Spinning Boris Page #4

I want my passport

and I want it now!

- Just a second, Dick.

- No seconds!

You can't run a campaign...

without a candidate, okay?

It's like having

a dog and pony show...

without the pony.

Without the freaking dog!

Dick, Yeltsin can't meet with us.

He's the Russian f***ing

president, for Christ's sake.

Imagine DC if it broke that Chinese

were sitting in the Oval Office...

telling our president what to do.

He'd be out of the White House before

saying, "I like fries with that. "

That's right. And think of us.

This is the mother of all gigs.

'Cause if Boris tanks

nobody knows...

we steered the sunken ship.

But if he wins, we make sure

we get the credit...

from bringing him back

from the abyss.

It's a thing of beauty. And besides,

we don't need Boris.

We've got Tatiana,

and she's got his ear.

That's great.

Let's hope we can make

a purse out of it.

Look who's got an office!

We did, that's who.

We're back in the game.

Sixteen weeks left

'til June sixteen.

Lot of candidates to overtake.

And we're getting a late start.

The campaign, I'm sorry to say,

is not perfectly organized.

Now, we haven't done

any polling yet...

but from the 1st look of it, the main

problem with the campaign itself...

is that we are

too many cooks...

and only one pot of borscht.

Meaning to say, no one to take

responsibility for screw-ups.

What screw-ups?

Be specific.

Apparently this is one in a series

of Yeltsin campaign ads.

What he's actually saying is...

how much his life has improved

under Yeltsin.

Well, the man is obviously a liar

and a drunk.

I mean, how has his life improved?

What, is he even drunker now?

What Dick's trying to say

is that...

not too many people

are gonna believe a guy...

who's obviously been paid

to praise the current regime.

Not really as effective

as the candidate himself...

addressing the public.

No.

Papa will never appear

in a television ad.

He will never sell himself

like this.

Well...

apparently he doesn't have

any problem doing this.

He didn't pose for that.

They just used this photograph.

Is it bad?

No, it's not bad if you want

a poster for a horror movie.

He's kidding Again.

No, it's just the shot is...

It's grim. Fierce.

Stop waltzing around the tree.

Are you saying this is hopeless?

That we won't win?

No, certainly not. That's not

what we're saying at all.

What we're saying is...

Let's hold our horses.

No more TV spots, no more

posters, no more mailings.

None of that is working...

so we gotta find out what would.

It is impossible to target

campaign resources...

without analyzing all the moods

and trends in this country.

We need hard facts.

We can't change opinions if we

don't know what they are.

- Just gonna keep burning cash.

- That's right. Exactly.

Let's find the best pollster

in the country...

and start testing.

Soskovets is concerned...

Tatiana has no experience

running the campaign.

Really? Well, no experience

compared to whom?

Seven campaign managers...

apparently they're doing

a bang-up job.

I am to be in all your meetings.

I also want to be briefed

on the agenda in advance.

Is that clear?

No exceptions.

These two will be

your bodyguards, okay?

So, that means whenever

you need to leave the hotel...

call downstairs, they will

come and get you.

You are not supposed to go

anywhere unescorted.

You have to stay inconspicuous.

No big crowds,

no public places...

no campaign functions.

You also cannot

run around Moscow...

saying, "We work

for Yeltsin, blah, blah, blah. "

Okay?

These guys are good

at inconspicuous.

Right, and who exactly

are they protecting us from?

So far, the scariest thing

I've seen around here is them.

Hey, Vasso.

Vasso, my name is

George Gorton.

We talked on the phone.

You watch "Montecito" at home?

Not as often as I'd like.

It's the most popular show here.

Most Russians never saw

a bikini.

I did a poll that confirms this.

Fascinating.

So, how much would it cost us

to do a sample poll?

Who are you?

What is your business?

"Intervista International".

We're bringing thin screen TVs

to Russia.

Obviously it's a pretty

big investment...

so we thought we'd do some general

polling and market R and D.

Sixty thousand per poll.

American dollars.

What, are you nuts?

There's three places here

that will do it for 40 thousand.

But you want the best.

I'm sixty thousand.

It's a deal.

You have a list of questions

you want me to ask?

There you go.

"What do you think of Yeltsin?"

"Is the president

doing a good job?"

"Does Yeltsin care

for a person like you?"

Thin screen TVs, huh?

It's a big investment.

I'm sure you've met

the new Russians.

Young men who drive

fast cars...

wear labels on their underwear...

drink French champagne.

These...

these are the real Russians...

the kind work for a living.

The kind don't get paid.

We always feed them first.

Russians hate to talk

on empty stomach.

That's good to know.

My first question is...

if Yeltsin were a tree...

what kind of a tree would he be?

What the hell's he talking about?

What happened to our questions?

I can't ask your questions.

They're too leading.

Not scientific.

You're asking what kind of tree

Yeltsin would be...

and our questions

are not scientific?

Vasso, no offense,

but we'd really appreciate it...

if you stuck to our questionnaire.

I would not feel comfortable.

I tell you. We paid you a shitload

of money, so get comfortable.

I doubt you sell many TVs,

Dick.

Right.

He does have a point

about the TVs.

Let me rephrase the question.

What do you think about Yeltsin?

Is he doing a good job?

There must be some mistake.

No, no mistake.

The margin for error

is two percent tops.

"Do you approve of the job

Yeltsin is doing?"

Eight percent approve,

fifty-nine percent disapprove.

"Does he care about

a person like you?"

Ten yes, eighty-five no.

Seventy-five percent hold him

responsible for the bad economy...

and sixty-nine percent

think he's corrupt.

Seventy percent blame him

for the war in Chechnya.

And sixty-one percent think

he's too incompetent to lead.

- Fifty-nine percent feel...

- Joe, Joe...

But there's more.

So, you say we can't win.

No. Who said that?

We didn't say that.

Yes, those numbers

are sheer agony.

But there are a few positives.

There's a big block of undecided.

They don't like Yeltsin,

but they might vote for him...

if the only alternative

is a communist.

Many people think

Yeltsin was good once.

See, that's important because

it means they can think it again.

He is good now...

He is trying.

He is a good man.

Your father is a great man...

but, you know, that's a little

less relevant right now.

Who he is isn't as important...

as who people think he is.

Which is why we have

to change his image.

Repackage him.

Repackage?

Papa's not a bar of soap.

No.

I didn't say he was.

But that's what you meant.

I'm not sure I like

your Western politics.

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