Spare Me Page #11

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Water runs as Theo manically washes the blood from his hands

and arms. He rinses the blood from the holes of his ball and

looks up to the mirror. "NOK NOK" is smeared in blood across

his reflection.

69 EXT. 7-ELEVEN PHONE BOOTH - DAY69

Theo waits through several rings.

GRACE:

Hello?

THEO:

Hello, mom?

GRACE:

Theodore? Where are you? Are you alright?

THEO:

I found dad.

GRACE:

He's dead, isn't he.

(pauses)

Buzz Fazeli might just as well have died

before you were born.

THEO:

Mom, you know I had to do it. I just did

it a little too late.

GRACE:

You sure you're OK Teddy? You're not

bowling are you?

THEO:

I gotta go. Love ya mom.

Theo hangs up the phone. Alfie shuffles over.

ALFIE:

Did you hear about that bowler who got

smeared? I saw them pull a body bag out

of the alley. I heard he was kacked but

good. They had to take apart the pin

machine to get him out.

THEO:

(stunned)

The pin machine?

ALFIE:

Just like Junior did the last time; lane

six. All's I know is it's gonna be a

closed coffin. My advice to you is to lay

low. He puts on a pair of dark 7-Eleven

shades, flips up his collar and skulks

away.

70 EXT. MILES 'O' LANES 70

Theo pulls into the parking lot. The place is cordoned off

with day-glo yellow emergency tape printed with "Bowling

Police - Do Not Cross". A black bowling police van, its blue

light spinning, is parked in front. Bowling cops herd dwarfs

and customers into the van. Mothers and daughters mill around

behind the yellow tape. A group of little people brandish

"Right to Work" signs. Theo gets out of his car. The crowd

moves in as Kastle, hands cuffed behind him, emerges from the

door.

LITTLE GIRL:

There he is!

Camera flashes POP all over the place. Two black-jacketed

bowling cops step out behind him. They are Sid and Breeze.

BREEZE:

Bowling police, step back, give him room.

SID:

Nothing going on here, everybody stand

back. Let him through, ladies. Ladies,

please. As they start to move through the

female throng, a little girl pops out in

front of them, holding her ball.

LITTLE GIRL:

Mr. Kastle, we know you wouldn't do

anything bad.

KASTLE:

Thank-you, sweetheart.

(turns to Breeze)

See that you pinheads! Character witness.

(with sweeping head gesture)

They're all character witnesses!

(he sees Theo)

Thanks to Buzz Fazeli, bowling is dead in

this town! He KILLED it! The two officers

hustle Kastle towards the van. Theo steps

out in front of him.

KASTLE:

(between clenched teeth)

You fool, we could have done great things

together!

THEO:

Where's Junior?

KASTLE:

He killed your stoolie embezzler father,

and he's gonna kill you next! Sid and

Breeze push him towards the van as the

crowd's MURMUR increases. Kastle turns

and yells over his shoulder.

KASTLE:

(shouting)

Lock your daughters up, ladies! Junior's

out there! Mothers and daughters send out

a cacophony of screams and scatter for

their cars. The BP cops hoist Kastle into

the back of the van. Sid slams the doors

shut. The van screeches off, sirens

wailing. Sid and Breeze walk up to Theo.

BREEZE:

Sorry about your loss.

THEO:

(shaking his head)

I should've pegged you guys for bowling

d*cks from day one.

SID:

You should probably hit the road. Go

home. This place could get hazardous for

your health.

THEO:

So, Buzz was stooling for you guys.

SID:

You call it stooling, we call it

cooperating. Breeze looks under Theo's

car.

BREEZE:

Did you know you were parked in the

handicap space?

SID:

Kastle's daughter's been lookin' for you.

Theo gets into his car and starts the engine. Sid and Breeze

poke their heads in the windows.

SID:

She told us you went after Junior to save

your old man's hide. You got some balls

goin' after that psycho.

BREEZE:

Only problem is, you didn't put his

lights out, you just got him mad. Then he

took it out on poor Faz, God rest his

soul. Theo patches out.

SID:

Think he bought it?

BREEZE:

I'd buy it!

Sid chews his lip worriedly.

71 INT. THEO'S CAR - AFTERNOON71

Theo nods off for a second and then snaps back. His eyes seem

hypnotized by the lines on the road which seem to swim and

undulate unnaturally. He nods again. And snaps again.

72 EXT. PARKING FIELD - TWILIGHT 72

Theo pulls up to the old party spot and gets out. He walks

over the dunes and towards the beached station wagon. A huge

flame rises down the beach. A woman is visible in its light,

tossing objects into the fire. Theo walks towards her.

EXT. BEACH, BONFIRE

Sheila is stripping Barbie and Ken dolls and tossing them

onto the pyre. Each one goes up in an exaggerated WHOOSH of

flames. She notices Theo when he steps into the light.

SHEILA:

Once my father walked in on me while I

was making Barbie and Ken do it. He

freaked. I was seven. He took all my

dolls away from me and cut them in half.

He gave the top halves back to

(more)

SHEILA:

me. Then he made me watch him burn the

bottom halves in the fireplace. Theo

kneels down nearby and throws a Barbie

onto the bonfire. It goes up with a

WHOOSH.

SHEILA:

I can see Junior's face in the fire.

Theo puts his hand on Sheila's hand. She looks at him.

SHEILA:

Why did you come back?

THEO:

When I'm with you Sheila, I don't even

think about bowling. Theo takes Sheila in

his arms and kisses her passionately. She

stops him and looks around nervously.

SHEILA:

If Junior finds us, he'll kill us both.

THEO:

I killed him once, I'll just have to kill

him again.

SHEILA:

You don't get two chances with Junior.

THEO:

At least I'll die smiling.

Sheila pushes him over. He falls backwards, her on top.

SHEILA:

And you only get two chances with me.

Sheila yanks her shirt over her head and tosses it away.

FIRE:

The shirt CRACKLES and burns.

She pulls Theo's head up to her breasts.

SHEILA:

What's it gonna be, Theo?

A Barbie's breasts blister from the heat.

THEO & SHEILA

Theo bends Sheila backwards, down on her

back. She grabs the tail of his shirt,

yanks it over his head and off his body.

Sheila rubs her hands up Theo's back.

SHEILA:

What's the plan, Theo?

A Ken back bubbles and melts. Theo lifts Sheila's back off

the sand and works her jeans down her legs.

SHEILA:

Say something, Theo. Give me something. A

doll's legs catch fire. Theo stares into

Sheila's eyes.

THEO:

Plan C. From now on it's gonna be plan C.

Both bodies throb and grind, their sandy

hands sliding over each others' sweaty

skin.

THEO:

It's gonna be you, Sheila.

They humpty-hump to the beat of "Scientist's"

'DEMATERIALIZE.' We hear Theo and Sheila's stereophonic

MOANING as a Barbie and a Ken doll collapse and vaporize from

the blazing heat.

We pan up through the flames, the MOANS increasing in volume

and intensity as they reach the you-know-what-we've-all-been-

waiting-for.

CUT TO:

73 EXT. CEMETERY - DAY 73

A coffin moves slowly forward as a solemn DIRGE plays. The

top is in the shape of a bowling alley with a miniature black

bowling ball inscribed with "The Faz" at the head. The

pallbearers; Theo, Breeze, Sid, Tina, and two other bowlers

place the coffin on poles above the grave. A rotund priest

sprinkles holy water. Sheila stands next to Theo, crying.

(more)

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