Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back Page #5

and they need you.

I understand.

You have to go.

- And I'm coming with you.

- You'd do that?

Leave planet Malgor, your home?

For me?

Actually, now that you mention it...

I almost crashed getting over here.

I could really use a copilot.

- Great.

- Wait. No. No.

What am I thinking? I can't let you come.

This mission will be dangerous.

If the hypertunnel doesn't kill us

and we don't crash...

we'll still have to face Zartog.

- Am I your friend?

- Yes.

And you're the best friend I've ever had.

- Friends don't let friends down.

- Oh.

[Warbling]

[Laughs]

Let's go.

[Snuffles]

[Kilowatt Panting]

Better strap in. It's gonna get bumpy.

- Aye, aye, Captain.

- Man, I am sure glad you're here.

It was almost lmposslble

trying to fly the shlp on my own.

Those are for the thrust,

and those are for the wing flaps.

They go up and down.

I'll tell you how much and when.

Thrust and flaps. Right-o.

Computer, initiate launch procedure.

[Computer]

Initiating launch procedure.

- Let's light this candle.

- Lighting candle.

[Kilowatt Yelping]

- [All Shouting] Bye! Good-bye!

- [Sighs]

[Kilowatt]

Good-bye, Malgor. I'll miss you.

[Computer]

Return to Earth Inltiated.

[All Panting]

[With Australian Accent]

As you can see...

I'm sneaking down the hallway

to Mission Control, where Zartog's taken over.

Why are you talking

with an Australian accent?

[With Accent]

Accent? What accent?

[Normal Voice]

Oh, I thought it sounded more dramatic.

I'm live blogging

for the Discovery Channel.

Ah, never mind. What's the plan?

Shouldn't the commander

technically come up with the plan?

The commander who let Zartog take over?

Yes, but if I hadn't

let Zartog take over...

then we wouldn't need

the aforementioned plan...

so I was responsible

for creating the demand for a plan.

That, combined with my seniority

and my chiseled heroic looks...

means that I am in charge,

so I get to make the plan.

Okay. So, what's your plan?

Right. [Quietly]

Right, right, right. Right.

Well, I just did

one million ab crunches...

so, uh, time for a nap now.

[Yawns]

[Snoring]

Anyone else have a plan?

Patience, Luna,

whose name rhymes with "tuna."

We wake up Commander Coma,

we sneak in...

I do a little distracting,

and then you guys jump him.

Oh. So, you're gonna do tricks,

and we're supposed to jump him?

- That's your plan?

- Chillax.

Don't be hatin' on my plan.

I'm also gonna pick the lock

and get us into Mission Control.

Da-da-da. Let's see.

Houston's banana closet.

The lock on the new ice-cream sundae bar.

The senator's limo.

Ooh, Luna's locker room.

- [Sighs]

- Kidding. Kidding.

Got you for a second though.

Ha. Here it is. Mission Control.

I thought I was out of fingers.

[Sighs]

[Beeps]

Or one could do it that way.

Hang on, Kilowatt.

- [Thunder Rumbling]

- What's happening?

We're just going through a little rift

in space and time is all.

Well, that makes sense.

[Shrieking]

K.W., you gotta turn off the high beams.

I can't see to pilot.

Control your fear. Control your fear.

Control your fear. Control your fear.

[With Australian Accent] Now I'm sneaking

into Mission Control on my belly...

like a wild croc hunting his prey.

[Snarling]

- Would you shut it!

- [Snores]

[Grunting]

- Titan, stay awake.

- Oh!

This is your last chance.

Quit pretending you don't understand me...

and tell me where I can find Ham.

[Gibberish]

The more it tries to communicate,

the less I understand it.

- But I do find its ugliness

becoming strangely adorable.

- Huh?

Hmm.

Maybe we should try Spanish.

Dnde est "la"cuarto de bao?

[Shouting Gibberish]

In Hindi, we say-

[Speaking Hindi]

[Speaking African Xhosa Language]

No, no, no!

Take me...

to your leader, Ham...

and the other space chimps.

Take me to the one you call Ham!

[Gibberish]

[Zartog]

Where is Ham?

- The little ugly one?

- Huh?

With the dumb look on his face?

The crossed eyes? The big ears?

The moronic expression.

Who looks like this.

"I am Ham. Look at me. I am so stupid."

Oh, come on. Piddles does

a better impression of me than that.

[Lmitating Monkey Chatter]

You want me, Zartog? Come and get me.

- Whoa!

- [Shouting]

- [Snoring]

- Huh?

[Shouts, Grunts]

[Snoring]

[Gasps, Grunting]

- Aha.

- Huh?

Whoa! Yaah!

- Ham!

- Uh-oh.

No! Why?

Why?

I never wanted a de-particle-izer.

I just wanted to build

a low-fat smoothie yogurt dispenser.

Dr. Poole, I have always loved you.

I know, Dr. Jagu. I know.

- Oh! That tickles.

- No.

Shoot. There goes half of Mission Control.

I'm gonna have to bring Comet in

the old-fashioned way-

talk him down.

[Grunts]

Oh, look. Here we are again.

I have you now, Ham.

- Huh? Huh?

- [Beeping]

- [Groaning]

- [Houston] Comet! Comet, come in.

Can you read me? Repeat: Can you read me?

Uh, oh. Read you loud and clear, Houston.

Now, you're coming in real fast.

Comet, you sure you're up for this?

It's not too late

to ditch the ship and eject.

No. I got this, Houston. Trust me.

[Groans]

What happened? Where are we?

- Kilowatt, welcome to Earth.

- [Gasps]

It's even more beautiful

than I ever lmaglned.

Okay, Houston,

it's time to bring this bird home.

Um, let's see.

Uh, up a little, maybe.

Up a little? That's it?

[Computer] Entering Earth's atmosphere.

Danger. Nose cone overheating.

It's okay. Don't panic.

I just got to find a teeny-tiny

little runway down there, somewhere.

- Landing gear malfunction.

- [Houston] You're just gonna have to wing it.

You got to land by slght and feel.

I am feeling something. Fear!

I can't see.

[Screams]

[Houston] Kid, you're going In too fast,

too low and In the wrong zlp code.

Ah, that's better.

Control your fear. Control your fear.

Control your fear. Control your fear.

Up on the left flaps.

- Left flaps up.

- Good.

- Now down a bit.

- Down a bit. Roger.

Oh, I picked a bad year

to quit eating bananas.

Oh, who cares?

[Chomping]

Ah, finally. Now I've got you.

Yeah, you do. But before you destroy me,

how about a little magic?

Tonight, for one night only...

all the way from- well, from over there...

you will see me bend the laws

of physics and reality...

in a way that is... magical.

Ta-da!

[Gasps]

What else do I have in the bag o' magic?

Let's see here. You've seen this one?

Pull the rabbit out of the hat.

[Gasps]

Ohl Oh, very good.

Yeah. It's a short-haired rabbit.

Okay, it's a guinea pig.

You caught me. But it came out of the hat.

- Oh!

- [Grunts]

[Ham]

Hey, hey. Careful wlth hlm.

That is Nlbbles.

He was on the first Mars misslon.

Watch this.

Ah! And this.

Ha! Ha-ha. Ooh, it's magic.

I don't know if I'd eat that

if I were you.

Hang tight. Here comes the big finale.

Whoops. Where'd it go?

Look fast. Presto chango magnifico.

- Ta-da!

- Wa- Wait. Where did it go?

- Where did it go?

- Where did what go?

- Reveal.

- [Jagu Gasps]

The magic runs deep with the monkey.

- Oh, yeah?

- Oh, yeah.

Then wait till you see this.

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