South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut Page #5

Kyle, what are you doing here?

You are grounded.

Get back to the house

and stay there!

You too, Stanley.

You're going too far.

You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.

We must fight for

our children's futures!

- You started a war. You have to stop it.

- To make them safe again!

Our children are precious.

We must make a stand now!

Stop at nothing!

I told you she wouldn't listen.

We'll have to save

Terrance and Phillip ourselves.

- What?

- Think about it.

What would Brian Boitano do?

He'd rescue Terrance and Phillip

before they're executed.

We can't do anything.

Our moms' organization is too strong.

We'll round up all the grounded kids

and start our own organization.

An organization to help save

Terrance and Phillip.

Yeah, our own secret club.

- I guess that could work.

- We have to try.

SINGING:
What would Brian Boitano do

If he was here right now

He'd make a plan and follow through

That's what Brian Boitano 'd do

When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics

Skating for the gold

He did two salchows and a triple lutz

While wearing a blindfold

When Brian Boitano was in the Alps

Fighting grizzly bears

He used his magical fire breath

And saved the maidens fair

So what would Brian Boitano do

If he were here today

I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two

That's what Brian Boitano 'd do

I want this V-chip out of me

It has stunted my vocabulary

And I just want my mom

To stop fighting everyone

For Wendy, I'll be an activist

That's what Brian Boitano 'd do

That's what Brian Boitano 'd do

He'd call the kids in town

And tell them to unite for truth

That's what Brian Boitano 'd do

Someone say my name?

- Who are you?

- I'm Brian Dennehy.

What? No, not f***ing Brian Dennehy!

Get the f*** out of here.

When Brian Boitano traveled through time

To the year 3010

He fought the evil robot king

To save the human race again

When he built the pyramids

He beat up Kublai Khan

Because Brian Boitano

Doesn 't take sh*t from anybody

So let's all stick together

And unite to stop our moms

We'll save Terrance and Phillip too

That's what Brian Boitano 'd do

We'll save Terrance and Phillip too

That's what Brian Boitano 'd do

That's what Brian Boitano 'd do

SADDAM:

Hey, relax, guy.

SATAN:

There's nothing on.

You get cranky when you're tired.

I'm not cranky.

What started as a spat between the U. S.

And Canada is turning into WWIII.

World War III?!

Terrance and Phillip will be put

to death for crimes...

It has come to be.

The Four Horsemen are drawing nigh.

The time of prophecy is upon us.

I love when you get biblical.

You know exactly how to turn my crank.

No, I'm being serious.

It is the seventh sign.

What?

SATAN:

Behold...

...the first signs of my reign

have all come true:

The fall of an empire,

the coming of a comet...

...and now, when the blood of

these Canadians touches American soil...

...it will be our time to rise.

Yeah, man, I'm getting so hot!

Let's f***!

Do you always think about sex?

I'm talking about important stuff here.

I'm just excited about taking over

the world! Come on!

Is sex the only thing

that matters to you?

I love you.

I want to believe that.

What do you say we shut off

that light and get close?

SATAN:
Ow.

SADDAM:
You like that, don't you, b*tch?

We can use my dad's computer to call

the kids together.

Before we put a message out,

do a search on "clitoris."

Okay.

"Found:
Eight million pages

with the word 'clitoris.'"

I'll just try the first one.

"You must be 18 to enter this website."

"Welcome to German Sick Fetish Video.

If you are under 18, do not..."

Well, okay.

(MALE VOICE IN GERMAN ON COMPUTER)

It's a lady getting pooed on!

- Is it Cartman's mom?

- Very funny.

It is Cartman's mom!

Son of a bit...!

Ike, you're too young for this stuff.

Bullshitah.

What's she doing now?

Okey-dokey.

(FARTING NOISE)

Click it off, dude!

What's wrong with German people?

Let's do what we came here to do

and put a message out.

I've gotta put out

an all-access e-mail.

- Goddamn, your mom sucks!

- Get to the message board!

Can't find a Canadian server.

I'll break into the mainframe.

They've got an access code!

I'll try to re-route the encryptions.

Here we go. "Want to help

Terrance and Phillip?

Sneak out after you get tucked into bed

tonight and meet at Carl's warehouse."

- Tell them we'll have punch and pie.

- We're not.

More people will come if they think

we have punch and pie!

"Punch and pie.

This is top-secret.

The password is..."

"La Rsistance."

NEWSCASTER ON RADIO:

So the draft will begin tomorrow...

...as more troops are needed

to invade the Canadian border.

The Canadian government pleads

for a peaceful resolution...

...but we're not listening.

Good night, hon.

Mom, when will the war be over?

I don't know, hon. Soon, we hope.

You want it to end quickly, huh?

- Mom?

- Yes, hon?

If you were in a German scheie video,

you'd tell me, right?

Sure, hon. Good night.

There's a ghost!

(MUMBLES)

Kenny, is that you?

(MUMBLES)

Satan? Satan is coming here?

Saddam Hussein?

That doesn't make sense!

Eric, what is it?

I saw him! I saw Kenny!

You poor dear.

You've been through so much.

I bet him he couldn't light a fart

on fire, and now he's pissed off.

I can't say "pissed off"?

The execution of Terrance and Phillip

is imminent.

Soon, Saddam and I will rule the world.

I got some new luggage

for our trip up to Earth.

Let's f*** to celebrate!

What's it like up on Earth?

Tell me about it again.

Let's not talk. Let's get busy.

Remember when you first got here?

We used to talk all night,

until the sun came up.

We would just lie in bed and talk.

Because I was waiting to

get you in bed.

How come you always want to make love

to me from behind?

Is it because you want to pretend

I'm somebody else?

Satan, your ass is gigantic and red.

Who am I gonna pretend you are?

Liza Minnelli?

Don't get all pissy!

SINGING:

Sometimes I think

When I look up real high

That there's such a big world up there

I'd like to give it a try

But then I sink

'Cause it's here I'm supposed to stay

But I get so lonely down here

Tell me, why's it have to be that way?

Up there, there is so much room

Where babies burp and flowers bloom

Everyone dreams, I can dream too

Up there

Up where the skies are ocean blue

I could be safe and live without a care

Up there

They say I don 't belong

I must stay below alone

Because of my beliefs

I'm supposed to stay where evil is sown

But what is evil anyway

Is there reason to the rhyme

Without evil there could be no good

So it must be good to be evil sometimes

Up there, there is so much room

Where babies burp and flowers bloom

Everyone dreams, I can dream too

Up there

Up where the skies are ocean blue

I could be safe and live without a care

Live without a care

If only I could live up there

I want to live, I want to live up

I want to live up there

- You're late!

- I had to ride my bike here.

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