Spice World Page #6

Shh. Stop it.

What should we do now?

- Maybe just talk to him.

- What are we gonna say?

You could take

your top off, Geri.

- Shut up!

- Just a joke.

Anyway, he's got his eyes shut.

Not now.

- How are you feeling?

- Bad. Where are the girls?

I don't know. I have no idea.

How about trying to find out?

Come on. Chop-chop. Hurry it up.

Amazing how much pain

mothers have to suffer.

No wonder my mum thinks

I'm so ungrateful.

It's like passing a football.

My mum says it was like passing

a block of flats with balconies.

Hello? Hi, Deborah.

We're in hospital.

No, we're fine.

Nicola's having a baby.

We can't leave her.

Oh, no. I've got to go. Bye.

I can't believe it. They're

waiting for a friend's baby?

- It's called loyalty.

- No, it's called insanity.

The world is waiting for this

show and they're not here.

They're doing it to spite me.

They're trying to make me crack.

But I won't.

I won't.

I spy with my bionic eye

something beginning with "H".

Hospital.

Shut up, Geri.

I'm off-duty now.

Everything all right?

Fine. Doing anything

nice tonight?

I'm going to see

the Spice Girls' show.

I'd better get a move on.

See you all later...

hopefully.

Listen, this is silly.

Don't wait for me. Go.

Nicola, we said we'd stay,

so we're gonna stay.

- I think this is it.

- Yeah, it is.

Push down, Nicola. Very good.

Hi, Clifford. No, I don't

know when we'll be there.

This is more important.

It's about friendship.

But you wouldn't

know about that.

I'll speak to you later. Bye.

It can't take THIS long to have

a baby! This is the nineties!

He's about to

crack up any moment.

The sense of tension,

of impending doom.

Are you getting that sweat

on his upper lip?

That's beautiful.

Clifford,

have you got 5 minutes?

Seeing as there's nothing

else going around here - 5!

Graydon, fetch!

OK, here's the story!

It's the girls'

first live performance.

They are...

Only minutes until curtain up.

Hopes of the Spice Girls'

live triumph are dashed.

My God! It's coming out!

I think I'm gonna faint.

- No, you're not!

- Slap me! Oh!

- It's a beet root!

- It's a girl!

With arms like that,

she'll make a great goalie.

Now, that is Girl Power.

He's got a camera!

You're that reporter,

aren't you?

- Emergency!

- Get him, Melanie!

I'm late for the theatre!

The curtain's gone up!

He crashes to the ground!

Now the girls come face to face

with their tabloid tormentor.

The evil reporter is unmasked,

and Damien's whole worthless

life flashes before his eyes.

The girls have made him realise

that he's been living a lie.

Do you know what?

You've made me realize I've

been living a meaningless lie.

It's his character's

one defining moment.

There isn't a dry seat

in the house.

- I'm wet already.

- I don't buy it.

One minute, Damien's

this threatening monster,

the next, some weeping wimp.

That's the power of Girl Power.

- That's the end?

- No.

Damien goes after

the evil boss, McMaxford.

"McMaxford sacked

in jacuzzi scandal."

- What about the girls?

- They must get to Albert Hall.

They've been at

the hospital for 12 hours.

I don't believe it!

Just when you need him!

Now it's a race against time.

- A chase?

- Those are the rules.

- Out of the way, girls.

- What are you doing?

Fasten your seat belts!

Hey! That's my bus!

What are you doing?!

Out of the way!

Come on! What are you doing?

Are you blind?

Put your foot down!

Sunday drivers!

It's only Saturday!

The Spicebus

is racing across London,

through Trafalgar square,

pigeons are flying up,

guys are diving into fountains.

As it zooms down the mall

past Buckingham palace,

Prince William's

looking out a curtain.

He turns to the queen -

the queen, man! - and says,

"Granny, look!

It's the Spice Girls!

"They're on telly in a minute!

"Isn't that

the posh one driving?"

There's the queen!

- Hi, William!

- Hi, Charlie!

Suddenly they're

on top of the bus!

- Why?

- The rules.

There they are,

standing in gale force winds,

holding on for dear life!

Emma slips, but Geri grabs her!

Then Geri slips,

so Mel B grabs her.

Then she slips

so Mel C grabs her!

Is that 4?

Oh, there's one driving.

They're on the bus,

whiplashing back and forth,

about to be turned

into Spice Jam!

- Oh, my God!

- And?

Two nuns pull up right in front!

The braking tumbles

them back inside.

That was close.

- Is everyone all right?

- Victoria!

Sorry!

They're on the Tower Bridge.

Your attention, please.

The bridge will be lifted.

The road is rising

to let a boat through!

The bridge is going up!

They can't believe it!

My God, I don't believe it!

Are they crazy enough

to jump the gap?

Hold on to your knickers, girls!

Hey, baby, these

are the Spice Girls!

Of course they're

gonna go for it!

Up it goes...

a 5-ton London bus

sailing through the air

at 70 mph!

- It's incredible!

- It's expensive.

Not necessarily.

Just when you think they're

safe, they discover the bomb.

What bomb?

That bomb.

- Why?!

- Those are the rules.

I've had enough

of the rules!

Are you trying

to kill them?! No more!

They've suffered enough! Please!

All right! All right!

They run up to the Albert Hall,

then they hurtle

down the corridor,

and they burst through

that door right there.

You lied to me.

Now, now, hey, now.

Hey, that's enough of that!

Where are they?

I'll re-write it.

- Quick, we're late!

- Clifford's gonna go mad!

It's the coppers!

Stay calm, it'll be all right.

Is there a problem...Officer?

Dangerous driving,

criminal damage,

flying a bus without a license,

and frightening the pigeons.

- Go on, Emma. Go.

- What do I say?

I'm really sorry, Officer.

We were late for a show,

so we were in a hurry.

We didn't hurt anybody.

We're sorry and promise

never, ever to do that again.

- Should we cut?

- No, no!

What's the matter with him?

The very essence

of documentary - silence.

Silence. This is marvellous.

This is the plan.

The band starts up,

the fans go wild,

the lights come on,

and I walk centre stage

and hang myself.

By the way,

this is my good side.

My final words are...

"The Spice Girls -

I hate them!"

What are you doing

sitting around?

- We've got a show to do!

- Let's do it!

- Where are the mikes?

- Where are the clothes?

- Where are the bacon butties?

- I love those girls.

Hiya.

I love those girls!

- Damn.

- My arm...

That's ruined a perfectly good

ending to this documentary.

Everything's

under control, Chief.

Then let us enjoy this

triumph while we can,

before the hounds of catastrophe

break free of their shackles

and slobber chaos all over

our faces once again.

Ciao, Chief.

- What did he say?

- Does it matter?

When you've

been horrible to someone,

and you want to make it

all right again...

- Yeah?

- And you have to say stuff?

- Apologise?

- That's the one.

- I want to do that.

- You want to apologise?

What do you think?

Do we still have

a professional relationship?

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