Spring Page #4

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you're gonna have a billion rabbits.

Do you mind if I put on some music?

Sure, but don't judge me.

Are you allergic to anything?

Uh, no. These are in

a lot of different languages.

You said you wouldn't judge.

- I'm not, I'm just impressed.

- Good.

Do you speak any of these languages?

Mm-hmm. Do you like leeks?

Sure. How many do you speak?

- Oh, I don't know.

- You don't know?

Um... French, German, Italian,

Spanish, a few forms of Arabic,

Japanese, Latin, Greek...

I think that's it.

- You don't speak Sumerian?

- No, do you?

I don't speak dead languages.

Do you mind?

The ashtray isn't decoration.

That's true.

You should quit smoking.

You are a hypocrite.

No, I'm not.

Uh, would you mind watching the soup

while I use the restroom?

Yeah, sure.

- Soup's ready.

- Just a second.

Do you ever feel like

you have to shower immediately?

Uh, I think that's a girl thing.

Showering is a girl thing?

I'm going to the beach on Sunday.

You are waiting to bathe in the sea?

Uh, yup. You want to come?

That's gross.

Seriously, do you want to go with me?

I can't. I'm taking medication

that makes my skin sun-sensitive.

So, I only get to see you at night?

You can meet my husband

and kids, if you want,

but our nights together

must remain a secret.

Mm. Yeah, we'd probably get

bored with each other anyway.

Not bad. What's in it?

Leeks, saffron, and rabbit.

It's just a broth

with a bunch of spices and vegetables.

Oh, Jesus, you're a vegetarian?

I try to be, but sometimes I crave meat.

I've got to go to work.

Thank you, be safe. Blanket.

- Is this bad?

- It's a tree.

- Here.

- Why don't you just kill 'em?

They help to make fruit.

They kill the tree

so they can pollinate it?

Mother Nature is crazy, Angelo.

What the hell is that?

Tumore della radice.

No capisco.

Rotten roots.

Root rot, huh?

I've been seeing this Italian girl.

She's really pretty.

But she acts kind of weird sometimes

and I found something

that gives me some doubts.

I appreciate the Italian lessons,

really, I do,

but, Angelo, I have no idea

what the hell you're saying.

Choose your poison.

That's your advice?

Italian women, the best.

That's wonderful advice, Angelo,

but have you been anywhere else?

In France.

So Italian women, you think they're

better than French women?

I get that.

Your wife was a goddess,

Angelo, but I got to tell you

there's a lot of really

beautiful women in the USA.

Italian women.

You realize in America there are

a lot of Italian immigrants, right?

Okay, what now? Is it... do we, like,

bury a virgin lamb skull

full of herbs to ward off the infection?

Che cosa?

You know, the whole voodoo

biodynamic farming thing?

I worked at a restaurant in college.

They told me that Italian farmers...

that's how they do it.

You don't do that?

Fungus killer spray in shed.

Spray? Got it.

- Did you farm again today?

- Yes, I did.

It's amazing,

you're picking it up so quickly.

I don't make bad jokes

about what you do.

I can imagine it being this really

intense apprenticeship

where he shares all of his worldly

knowledge as you tend to the land.

No, it's nothing like that.

- Hey.

- What?

Can I ask you something? Don't get mad.

Depends what it is.

This morning I found a used syringe

on your bathroom floor.

I know it's none of my business

and we just met, but...

Uh, okay, it's not drugs.

I have a medical condition

that comes and goes

and it's a very long story.

Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have

even bothered to...

I'm... I didn't think you were a junkie,

I just needed to know what it was.

Do you think I gave you AIDS?

- No.

- Oh, you did. You thought it!

- No, I didn't.

- Hep C?

- That would've been worth it.

- Oh, come on, I don't believe you.

Can I do something

really corny right now?

Again?

I've been carrying this thing

around for a week

and I haven't used it once,

but I'd really like a picture with you.

You haven't called anyone?

Uh, calling card's cheaper

and the only person I call is Tommy

and he's always drunk, so...

What about your family?

Well, tell me about your family.

Well, they're great.

Scusa. Scusa!

- Sure.

- Grazie.

- Just one photo, please.

- All right.

- Okay.

- Grazie.

- You moved.

- Un altro?

- No, no. Grazie, no.

- Okay.

Tell... tell me about your family.

I really don't want to

do that right now.

Come on.

You're seriously mad because

I don't want to talk about something?

You just want to come here,

f*** a foreign girl,

and show your stupid friend the picture.

That doesn't make any sense.

And when I ask you

something important about you

and you don't tell me,

that means you can't be intimate.

I'm so confused right now.

Look, I went to

the f***ing beach with you.

I'm sorry.

I think you're overreacting,

but I'm sorry.

And I think you're being annoying,

but maybe I was just being crazy.

Do you want to hear about my family?

Yes, I do. Yes.

It's a f***ed-up story.

So we're sleeping together

and I'm, like, making you meals,

but you can't tell me anything?

The only family I had

was my mom and dad.

My dad died suddenly of a heart attack.

My mom was diagnosed with

cancer a few months after that.

I came home from college

a couple years ago

to take care of her

and she died last week.

Wow, I mean, that's horrible.

No sh*t.

Not exactly great dinner conversation.

Are you okay?

Do I seem all right?

I like you.

Were you better before?

I think I'm all right.

You've got the same backstory as Batman.

This is so cool.

Are you mad?

I mean, I've got nothing to avenge

if I become a masked vigilante...

Oh, shut up. I mean how sometimes

even if you don't believe in a higher

power, you get mad at one.

Yeah, I'm mad at something

for doing that to them,

making me put my life on hold

while I worked at the same shitty bar

I grew up thinking

I never want to end up at.

How do girls know to do that?

What is it you would've done instead?

I don't know.

And I feel...

I feel guilty and selfish for...

like a sociopath for worrying

about what I'm doing for work

when my whole family just died.

Your professional life is fine.

Do you feel like an orphaned farmer?

No, but I feel like a grown-ass man

who misses his parents.

So...

you gonna tell me something now?

Like what?

I don't know. But I just bared

my soul to you.

- That was baring your soul?

- F*** off.

Okay, let's see, mm.

Not this one, no.

Um, did you know I have

two different color eyes?

What do you mean?

Holy sh*t.

Why do you wear the contact?

My ex-boyfriend always made fun of it.

- What an a**hole.

- I'm joking. I'm lying.

No one ever did that.

You probably lie a lot.

I've actually never lied to you.

Not once.

Your eyes are beautiful.

And you're not very creative.

Hey, Angelo?

Si?

Never seen a tree that has

two different fruits on it.

Lorange tree.

Got lemons and oranges,

so I call it a lorange tree.

Or are those limes?

You get it, loranges?

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