don't know if I ever | told you this,

but I speak a little Espaol.

Really?

Testicles, one, two.

Hey, y'all, what's crackalackin'?

This is your soul plane chauffeur, | Captain Antoine Mack speaking.

He sounds nice.

Welcome aboard NWA

flight 069 from the 310 | to the 212.

It's time | to bust this corner, y'all.

In a hot second,

I'll be hittin' them switches

and gettin' this b*tch | pumpin' and jumpin'.

What?!

So screw your sh*t on tight | and enjoy the flight.

What did he say?

He was just saying that we'll be | leaving in a couple of seconds,

so put your seatbelt on, | make sure they're tight.

Amateurs.

- Why didn't he say so? | - Exactly.

Yo, Gaeman, why don't you | go secure the cockpit, homey?

Yes. Right away.

This motherf***er is locked.

Fred G. Sanford, my nigga.

And the "G" is for | goin' places. Can you dig it?

Now we ready to roll.

Nigga got switches | in this motherf***er.

Sh*t. And they work.

What?

This motherf***er hot, cuz.

- Oh, my God! | - Bounce with me.

This motherf***er's f***ed up.

- Like a elephant. | - Yeah.

Bounce, bounce.

I have the perfect music | for this.

Yes, I have it right here.

Hey, man, hold on, man.

- Hold the f*** on. | - Like elephant.

No, man, you gotta | turn that bullshit off.

We can't be ridin' | to that bullshit, man.

Don't insult my music.

We ridin' to some gangsta sh*t. | Pop that in, man.

Captain don't wanna hear | that Zimbabwe ah-wah-wah sh*t.

Get that sh*t out. | Get it the f*** outta here.

I'm the captain | of this motherfuckin' ship.

Captain, what the hell | is wrong with you?

Man, I'm afraid of heights.

Afraid of heights?!

Hit her with a bat, | hit her with a bat

Hit her with a whoo-whoo

- Easy, Kobe. She's 17. | - Dad, I'm 18.

Honey, I'm gonna | excuse myself

- and go to the restroom. | - Okay.

I think I'm gonna go | check out the plane.

Is that all right?

- Why are you so nice to me? | - Stay for a while.

Oh, my sweet black Jesus!

Hey, good evenin'.

I didn't know | anybody was in here.

- I'll come back later. | - Why? I'm still gonna be here.

I tell you what.

You take care of your business, | I take care of mine.

I just don't feel comfortable, | I'll just hold it.

You don't want to do that.

That stuff back up on you, | top of your head fly clean off.

Sit down, | make yourself at home.

I'm sorry.

We don't get that many of y'all | on the plane.

For those with no junk | in their trunk.

That is a nice vest.

I ain't seen one of them | since Lionel and the Jeffersons.

What ever happened to Lionel? | I thought he was--

Would you mind?

Oh, I'm sorry. | Little fella kinda shy?

Goddamn!

Sorry.

I guess you can't have lightnin' | without the thunder.

Somebody still likes | that pork, I see.

I think this was a false alarm. | I'm gonna go back to my seat.

The paint is peeling.

That must be a big one.

Yeah, it's big.

I've got just the thing.

I can't believe that | this is you.

So you subscribe to | "Black & Proud"?

This is the first time | I've picked it up.

Yeah, it was freezin' | that day.

Really? You could never tell that | from the picture.

Why, thank you.

Usually, the problem is, I'm hangin' | out the bottom of my boxers.

Oh, my goodness.

Hi.

I think you're in my seat.

Oh, hi, honey. | This is Jerome.

Hi.

Hello.

Jerome was telling me about how he | hangs out the bottom of his boxers.

That's nice.

They're about to serve dinner,

so you might want | to go back to your chair.

Oh, yeah. You're right.

Yeah.

It was nice meetin' you.

It was nice meeting you, too, Barbara.

Nice meeting you, too, Jerome.

Bye.

Hangin' out | the bottom of his boxers--

My God, is that him?!

- That thing has a face on it, | - No, but it's gonna.

Are you all right, sir?

Course, I'm all right, | I'm a G, ain't I?

I will make the announcement.

No, you won't. | Give me this motherf***er.

I'm makin' the announcement. | I'm the captain.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have | reached our cruising altitude

of 33,000 feet,

33,000 feet?!

Oh, sh*t, man. We f***in' higher | than Redman at the Source awards.

Sh*t don't make | no motherfuckin' sense

to be this high, cuz.

Man, I feel sick. Oh, f***.

Ain't this some sh*t?

What the hell's goin' on here?

This nigga's afraid of heights.

How you gonna be afraid | of heights if you the captain?

I ain't never | been off the ground before.

We've flown computer | simulators.

You told me you got your wings | when you got out the Air Force.

No, I didn't.

I told you I got my wings | when I got out.

When I got out of Pelican Bay | State Corrections Facility.

It was either get a GED | or take a pilot class.

You learned how to fly | in the prison?

Hey, man, don't get mad | 'cause I spent your money

to get a good education.

Sh*t, me and my homeboys | passed the class with flying colors.

Let me see.

- I miss them niggas, man. | - Those are his niggas.

The Taliban.

I'm gonna tell you what.

Y'all better fix it. | Gay-man, Captain Mack--

It's Gaeman!

I don't give a damn. | Fix it.

I'm no b*tch, you understand? | It's Gaeman.

You gonna be a gay man. | Fix it.

Put this sh*t on autopilot.

I'm goin' to the lavatory. | I got to boo-boo.

- What ya doin'? | - I'm countin' my tips.

- Tips from where? | - Back there,

...low class motherf***er.

Hey, nigga! Oh, boss man.

Hey, man, you mind | if I get in here?

Come on.

Hold on. Got a new shooter.

- One shot, baby, you in? | - No.

Nigga, is ya in? What?

- You said I could run business class, right? | - Yeah, I did.

So I'm runnin' this motherf***er | like Vegas on fight night.

We got a cockfight | we settin' up in ten minutes.

Cockfight?! I'm in.

No. Let me tell you over here.

I don't even want | everybody in my business.

Hold me down.

- What's up, cuz? | - You know what?

I'm not even gonna make | a scene in here.

I'm goin' back | to the front of the plane.

When I get back here, | I want this to be business class.

- Okay. You got it, man. | - You can do that for me?

My man. Thank you, Muggs.

Would you like | champagne or wine?

We'll have champagne.

Would you like Moet or Cristal?

Motit...et. Moet.

All right.

I know you have a drinking problem, | so please drink slow.

That's for you. And sir, | please don't swallow your ice.

That's all I can afford | to give you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes