Spinning Boris Page #3

We just have to be blas.

"The numbers are bad but we can

and we will turn it around. "

Are you suggesting that we lie to

the Deputy Prime Minister of Russia?

- Do you have a problem with that?

- No. Just asking.

Please, gentlemen,

do come in.

Please.

- So?

- So...

George Gorton.

Dick Dresner.

How are you?

Joe Shumate.

How is our friend Bill?

Think he will beat Bob Dole?

- Probably.

- Probably.

As Khrushchev said, the only

problem with election...

you never know

who will win.

Clinton won the first time because

Bush refused to believe...

he could lose.

Yeltsin is much the same.

He doesn't trust numbers.

Speaking of which, we've seen

the numbers. Not ideal.

But a lot can change in 4 months.

Especially for the incumbent.

We just gotta get cracking

A- S-A-P.

We have a system. It's called

Election Gaming.

It's basically like...

Here are the rules...

You don't talk to the press...

No leaks at all.

You are never to reveal

who your client is.

It will be a terrible blow

to our national pride.

Your main job is...

to let us know if you determine

that Yeltsin will lose...

- A-S-A-P.

- As soon as possible.

Then we'll take the steps...

Wait, steps?

What do you mean, steps?

What kind of steps?

That's it!

You are hired.

I'll let the president know

we have Americans.

I was gonna take a walk,

maybe you can tell me where...

But you don't speak English.

I'm sorry.

When in Rome, speak Russian.

Me, I'm gonna, how do you say,

promenade-ski...

- I speak.

- You speak!

Walk not advised.

That was a short walk.

- Wasn't advised.

- Told you.

What would happen if I didn't

take their so-called advice?

They'd probably shoot you

in the back...

or say, "Have a nice day. "

Geez, Louise. What a country!

How about those stupid hats

they all wear?

I mean, I know it's cold but,

you know, have a little dignity.

Is anyone else curious about why no

one seems to want to hear our pitch?

I'll tell you why. Because

this whole thing is bullshit.

We've been here one week,

no Yeltsin...

no meeting, no offices.

Nothing.

Maybe A-S-A-P in Russian means...

- when hell freezes over.

- Look outside. It already has.

Let's reach out and touch

somebody, shall we?

Andrei Lugov, please.

George Gorton here.

He what?

He is?

Okay. Thank you.

They said he's too drunk to talk.

- They did not!

- Direct quote.

You know, I don't wanna be

a party poop or anything...

but this whole thing is starting

to smell bad.

- There's an understandment.

- Well, let's not panic, okay?

I mean, look at this rationally.

One, they forked over an awful

lot of money to bring us here.

Two, so far they've given us

VIP treatment.

I mean for Christ's sakes,

they even offered us free sex.

- Which we refuse.

- That was your choice.

And three, they take

our passports...

and lock us up

in a five-star prison...

and apparently no one wants us

to provide the service...

they paid us for.

How am I doing so far?

If I wasn't panicked before,

I'm panicking now.

It all sounds very

Kafka-esque, doesn't it?

Come on, there's gotta be

a logical explanation.

- I mean, why would they do that?

- You want an explanation?

How about this for a scenario?

How about this?

One, Lugov gets this great idea.

"Let's hire in Americans

to save democracy... "

and of course, his money.

Two, he finds Braynin in

Sausalito and says, "Jump".

Three, Braynin says,

"How high", and reaches...

for the Who's Who

of political consulting.

Four, we jump even higher than

Felix because the check clears.

And finally five, Boris

and his seven managers...

they don't like

Lugov's idea anymore...

and so they're trying to figure out

a way they can f*** us up the ass.

How's that?

Know what this whole thing

is starting to remind me of?

- Dallas.

-94.

That's right.

That's right.

Tell you what, there's a Lufthansa

at 10PM through Frankfurt.

All those for getting out

of Dodge, say aye.

No, I think we ought to ride

this out and see where it goes.

Why don't you stay here and ride

it out to see where it goes...

and send me a flipping postcard

when you find out?

Hope I'm not waking you.

Follow me. You got a meeting.

Thanks for the advance notice.

But unless it's with Yeltsin...

- I'm not interested.

- It is with Yeltsin.

Let me get the guys here.

One American is enough for now.

Mr. Gorton, please meet

Tatiana Dyachenko.

Hello. Charmed!

Tatiana's our

president's daughter.

Please, sit down.

Sure. Of course.

My Papa...

he really believes

in the democratic process...

and he truly wants to win...

but democracy is so new here...

nobody really knows

how to do it.

There are so many factions

in my Papa's staff...

they all give him so much

contradictory advice.

And he asked me

to sort things out.

But me, I'm just a mom,

I'm just a wife.

I really don't understand

the politics.

I don't know why he asked me.

Well, maybe he doesn't trust

anybody else.

Do you think that Papa

can win, truthfully?

Truthfully...

Yes, absolutely.

Just gotta give us a chance

to do our job.

Who will tell you what to do?

You and your leadership committee.

- And will tell us what to do?

- We will.

Look, we have a system.

It's called Election Gaming.

I'm sorry but I have to go.

I have kids and...

I'm a wife

and I have to go.

Great. I know you're busy.

Everybody here's busy.

I mean, you bring us here,

you need our help...

but then nobody wants to listen

to what we have to say.

You're right.

It really is important.

- Do go on.

- Really?

Okay. Well, the system...

is called Election Gaming.

It's basically like

War Games...

only we use polls

and focus groups...

to simulate an election.

We test everything, every idea

that the campaign is using...

and thinking of using.

In a nutshell, we find out

what voters want...

and we give it to them.

I can say much more,

but that's essentially it.

It's kind of delicious but that's

the short of it. That's it.

Mr. Gorton...

Uh?

You seem like a truthful man.

I would like you...

and your team...

to consult me

and my family personally.

You're hired.

Good!

When can we meet your father?

Money. Money, right?

How much is a passport worth

on the open market these days?

Sorry, I'm not authorized

to do that.

Not authorized to do. They're not

letting us check out!

Good. We're not leaving.

We got hired.

I'll be so lonely

Baby

I'll be so lonely

I'll be so lonely

I could die

You're telling me we're staying

because you met Chelsea Clinton?

No, no...

Tatiana Dyachenko,

ne Yeltsin.

Graduated from Moscow University...

math and computers,

married, two sons.

We know she can breed, so what?

I'm telling you.

Tatiana is the real deal.

She's gonna be running

the campaign...

and she's gonna be running it

the way we tell her to run it.

Did she let you give her

the Election Gaming spiel?

Yes. Finally.

And she's into it.

I'm telling you.

Okay. So when do we meet Yeltsin?

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