Spring Page #5

---

That's it?

Old tree uses new tree.

The fruit looks good.

Oh, yes.

- Vulcano.

- Volcano?

Yes, volcano make good soil.

- Is it active?

- Ha!

Sh*t.

Good job, Bob.

Sorry, Sally.

Come in.

Hey.

Long, bad day.

Let's stay in.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Sorry I'm being really boring.

- You feel all right?

- I think so.

Do I look all right?

You look beautiful.

I might be sick. You may not

want to get too close.

What are you doing?

Lift up your head.

I read that this is what you do

when a girl gets sick.

You don't have to.

Anything to eat?

There are some oranges

and yogurt in the fridge.

Here, find something for us to watch.

What happened to Bob and Sally?

I don't want to talk about it.

You want some?

Thanks.

My friend Tommy

said he was born with a tail.

I doubt your friend Tommy

is one of the 23 cases ever.

- No, he totally is.

- Mm, yeah.

We have lots of things

we don't use anymore.

I'm pretty sure they sell this

at Urban Ourfitters.

It's oversimplified and misleading,

but I like the pictures.

Want some water?

Vino.

- Vino?

- Wine.

I know.

Thank you.

Di piu? How much more?

Basta finito.

- For the day?

- Si.

Well, let's go fishing or something.

No. Sono stanco.

Come on, man.

My girlfriend's at work,

I got nothing to do.

Look, if you're stanco,

let me drive these down.

Have fun.

Whoo! Touchdown, Epsilon,

Lamda, Omega! Run! Run, run, Pledge!

Run faster, f*ggot!

Oh, oh, f*** you!

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, say, can you see

My gigantic cock?

- Oh. Hi.

- Oh, my God.

- What are you doing here?

- Walking home from work.

What are you doing here?

Um, here.

We're buying gifts now?

It has Roman porn in it. Remember?

You didn't sign it, though.

There are so many more

tourists here than usual.

This is the beginning.

Late spring is a madhouse.

- You want to go somewhere?

- Let's go.

Okay, but you can't tell anyone.

It's a secret.

Not Tommy, no girls.

- Anywhere away from tourists.

- You're a tourist.

We have to get my boat. Come on.

You have a boat?

- Come on, faster, Evan! Faster!

- Can you swim if we sink?

The lady gorilla won't sink.

Seriously, can you swim?

Okay, so we're very close.

So paddle us as fast as you can,

then get down.

All right, have you done this before?

This looks like magic.

Looks like stuff from nature

we haven't figured out yet.

Well, what makes this?

The glow? It's from refracted sunlight

coming through a big hole underwater.

How did you find it?

My friend showed it to me.

There are some others the tours

go to, but this one is a secret.

Some of the Roman statues from

the exhibit were found over there.

Hormones and biochemistry.

Moment ruined and I think

we're taking on water.

Stop talking sh*t about my boat, Evan.

Can I ask you something awkward now?

No.

Do you ever change your clothes?

- Yes!

- Really?

All I brought is my backpack

and the only things they sell here

are, like, "I heart Bologna" shirts.

Octopussy!

- We are not all like that.

- Octopussy.

You girls old enough to drink?

You know where we can get some beer?

Uh, Evan, are you still hungry?

No, I'm good.

'Cause you know, the clinic

opens really early tomorrow.

- Yeah, I have work tomorrow, too.

- I've got to go to bed.

- Don't pay for me.

- No, you did all the rowing.

But thanks for a wonderful time.

What up?

Hey, I have weed in my hotel room.

I don't speak French.

How much to suck my dick?

What the...?

Football bad?

Si.

Where are you off to all dapper?

Chiesa. Come.

Grazie.

Your Italian is going better.

Yeah, I'm trying.

Are there any single donne at church?

Si.

You should ask one out.

- I can't.

- Yeah, you can.

My wife.

Oh, well...

if you ever feel ready, then you should.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Something wrong?

No, it's...

- Can I come in?

- No, it's not a good time right now.

Um, well, I mean if you really have to.

Um, I didn't sleep at all last night,

so forgive me if I stumble through this.

I don't even know how much

you need me to tell you this,

because it's been barely a week,

but things got intense so fast and...

Tell me what?

We can't see each other anymore.

- Are you serious?

- Yes.

I don't think you're ready

for where this is going

and I have some things

I need to work through

without being in a relationship.

And, Evan, I'm...

I'm really, really sorry

for leading you on like this.

I can see how

you could feel like this has...

this has all been going so fast.

Like, if you're freaked out and you

need some space, that's fine.

Evan, you've been through a lot recently

and maybe you're not

thinking clearly, but...

I'm fine.

- What's your problem?

- No, I...

I'd really rather not explain

what's the problem.

Um, again, I can't tell you

how sorry I am

and that you're a wonderful guy, but...

What happened to intimacy

being talking about stuff?

That's it? So I leave here

and it's like you and I never happened?

We never see each other again?

Okay.

I want you to know something...

take it or leave it...

I think you could be

the love of my life,

and I know that sounds stupid,

it's only been five days.

But it's true.

If you don't feel anything for me

and that's what this is really about,

then I wish you the best

with everything in your life

'cause I think you're an amazing person.

But if you do feel something,

I think you should think

about this a little bit longer.

All right.

I'm taking off, Angelo.

Uh, donne problema.

Oh, I didn't hit her.

I hit a wall 'cause she

broke up with me.

Stupido.

"Donna Italiana," right?

Ciao.

Hey, Angelo?

I wanted to say thank you.

Uh, even with all this,

I'm living the fantasy

of some rich American housewife.

I don't know how much

longer I'm gonna stay here,

but I want you to know

that I appreciate all this.

Policia?

Immigrazione.

Immigration? Do I need to worry?

- Si.

- Should I run?

Si.

So back in the US,

the cops are after me.

Before that, I lost my job

and lost my... my parents.

Here, I lost my job,

lost my girlfriend,

and the cops are after me.

Can you start...

can you start the shower, please?

Are you a vampire, werewolf,

zombie, witch, or alien?

Human.

Are you scared of me?

Yeah,

but explain it to me.

Sorry, I...

Evan.

Calm...

F***.

Evan, that is me.

No, it's not.

It is.

I posed for that painting

almost 2,000 years ago.

Ha! This is the crazy I can't handle.

My eyes are like this because

of hereditary heterochromia.

Do you know what that means?

I don't know. You, like, give it

to your kids or something?

Correct, but I've been

giving it to myself.

There are things I have found out

in the last two decades

that I don't understand entirely

and you may find them upsetting.

You're trying not to upset me?

You dumped me and became a monster.

Okay, you win one argument.

Um, do you know

what embryonic stem cells are?

Cure stuff. You abort babies to get 'em.

Not necessarily, but you

kind of get the idea.

They replicate for a long time

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes