South Park: Imaginationland Page #2

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There there, darling.

Dude...

Ladies and gentlemen,

I have dire news.

Yesterday,

at approximately 18:00 hours,

terrorists successfully attacked...

our imagination.

- Our imagination?

- How?

The imaginary attack appears

to have been in the works for years.

The effects of the attack are so far...

unimaginable.

What do the terrorists

want with our imagination?

We can't imagine.

We've intercepted this videotape

the terrorists made for broadcast.

Luckily we've kept it from

being broadcast to the public.

No! It's just a Care Bear!

Oh my God.

Later in the video we can

see another imaginary hostage;

this one reading a forced statement.

Praise to the mighty Allah.

His divine grace and will

have brought forth this day.

Oh jeez!

Uh, now see,

your safety is at our whim.

This is the price you pay, America!

You have defiled Allah,

and now we will shall turn

your imagination against you!

Death to the Infidels!

Can I go now?

Stan! Kyle!

Can you get me out of here?

Gentlemen, the terrorists appear to have

complete control of our imagination.

It's only a matter of time before...

our imaginations start running wild.

I believe a serious blow

to democracy has just been dealt.

A travesty has occurred,

and I want justice!

Kyle Broflovski did

willingly and knowingly

sign a contract,

and yet, as to date,

he has made no effort, nor does he show

any intention, of ever sucking my balls!

I've given him ample time to fulfill

his obligation, and he has thus refused.

I stand before you with dry balls,

Your Honor.

I've provided witnesses,

collected testimonials,

and still, my balls remain dry.

I want what I'm entitled to!

Mr. Broflovski,

did you agree to orally imbibe

Mr. Cartman's scrotum and testicles?

I...

Is this not your signature

on the contract?

But...

Come on! Really?

I mean, aren't there more

important things going on right now?

From what I've been presented

and the evidence put forth,

the court has no choice

but to order you

to place Mr. Cartman's

pubicle sac in your mouth,

and draw upon it succulently

for no less than 30 seconds.

Yes!

You have twenty four hours

to suck aforementioned balls.

If after that time you still refuse,

the court will be forced to

arrest you for contempt. Next case!

Thank you Your Honor.

This isn't a victory for me, this is

a victory for the justice system.

And my balls.

What I am about to tell

you is highly classified.

Two days ago, Muslim terrorists

hijacked our imagination.

Frankly we don't know what

their next move is or how to stop them.

In times like these the government

often turns to Hollywood for help.

You creative filmmakers

can think of idea we just can't.

That's why we've asked you here,

M. Night Shyal-amalam.

The Sixth Sense, Signs,

The Village, all very clever films.

But can you use your amazing idea brain

now to help us stop the terrorists?

What if...

What if it turns out

they aren't terrorists?

But they're actually werewolves?

From the future?

No. No, they're terrorists.

They've been linked to Al Qaeda.

But what if Al Qaeda, it turns out,

is the group being terrorized?

By aliens?

No- No. That's not an idea,

that's a twist.

We need ideas.

How about we make everyone

think that terrorists attacked us?

But really,

we were all already dead.

Get him out of here.

Mr. Bay, can you think of any

idea how to outwit these terrorists?

I believe I can.

We start...

by making a big CG building

and then we have

a meteor go CROSSHH!

And it, and it's all like CRAAWWWLL!

and motorcycles burst into flame while

they jump over these helicopters, right?

No no!

We need ideas how

to stop the terrorists!

An eighteen-wheeler spins out

of control and it's all like BROSSHH!

And then this huge

tanker full of dyna- CROSSHH!

Those aren't ideas,

those are special effects!

I... don't understand

the difference.

I know you don't.

Get him out of here!

And being that we are

all big Mel Gibson film fans,

we thought maybe you could help us.

Ah, my nipples, they hurt!

They hurt when I twist them!

Yes, uh,

I don't suppose you

have any creative ideas

how to fight these terrorists?

How about this?

You have that videotape

that the terrorists made, right?

Well maybe if you did a background

check on that videotape,

you might find somebody

who doesn't belong.

Somebody who doesn't

fit Imaginationland. Oh!

Hey... that's not a bad idea.

Yeah. Say what you

want about Mel Gibson,

but the sonofabitch

knows story structure.

Get the videotape and do a

background check on everyone in it!

Oogh! Yes!

All the imaginary characters

in the tape were identified, sir.

Count Chocula, Cinderella,

Snarf from Thundercats...

But here.

Nothing in American folklore

or storytelling match this kid.

He appears to be... just some kid.

Stan! Kyle!

Could you get me out of here?

I want digital imaging

and resource magnification done stat!

If that kid isn't imaginary

I want to know who he is,

where he's from,

and who his friends are!

Yes sir!

Who are you?...

Uh, excuse me?

Uh Mr. Terrorist, sir?

Uh, I'm actually not imaginary,

and my parents are gonna

ground me if I don't get back-

Okay, sorry. Sorry.

Can you tell

what the terrorists are doing?

They're going something

to Rockety Rocket.

No! Leave me alone! Ha!

It doesn't make sense.

What do they want with Rockety?

The only reason they would-

Oh my God.

They're gonna blow up the Barrier!

- What's the Barrier?

- The wall!

The wall which separates the evil side

of Imaginationland from the good side!

No! No you can't

blow up the barrier!

Are you insane?

- We can't let this happen.

- It will be the end of Imaginationland.

Yeah. You have to stop them, kid.

Me? What am I supposed to do?

Don't you get it?

If the terrorists blow that barrier,

all the most evil things ever

imagined are gonna pour out

and take over

Imaginationland for good!

You have to do something!

Thanks for coming, everyone.

The big moment is finally here,

just as soon as Kyle arrives.

He's not gonna show up

to suck your balls dude.

He has to.

He's been ordered by the court.

Eric, I'm a little concerned about your

obsession to have Kyle suck your balls.

It just seems a little fa... faggy.

Faggy? What? You think I want Kyle

to suck my balls for physical pleasure?

This is about humiliation, people!

This is about Kyle finally

having to admit he was wrong!

He was wrong, and so now

he has to kneel before the king

and kiss his ring.

Except the ring is my balls.

Hey, he's here.

What? Move aside, move aside!

- Dude, do you really have to do it?

- Let's just get this over with!

Yes, come on in, peasant Kyle,

and pay homage to this sultan's balls.

God damnit!

Yes. Yes!

That's them, sir.

Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski.

You boys need to come with us

on a matter of national security.

Who are you?

There's no time!

You need to come with us right now!

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