Spring Forward Page #2

probably dines with Kaiser.

Kaiser hates this guy. I mean, the guy is...

The guy's got a cupcake mentality.

To hell with him!

Cupcake mentality?

He's a jerk! A soft life, his whole life.

- I just need to start with a lawyer.

- No sh*t.

My parole would be so completely f***ed.

Forget it! Last thing Fredrickson wants

is to be seen as spreading dirt about somebody.

This is the sh*t those books

are supposed to help you with.

Should we...

...start loading that stuff?

No.

What about...

You really think

that guy's gonna send someone over?

No. He's a liar.

Guys like that,

you can just smell it on 'em, can't you?

I smell that, and I swear to God,

I want to rip their teeth out.

- I know, but you've gotta watch that.

- I know.

The only thing it's gonna get you

is dead or in jail.

- No offense.

- I can't kiss the ass of these jerk-offs.

I'm not saying that.

You pretend like you're kissing their behind.

Do what you wanna do.

A guy'll tell you to do something...

...and just by having the balls to say it out loud...

He got the upper hand on you...

If you say no, you're the problem,

even if he created the problem...

...by telling you what to do, like you're unhuman.

They back you into a corner

with their authority, like.

Know how many people wanna hire you

once you did time for armed robbery?

It's like, "Hello! I'm radioactive!"

Kaiser hired you.

One guy.

He just told me, "I've been there."

He was! The judge told him,

"Go to Vietnam or go to jail."

- I didn't get a choice.

- I don't think his was armed robbery.

- I needed the money.

- You told me that.

I bought a car so I could get to my new job.

A good job.

Working at the kitchen over there,

at IBM, in the cafeteria.

Minimum wage, but hey, right?

One whole year I looked, taking those

nighttime construction jobs, no permit.

I demoed for a guy five weeks in a row.

He screwed me, told me payroll f***ed up.

Ripped down asbestos for him,

illegal, two months, never said a word.

And now, could I help him out?

Meanwhile, I eat peanut butter sandwiches,

and crash on my friend's couch.

- Couldn't say he was f***in' me or...

- Please.

Sorry.

So that job was over.

Never saw the money.

I couldn't get unemployment.

No proof of employment.

Why call it unemployment?

Watch this. That's sumac. It's poisonous.

So I get the job at IBM.

After two weeks, I get my first paycheck for $310.

- Tax.

- No, listen.

I go to the manager, say,

"There's a problem with my check."

"No, there isn't," he says. So I tell him:

"Look. I worked 91 hours at $5.25."

"No, you didn't," he says.

I feel something coming on.

He tells me that four of my days

were following days.

- When I'm not...

- "Following days"?

Where I'm just learning the ropes.

I don't get paid for those,

wasn't skilled enough for the kitchen.

That would have frosted me!

What?

Frosted.

- Pissed me off.

- Right?

I tell him I don't think that's fair.

He says it is.

They're not running an outreach program.

Like I was a f***in' junkie or something.

Next thing I know,

I'm escorted to the parking lot...

...like I was some kind of terrorist.

- Jesus.

- And I'm in the hole for $700.

I just saw the whole thing slipping away,

the good food, the car.

My friend's wife giving him sh*t about

how long I was staying.

So I go into this Dunkin' Donuts off

the Merritt Parkway that I knew was 24 hours.

And I rob them.

What was I gonna do?

What about the armed part?

Were you on the drugs?

No.

I figured I wasn't going without a gun, you know.

Some off-duty cop. You never know.

How'd they catch you?

A woman who worked there

also worked in the cafeteria.

What was I gonna do? Shoot her?

Next morning,

the cops knock on my friend's door.

All night, I sweat bullets,

promise God I'll never do it again.

In the morning, I get busted.

It's tough!

Worst part is, these cops driving me

are eating a half-dozen jelly donuts.

I've never been so hungry in my entire life.

I need this job, Mr. Murphy.

I gotta get back on track, you know?

Sure you don't want me to load that fertilizer?

No.

- I don't mind loading it by myself.

- We're not gonna load anything.

You heard him.

He's got deliveries all day tomorrow.

He's gotta have that space cleaned out,

otherwise he's got no storage.

We're not gonna do something for him

he's gotta do himself.

The minute he said that, I knew we had him.

- Isn't he expecting us to do it?

- Let him expect.

We'll go to the duck pond,

see if it needs thatching.

Eat lunch. Go prune the border back.

It was one of those places,

thought I was backed into a corner.

Just saw red.

Got a lot to learn.

I read this interview with the Dalai Lama...

- Wait.

- A Buddhist monk, Chinese kicked him out.

- I know who he is.

- He's like the pope of Buddhism.

This interview asks him what human behavior

we should be on the lookout for.

Like an early warning sign

of our society getting ripe for...

...or closer to another...

...Nazi attitude.

The Dalai Lama looks at him for a second,

and he goes;

"Routine."

Routine?

Yeah! Like, everybody unconsciously...

...or even consciously, I guess,

just not questioning.

Just following the same system or rules.

Routine.

- Programmed?

- Yeah.

You want a coffee?

Maybe you've had enough coffee today already.

Get me a...

I don't have any money.

Me neither. It's payday.

I must have left it on the dresser.

I'm sorry about that $20 I owe you.

I'll make sure...

Don't worry about it.

No.

- I like to pay my debts.

- Fine. We've been all over that.

I told you, pay me when you can.

This is getting a little routine.

That's very good.

Didn't know you had a sense of humor like that.

You think I don't listen.

F***in' vandals.

Vandals.

What's the point of this?

They're losers.

- Kids are spoiled, don't know they got it good.

- You know, sometimes...

...you just have to say, "Things are looking up."

Start looking up. You have to make an effort.

You know what I mean?

Look here. Here's a wallet.

Senior ID. Driver's license.

Dennis Ramirez.

Rubber. $50. The whole thing.

Looks like Dennis is gonna have

explaining to do to the police.

No. We'll take it back to his parents.

What are you talking about?

That's why there's police and laws!

People learn to behave. They set me straight.

Maybe they'll get him

before he gets in real trouble.

It's not armed robbery, you know.

It's a senior prom prank.

You know about karma?

Yeah.

- Okay, no.

- Karma's like Indian for...

- American Indian?

- No, from India. Ancient.

The energy you put out there...

Energy?

More like the good fortune you put out there.

When you put it out there, it stores up.

Then there's so much,

it comes back to affect you positively...

...and you have...

...more good fortune.

So, basically...

...what goes around comes around?

Yeah.

Losers.

They got boot camps for vandals.

That'll teach 'em something.

What do I know?

My father used to sing every morning.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes