Speechless Page #8

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like a mountaintop, or a real pretty bridge,

or something like that,

and I'd push her off.

- You wouldn't forgive her.

- No. Well, maybe after the funeral.

What would you do?

- Same thing.

- My kinda girl.

Shall we speak

the unspoken language of love?

- You mean the kind only dogs can hear?

- Yes. The very same.

(barking and howling)

(knocking)

Kevin, open up!

Wake up, sleepyhead!

Kevin? Garvin is panicked.

Chuck and Eddie are already here

for this infomercial, and this script is sh*t!

There are the research materials. Fax

a new script by 6am, or you're fired!

The election's a week away. I'm tired of

you paying more attention to your reporter

than to your job!

Kevin. Kevin. Wake up.

Wake up. Come on. You gotta...

Kevin, wake up, OK?

We gotta write this thing. Come on.

- Are you awake?

- Uh-huh.

(snoring)

There you go.

All right. Come on. You really

can't handle champagne, can you?

OK.

OK, here we go. Right up here.

Come on, Kevin. Let's go.

Kevin.

Here we go. All right.

Jeez, Kevin, when you sleep,

you really do sleep.

OK, here we go.

Kevin, cut it out. Come on!

We don't have time for games.

All right, here we go. Come on.

Now, where's the... where's the script?

Here, wait here.

Is it in here?

Oh. I got it. OK. OK, here it is. Infomercial.

Right there. OK. Here we go, Kevin.

All right. Hold yourself up here

for just a second. Let's get some light.

Hang on. All right. Now, uh,

you dictate and I'll write, OK?

What would he say?

What would Ray Garvin say?

Let me tell you about...

Go ahead. "Let me tell you..."

Wait, Kevin!

Are you OK?

"Let me tell you about" what?

Myself? My life? My prostate?

Ah. "Let me tell you about my family."

"During this long campaign..."

,, I haven't had a chance

to just sit and talk,

So I wanted to invite you into my home,

where I can sort of let my hair down,

Oh, I hope you don't mind.

You see, I never miss

making my kids' school lunches.

Rusty? Spot?

Hey, Euffles! Euffles!

This is great. You're gonna love this.

Oh, I'll show you later.

- It's Chuck and Eddie!

- (both) Hey!

Julia?

- Hey, Shakespeare!

- Hey. Hi, guys.

- Good stuff.

- Best thing you've ever written.

- Thanks. Thanks.

- Let's get together, huh?

Yeah, yeah. How's it goin'?

- Hey, all right.

- Hey. Home run.

You know, one of the reasons

both of you are out of work,,,

Between employment opportunities,

It's because of policies

like those of my opponent,

For example, if you give

one of those eggs back to me,

that's one less egg for investment,

Euffles!

Boy, you really saved my ass

on this thing, Annette. Thanks.

Julia!

In related news, overnight polls show

reaction to the senatorial debate

clearly favouring Garvin,

- Many believe he has the momentum,,,

- Many?! Who, you and your cousin?

,, especially with tonight's

daring campaign broadcast,

- This is our man,

- Ignorant populist bullshit!

,, which featured a guest appearance

by sitcom favourites Chuck and Eddie,

has clearly helped Garvin,

Have we got the documentation yet

on the Proctor stuff?

That could blow up in our faces.

Put it out there.

OK. Time to play hardball.

- Well, can't we first try to address...

- I don't want to hear it. Get goin'.

(Bob Freed's voice)

- Julia Mann, please.

- I got one for ya!

You're nothin' but a horse's ass!

- Are you all right?

- Yeah. Sh*t, yeah.

(phone)

Hello. Hello. Hello?

- What's going on?

- Come on in.

I just got off the phone with a, uh, reporter

who, uh, is gonna run a story tonight,

from an unnamed source,

claiming that Ray Garvin

accepted a $400,000 bribe

from junk-bond king Alan Proctor.

- What?

- Oh, my God!

Thus effectively ending our campaign.

Someone turned our finance red file

over to the press.

And I'd just like to know

why in the hell you did it, Annette.

- You're kidding, right?

- I wish I was.

You're serious?

I don't believe this. You have some gall

accusing me. This campaign is my life.

You can take your finance red file

and shove it up your ass!

- Goodbye.

- Why would Annette do that?

Only three people knew enough to be

this unnamed source: Proctor, Garvin,

and whoever gave the files over.

So I ruled out Garvin and Proctor.

- Which reporter?

- It doesn't matter.

- No, no, no. I need to know.

- Bob Freed.

Is Kevin Vallick there?

Thank you. That's all right, thanks.

You're amazing, Julia.

I thought I was good.

Oh, God forbid I endanger your position

in the campaign! Where are you going?

- I'm walking to a more appropriate place.

- Where? A firing range?

- OK, go ahead. What's on your mind?

- Your little Proctor leak. Nice work.

If you can't take competition...

Oh, no! I can take the competition.

It's the backstabbing that's the real drag.

- I keep you from getting fired...

- You keep me from getting fired?

- You keep me from getting fired?!

- What I did last night was a sacrifice.

Really? Thanks. Thanks a lot. I didn't

know sleeping with me was a burden.

- That's not what I meant.

- I should have known.

I don't know why I don't realise this.

I'm such a jerk. Politics

and love never mix. Never.

You know what, Julia?

From the moment I saw you,

I should have just run.

Then run.

Julia!

Mr Vallick?

Proctor bribes Garvin.

Wannamaker goes to the press

with the bribe story.

And Garvin is ruined. All right?

It's all very convenient.

The question is, who gave

the information to Wannamaker?

- I already know who gave it.

- Proctor.

- Why would Proctor do this?

- He bribed both candidates.

He kept 'em both in his pocket.

And he decided he wants Wannamaker

to win, so he's destroying Garvin.

I want him to lose. And I want Garvin

to hire me when you win.

("Sorry Seems To Be

The Hardest Word" by Elton John)

(phone)

What do I do to make you love me?

What have I got to do to be heard?

What do I do when lightning strikes me?

What have I got to do?

What have I got to do?

When sorry seems to be

the hardest word

I would like to introduce

New Mexico's newest senator!

The only man who will do

everything in his power

to make sure that this is the most

progressive state in the Union!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I was just leaving.

- Yeah, I saw your car.

- Yeah, I've been trying to call you.

- I've been really busy. Sorry.

- I stopped by the hotel.

- I just haven't had a minute to myself.

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's hear it for our new senator!

All right, I'm gonna say this real quickly,

OK? Look, Julia, I'm really sorry.

I didn't know.

I feel like I blew it, and I...

- This is really hard for me to say.

- Harder than not trusting me?

No, no, no. I just...

I couldn't have done it without my staff!

Come on, guys! Come on up here!

- Come on, Julia.

- Come on, he wants us up there.

I, uh...

- What?

- Congratulations!

- Get used to winning, Julia. You're next.

- Uh-huh. Right.

Look at him. He'll never know

how close we came.

How close did we come?

You sure you don't want to be

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