Spinning Boris Page #6

He's got to totally drop

the whole czar character.

No more speeches.

More walk, less talk.

What he needs is photo ops.

Like maybe he should

plant some trees.

- Trees?

- Yeah.

But why trees?

Russian people like trees,

don't they?

It shows he can roll his sleeves up

and dig in and, you know...

he cares about the environment...

not afraid to get dirty...

and he likes being out

amongst the people.

Papa doesn't like to be out

among people.

He's afraid of being booed.

Afraid of being booed?

Well, that's fine.

You just get advance men

to make sure...

there are more people

cheering than booing.

- They drown out those boos.

- Advance men?

Please, explain "advance men".

Advance men...

Okay.

Advance men go everywhere

your father goes...

but they go there first.

Like, let's say he goes out

to a public place...

like a park or,

you know, a factory.

Advance men make sure

the locals get a paid day off...

and a Yeltsin poster in their hands,

something written.

Wherever he shows up,

they gather a crowd...

and they show them

where to stand...

and teach them how to spontaneously,

so to speak, cheer and wave and all.

They get some local kids or if

they're lucky, a school band.

Make it exciting, you know?

As for the tree, advance men

pick the right tree for him...

not too big that he can't lift...

and not too many branched

that cover his face...

they dig the right hole for him,

pick that perfect tree, etc.

Their main job, of course, is to be

completely inconspicuous...

to make it look as unrehearsed

and unplanned.

They have to make it look

as if they're not there.

Advance men!

All my love

All my love

Darling

I'll give to you

Love me sweet and tender

Darling I love you

Here we go.

You did it.

The Yankees say, "Plant a tree"

and bingo...

the ruler of the Russian Empire

plants a tree.

This particular Bronx Bomber

is tickled pink.

Congrats, comrades.

- Comrade.

- Congrats.

What do you think, Dick?

Does this make up for not writing

the State of the Union?

No. Not really

But it's pretty damn close.

Up three points overnight.

He should plant more trees.

More trees?

You want for him to plant

a tree every day?

Yes, more than one

if he can.

If it's not planted, plant it.

Many top campaign people

are moving here...

to the tenth floor below us.

They're turning them into

campaign offices.

Don't they trust us?

As we say.

Success is contagious.

Everyone wants to be

close to us.

As we say, set a meeting.

No. No meetings.

It's too risky.

The more people you meet

close to the president...

the more we increase

the risk of leaks.

From now on...

all your ideas must be

in writing...

for the people downstairs.

But the memos...

have to be sent addressed

from "us" to "you".

No names.

Security.

Felix.

From "us" to "you".

Basically, the overwhelming

majority don't wanna see...

your mother out campaigning.

Raisa Gorbachev, a PR disaster.

Hillary, no great

shakes there either.

What the numbers do suggest

is they'd like to see her...

involved in charity work.

Do you believe in God?

Depends.

Why?

You better start.

Church is testing super high.

Higher than show biz

or intelligentsia.

Let's recommend the endorsement.

From "him" to "them".

What's holding us up?

What's the delay?

It's a mafia hit.

Head of a big television station...

shot in the head,

middle of the street.

The body's just lying there.

Blood all over.

Really?

Joe, yeah.

When was the last time...

we did a from "us" to "you"

on the mafia?

Yes, we're still against it.

Boris should take the strongest

possible stand.

By the way, tell Tatiana

there's a big job opening...

at a TV station.

Maybe she can pull some strings

and get somebody who supports Boris.

Okay.

Tragic isn't it,

these people?

They fought in World War Two.

They worked so hard

all their lives...

and now look at them.

They're forced to sell

their war medals to survive.

That's tragic.

Yeltsin's gotta do

something for these people.

Yeah, he should.

There's so much he can do.

The sixty-plus have every reason

to go commie.

Life savings have been wiped out

by inflation...

their pensions are worthless,

if they get them.

To tell you the truth, they're not

equipped to cope with capitalism.

There's not a lot we can say

to change any of that.

Yeah, I know.

Except that...

Yeltsin's reforms may be good

for the future of the children?

That's good.

We should test that.

Vote Yeltsin for the sake

of your children.

I'm gonna call Vasso.

Brother Joe, brother Dick...

we're in double digits, baby.

I guess that puts us on top

of the democrat pile.

Poor of Zyuganovsky's gonna have

to put off his invasion to Alaska.

Doesn't occur that the Russky

press did a complete U-turn.

First got here we couldn't find

a positive story on Boris...

now we can't find a negative one.

They can see the numbers.

Yeltsin's the only one who can

beat Zyuganov...

and believe me, they know which

side their bread's buttered on.

If the commies win their little tryst

with freedom of the press is kaput.

What a way to run a campaign!

With the press in our pocket!

Are we good or are we good?

I say we are very good.

Plus it doesn't hurt to have the

unlimited resources of Don Lugov.

Here's the deal. I've been tracking

this Russian company Lukoil.

On Wall Street,

it's twenty-four a share...

which is way, way undervalued...

because everybody's jittery

about the election.

You see, if Boris loses,

the communists deprivatize...

the oil industry,

and Lukoil is dead.

But if he wins...

How much?

Modest estimate...

the stock quadruples

in the first week.

- Oh, baby!

- No sh*t!

No sh*t!

So, anybody's calling

their brokers?

- Are you nuts? F*** no.

- Just thought I'd mention it.

Well, this is fun.

We are staring at the virtual

corpse or communism.

I wish.

Communism's alive and well,

kicking our butts at the poll.

Papa's topped out.

The commies haven't given up

any ground. F***ing none

It would help if Tatiana

would let us go negative, George.

If she could convince that putz

to do some TV ads.

Not gonna happen,

I've talked to her a bazillion times.

I've met 12 year-old children

less naive than her.

She's not naive.

She's an idealist.

Touching.

Whatever she is,

I just hope we can change it.

You know what I'm thinking?

This might be a good time

for you to call your pal Morris.

Are you nuts?

What for?

Tatiana's never

gonna convince Papa.

We gotta get to him somehow.

Who's the most influential guy

you know?

That's a great idea, Joe.

I see where you're going.

I'm not calling Morris

for any favors.

You'd be doing him a big favor.

If Russia suddenly goes Red

in June...

his guy's dead in the water

come November.

- Why?

- No.

Come on, Dick, you know Morris

owes you.

Mr. Morris, Dick Dresner

on line two.

Dick, good to hear from you, buddy.

How's the weather in Moscow?

You know where I am?

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