Spaceman Page #7

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You got a huge game

against new Brunswick?

Yeah.

That's an oxymoron, bill.

There is no such thing as a

huge game against Brunswick.

Our prayers have been answered

and quite frankly I didn't think

there was a zero chance in hell

of it ever happening,

but it has happened.

And now, you're gonna pass it up

because you got

a beer league game

with this bunch of drunk jokers.

I guess you make

a pretty good point.

Damn right, I make a good point.

You can't replace

pine tar with fixodent.

And you need to get packing.

All right.

Well, I better hit the road.

Nice work.

Hey, guys, I better get going.

Okay, I'll see you on Sunday.

Done?

Yeah, I'm not gonna be

able to play on Sunday.

What?

I gotta get in the bus

and head out to Arizona.

I got a tryout

with San Francisco.

Dick over here just set it up.

Oh, that's great.

Wait a minute. What about all the

crap you've been feeding us about

all the glitz and greed

and disloyalty at the major league level.

I know. I know.

That was just me

bullshitting me.

If I don't leave this town soon

I'm gonna end up bankrupt or dead.

Probably both.

He's going to go.

Well, man, do what you gotta do.

Hey, I love each and every one of you

guys like brothers. I mean that.

Okay?

I'll see you around.

I'll leave you tickets at

will call in San Francisco.

Hey, what about your tab?

Oh, yeah!

"Oh, yeah"?

"Oh, yeah," what?

Okay, you're on.

I'm puttin' him on you.

But I'm not payin' his tab.

Yes you are. Somebody is.

The hell no.

Nah.

Sucker!

You guys have been sitting here all day.

Someone's gotta pay it.

Hey, boys.

Hey.

Bill Lee.

Good to see you.

How you doin'? I'll see you in there.

Good, man.

For sure.

All right.

Bill Lee?

Hey, Bruce Lindsay.

How are you?

What in the holy f***

are you doing here?

I was told that I could try out.

By who?

My agent.

He said that he spoke

to the owner himself.

I didn't know retired

ballplayers had agents.

I ain't retired.

Okay? And I just drove here all

the goddamn way from Quebec.

Now, are you gonna

let me throw or not?

You serious? You drove

here from Quebec?

Yep.

Why didn't you fly?

Because I enjoy the open road.

The wind in my hair.

Stones on the radio.

And I'm broke.

You are some piece of work, Lee.

All right, I'll tell you what.

I'll let you throw batting practice

today to the college kids.

Batting practice?

Bruce, I don't need your

goddamn pity party. All right?

I do feel sorry for you, but...

You throw BP for a few days,

keep your nose clean and

we'll see what we can do.

Besides, this benefits us both.

Hitting off you will be

good for their confidence.

Can I at least get in uniform?

No, you're good.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

God, man!

Sh*t, who is that?

That is Manny moss.

Ooh!

Whoo! Yeah!

What's my name, huh?

I think it's probably

"douchebag."

Maury moss' kid.

Sweetest goddamn

swing I've ever seen.

His attitude's got

as much bite as his bat.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Goodness! Oh, my god!

Let me at him.

It's batting practice, bill.

I know.

Just batting practice.

Come on.

All right.

Go get him.

Jim! Come on out.

Whoo-hee!

Yeah! Yeah! Get out the

tape measures, baby!

Manny's putting on

a clinic today. Yeah.

Oh. Hey!

This is supposed to

be BP, old man river.

You wouldn't want to be

responsible for an injury

to a future hall of famer,

would you now?

Look, look, look.

Just do your job

and lay it in there

nice and easy.

Like a sweet kiss from

your old lady, huh?

Your old lady.

I ain't here to play

Patty cake, kiddo.

Go! Hey, who the

f*** is this guy?

Okay, you want to

play like that?

Let's see what you've got.

That was nasty.

What the f***, man?

F***, man.

Whoa, easy.

What is this, man? Y'all trying

to get me hurt out here?

I'm about to pull a muscle!

What's he doin'?

What he knows how to do.

Compete.

Get him out of there.

What kind of stuff is this?

Supposed to be

spring training BP!

What the f*** was that?

Oh, come on,

what do you want me to do?

Just lay'em up there for him?

Yes.

It's batting practice.

I can't have you comin' in here

and throwin' off

a young sluggers timing

with your grab bag of

monkey sh*t pitches, Lee!

Look, I'm sorry, all right.

I just wanted to

show you guys what

I still got in the tank.

How about next time

I just serve them up

like little Twinkies

on silver platters for you?

Oh, there's not gonna

be any next time.

We're committed to

a youth movement here.

So, uh, good luck, all of that.

I'm sorry you wasted your time.

If anything changes,

we'll let you know.

Yeah. Why don't you go...

No need to make a scene.

It's just business.

Uh-huh.

It's just business.

Where have I heard that before?

How do you feel about

the fact that we're about to

replace your insubordinate

over-the-hill ass...

immediately from your contract.

This is a business, Lee!

Plain and simple,

it's a business!

F***in' a**holes!

Guess what?

Mr. Lee, you know, perhaps it's time

for you to find a new profession.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Sorry

about that, bill. Listen.

I respect your tenacity.

More of us do than you know.

We all know you play the

game for the right reasons.

Hey, you won 119

major league games.

I don't know whose daughter

you humped up in Montreal,

but somebody's got it

out for you big time.

Who does? Who doesn't

is the question.

You've been banned from the big

leagues, kid. Plain and simple.

Hey, you didn't hear it from me,

but Cleveland's looking for a minor

league pitching coach down in Tucson.

I told them you might show up

for an interview tomorrow.

A coaching job?

No, man, I don't want to coach.

I want to pitch.

I'm a pitcher.

- It's not gonna happen.

- That's life.

You know the game.

Go make a steady paycheck.

Teach what you know.

I appreciate the information.

You're one of

the good ones, Marv.

Thank you.

Okay.

Keep fighting the good fight.

All right, take care.

Hello.

Hey, honey.

What time is it?

Where are you?

I'm in Arizona.

Had a tryout with

San Francisco today.

Arizona? You did?

Well, that's great.

How did it go?

Well, I thought that

I did great but, uh,

apparently, they are committed to a youth

movement, whatever the hell that means.

How long are you gone?

I'm gonna be a while.

I got a lead on

something in Tucson.

Look, uh, can I please

speak to the kids?

They're all sleeping.

It's late here.

Call tomorrow. Okay?

Can I ask you

an honest question?

Of course.

Do you still love me?

Bill...

What is it? Because I'm not in

the majors anymore, is that it?

Is that really what you think?

I don't know.

Why don't you tell me?

I love you enough

to tell you the truth.

It'd be nice if you would

stick up for your kids

the way you stick up for your

team mates all the time.

Well, what about you?

What about us?

I'm not sure that things can be

salvaged between us

at this point.

But we can be friends.

The kids need that too.

But they need you here.

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