Stand Up and Cheer! Page #3

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- Maybe you could ask him.

- I'm sorry...

but I really wouldn't want

to bother him.

- He has so much on his mind.

- Bother?

Why that wouldn't bother him.

He'd thank you for bringing me in.

I'm Jimmy Dugan. Everybody knows Jimmy Dugan.

Excuse me. Uh, this lineup

is all right as it stands.

- Yes, Mr. Cromwell.

- Thank you.

Well, well.

- Now who is this young lady?

- Shirley Dugan.

Shirley Dugan?

Well, how do you do, Miss Dugan?

- My name is Cromwell.

- How do you do, Mr. Cromwell?

My daddy wants to see you.

Yeah. It's about me and Shirley.

That is... our act.

Oh, yes. Well, I'm sorry, but you'll have

to go through the usual channels.

Oh, I don't need work.

I'm booked solid for 40 weeks.

You heard about my act. Ten minutes

of songs and dances. Knocks 'em cold.

- It's about Shirley.

- Yes, well, that's in Miss Adams' department.

No, it's about that

new rule you made...

- that a kid under seven can't work in an act.

- Oh, yes. Well...

we had to make that ruling

to comply with laws of various states.

But Shirley doesn't really work in the act.

She just comes out...

at the finish and she loves it.

You see, it's this way, Mr. Cromwell.

Me and the missus had an act together.

Shirley was born and we brought

her up from the top of a trunk.

Everything was goin' swell...

and then...

Mrs. Dugan passed away.

Since then, Shirley and me

have been goin' it alone.

Well, don't you think

she needs a woman's care?

I couldn't leave her with anybody else.

Besides, I gotta have

her in the act with me.

She helps me over the rough spots,

build to a finish, like the missus did.

And look at her, Mr. Cromwell.

She thrives on it.

I gotta have her with me.

How's chances?

How's chances?

I think chances are great.

Come here.

Just a minute, ladies.

Let me remind you, gentlemen...

that we are members

of the Senate of the United States.

Ours is a solemn duty.

The people have entrusted us

to watch their affairs...

and to carry out the functions

of the government with dignity.

Here, here!

In justice to ourselves...

and to those who sent us here...

we cannot look lightly

upon the activities...

of the new cabinet member,

Lawrence Cromwell.

He is squandering millions

of the taxpayer's money...

to make of this government

a caricature.

Here, here.!

He hands out jokes

instead of jobs...

buffoonery instead of bacon.

Gentlemen, a sense of humor...

cannot assert itself

upon an empty stomach...

- nor can a nation endure on hollow laughter.

- Right.!

Uh, Mr. Chairman...

I move that we appoint

two gentlemen from this committee...

to wait on Secretary Cromwell at once.

Those in favor, say "aye,"

contrary-minded, "no. "

The "ayes" have it.

- The chair appoints Senator Short.

- Thank you, Mr. Chairman.

And Senator Danforth.

I shall expect

a report from you tomorrow.

They will get results.

Of course.

We've had our troubles.

But different zones require

different kinds of amusement.

For instance, the public is improved.

Its sense of humor is thoroughly awake.

Now if you care to go into this in greater detail,

Mr. Dinwiddle of this office will assist you.

- If it isn't too much trouble.

- Not at all. I'll send him in.

Thank you, gentlemen. If you'll excuse me,

I have important auditions.

- Go right ahead. -

Certainly. - Thank you.

A reasonable sort of fellow, isn't he?

- Yes, but I don't think you were firm enough.

- What's that?

I don't think you were

firm enough with him.

Oh, you don't?

That's a sound argument.

We've always been in accord.

Yes. We were together

on that Bolder Dam project.

- And we were together on the Red River Dam project.

- Yes.

In fact, we've been together

on every dam project.

I object to the word "every. "

Everything you say is quite true.

Quite true. But I still don't think

you were firm enough with him.

Hmm. Very interesting.

We owe to our constituents,

our people...

fair and unbiased representation.

I stand here,

the people's choice.

This is an issue

upon which I take a stand-

a grandstand!

I repeat.

I stand here the people's choice!

- I demand a lower tariff on haywire.

- I don't understand.

- I demand a lower tariff on haywire.

- Why, you snake.

After all we've been together

on every project...

I don't see why you shouldn't support me

on a lower tariff on haywire.

If you do support me

on a lower tariff for haywire...

then I'll support your demand

for a higher tariff on low wire.

The idea is for us to stick together.

Or, otherwise,

we'll never get along.

Ours is a beautiful friendship.

Yes, I can say that

it is an amazing friendship.

I'll go further than that

and say it is a beautiful friendship.

I can go a step farther than that

and say it is an everlasting friendship.

I'll go a first step further

than that and say-

Except, there isn't anything further.

In the stormy session of last spring,

who stood by my side?

You. In the darkest hour

of my political career...

who rallied to my support?

You. Who was closer to me

than my right hand?

Who was at my left side wh-

I don't understand why

you want to end our friendship.

All I ask you to do is support

my demand for a lower tariff on haywire.

If you do support my demand

for a lower tariff on haywire...

- I'll support your demand for a lower tariff on high wire.

- Everlasting friendship.

Well, we've been together for many years.

- What made pistachio nuts?

- But 16-inch guns do not mean naval supremacy.

I'm not sure inflation

is the best policy.

Mr. Cromwell seems to be

a nice fellow, doesn't he?

I don't think

he gets enough exercise.

- Do you suppose there's anything-

- Between him and Miss Adams?

- I hope so.

- You ought to investigate it.

That would be fun.

I say, that's a great act.

We can use you- five shows a day,

opening in Philadelphia tonight.

Shall we go to lunch?

- Do you feel like a little fish?

- Perhaps. How about the club?

Splendid. Let's walk.

I still don't understand why you won't support

my demand for a lower tariff on haywire.

After all we've been together

on every project-

You know, this is great.

This is just what I needed-

salt air, no telephones, no secretaries.

I thought it might

do you some good.

Why is everyone so anxious

to do me some good?

Because you've undertaken

an impossible task, Mr. Secretary.

You can't hope for the success

of your department in a lifetime...

- much less than the allotted 12 months.

- Oh, I don't know.

Reports from all over the country

show excellent results.

Merely hypodermic. The best

you can hope for is temporary effect.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Harly,

but I disagree with you.

If your manufacturers can sell

your products-your cigarettes...

your toothpaste, your cosmetics,

your automobiles-

by means of crooners,

comedians and dance orchestras...

well then I fail to see why

the government can't sell its idea...

of good health, good times

and good cheer through the same medium.

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