South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut Page #8

I'm super

No, nothing bugs me

Don 't you think I look cute in this hat

These pants

This matching tie I got at Merv's

CHORUS:
In the barracks

And the trenches as well

- Stick 'em up!

- Big Gay Al says you have to tell

Yes, he's super

And he's proud to be gay

Everything is super

When you're gay

When you're gay

Again! Again!

Who's there?

(KENNY MUMBLES)

Son of a gun! Heck!

They're coming?

But our moms won't listen to us.

AL:
Okay, everybody, just want to

thank our wonderful sponsors...

He's almost got them.

We're here to rescue you.

Follow me through the tunnel.

You guys! Seriously.

I saw Kenny again.

Did you shut the alarm off?

- Cartman?

- Whoops.

Oh, sh*t!

(MAKING ANIMAL NOISES)

Hear that?

Sounds like a dying giraffe.

Sh*t!

- A spy!

- Get him!

Sh*t! Sh*t!

Oh, no!

Come on, Mole!

MOLE:
Sh*t! Sh*t!

F***ing guard dogs! Sh*t!

The alarms went off.

That was my bad. Sorry.

Hold me. It's so very cold.

There is no hope. Get out.

- We can't leave without you.

- It's okay.

No, we can't.

We don't know where we are!

Where's your God

when you need him?

Where is your beautiful,

merciful f*ggot now?

Here I come, God.

Here I come, you f***ing rat.

SINGING:

Now the light she fades

And darkness settles in

But I will find strength

- No, Mole, hang on.

- I will find pride within

- We'll get you home.

- Because although I die

- I can't face my mother.

- Our freedom will be won

Not alone.

Though I die

La Rsistance lives...

...on

Sh*t!

AL:
Okay, here it is. The moment we've

all been awaiting: The execution!

The day is ours!

We have to tell them about

Saddam Hussein and Satan.

- No. My mom can't see me here.

- You have to stand up to your mother.

Gentlemen, do you have

any last words?

Last words? How's aboot,

"Get me the f*** out of this chair!"

How's that?

All right, anonymous, ready the switch.

STAN:

Wait!

- Stanley!

- Eric!

Kyle!

Go on, dude, tell her.

- I can't.

- You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.

If they die, Satan and Saddam Hussein

will take over the world.

(LAUGHING)

Throw the switch, Mr. Garrison.

I'm supposed to be anonymous.

Goodbye, bastards!

No!

The Canadians are attacking!

Run for your lives!

We have to shut off the power!

F***!

Some little fat kid saved us!

Wait! We have to get you

to the rendezvous point.

Ned, behind you!

CLITORIS:

Be not afraid.

Oh, my God!

Behold my glory.

What are you?

I am the clitoris.

The clitoris?

I found the clitoris!

Stan, you must not let Terrance and

Phillip's blood spill on the ground.

Tell me how to get Wendy to like me.

There are more important matters

right now.

I looked all over for you.

Tell me how to get Wendy to like me.

Dude, just have confidence in yourself.

Believe in yourself and others

will believe in you.

Chicks love confidence.

Now go. Hurry!

The clitoris has spoken.

WEND Y:

Stan, are you okay?

I see you failed. I should not

have sent a boy to do a man's job.

Come on!

We've got precious little time!

Die, Canadian, m'kay?

Did you hear that?

I farted.

You did? Just now?

KYLE:
Terrance and Phillip!

CARTMAN:
Get to the rendezvous point!

CARTMAN:

It's Mr. Garrison.

Children, take Mr. Hat.

Please get him out of here.

Holy sh*t!

This V-chip is getting all screwy.

Take cover in the trench!

Human Shield up front, then

Operation Get-Behind-the-Darkies.

Remember, Human Shield,

protect our tanks and planes too.

Holy mother of Jehoshaphat!

Fire on my command.

All right, squad, just like I told you.

One... two...

Do some people gonna die?

- Fire!

...three!

What in the...

Great plan, Chef.

Operation Human Shield, my ass!

My God, this is terrible.

This is what we wanted!

We wanted our children to be

brought up in a smut-free environment!

STAN'S MOM:

But we didn't want this.

Where are you going?

We're going to find our boys.

For God's sake, Sheila, we're

going to get them killed!

All those times I said

you were a big dumb Jew?

I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.

Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Cartman!

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Why am I still holding this?

MR. GARRISON:

Mr. Hat! No!

KYLE:
F*** this. I'm getting out

before I get in trouble.

I heard that.

I found the clitoris.

Now I can get Wendy to like me again.

Swell, Stan.

I guess all's well that ends well.

We can go home now. Dipshit.

What's wrong?

We can't let Terrance and Phillip die,

or the whole world will end.

Terrance, look!

There they are!

Phillip, we're done for!

All right, men! Fire!

Goodbye, Terrance.

What is this?

Don't shoot!

I'll take care of this.

Kids, get out of the way now!

Kyle!

I'm not going to let you kill them, Mom!

What, what, what?

I'm not moving!

Stand down. You can still see

fart jokes on Nickelodeon.

No! This is about

more than fart jokes!

This is about freedom of speech,

about censorship...

...and stuff.

What about Ike? Did you forget

your adopted son is Canadian?

I'm doing very important things.

But you never took the time

to talk to me.

Whenever I get in trouble,

you blame everybody else.

But I'm the one to blame.

Deal with me.

You keep fighting all these causes.

But I don't want a fighter.

I want my mom.

Poor little fella!

No!

Holy sh*t, dude!

Young man, you watch your mouth!

My time has come!

You are really f***ed now!

It's Saddam Hussein! Shoot him!

What a dumb ass!

You have spilled

the blood of the innocent.

Now begins two million

years of darkness.

Good job, Ms. Broflovski.

Thanks a lot.

I was trying to make the world

a better place for children.

And you brought enough intolerance

to allow my coming.

Now, everyone bow down to me!

SADDAM:

Bend over!

What have we done?

Saddam, I'm the dark ruler, not you.

Relax.

Better seen, not heard.

(KENNY MUMBLES)

I can't.

Let's start by building

a big statue of me!

There, where that fat kid is standing.

Don't call me fat, buttfucker!

Yeah, Cartman, do it.

Damn! Sh*t!

Respect my f***ing authority!

You need to watch your mouth, brat!

Dogshit taco!

Quick, do something.

Try this on for size.

Blood-drenched,

frozen tampon popsicle!

Buddy, I know I was mean before.

But don't worry, I can change.

Okay.

Not!

F***, sh*t, cock, ass,

titties, boner...

...b*tch, muff, p*ssy, c*nt,

butthole, Barbra Streisand!

What are you waiting for, b*tch?

Destroy him!

You weak, stupid cum bucket.

Save me!

That's it!

I have had enough of you!

He spent so much time convincing me

I was weak and stupid...

...that I believed it myself.

I have you to thank, little one.

You showed me that I had

to get away from him.

Just make any wish you want

and I shall grant it.

(KENNY MUMBLES)

- Are you sure?

- What did he say?

His wish is for everything to go back

to the way it was before this war.

Kenny, you realize that means

you'd go back too.

KENNY:

I know.

(KENNY MUMBLES)

Very well, then.

I will pull my minions back.

I guess I'm destined

to live in hell alone.

Hello.

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