Standby Page #6

Hey, I'm gonna go and be twenty

somewhere. So... good luck.

- Where's this coming from?

- Where's it coming...

Alan, if you're not happy

with where you are in life,

you should be doing something about it.

Well, it's easy for you to say, Alice.

You know, you seem to be doing okay.

Oh, really? What's French

for 'We don't like your drawings'?

What do you mean?

I didn't know what it was either

until tonight.

You must think I'm such a f***ing idiot.

No, not at all.

God, we look so f***ing stupid.

I think your drawings are great, Alice.

I've had two.

- Two?

- Two.

- Two what?

- Jobs. Drawing in 18 months.

And now I'm... I'm...

I'm f***ed!

You okay?

Bazzer, it's the guards!

Hide the feckin' yokes!

- Oh, my God!

- Where are you goin'?

Alice!

Alan, I have a plane to catch in the morning.

I'm not spending the night in jail.

Jail? We don't get blamed

for anything here.

It's not safe!

I think that stuff's making you

a little bit paranoid.

- What the f***?

- She's freaking out. The cops are here.

- What?

- What if I fail a drug test?

What are Irish prisons like? I've never

even seen one, not on TV or anything!

Why is that? Is there something...

Do they make you do Irish dancing

and sh*t? Because I can't dance!

I can't dance at all!

What are you people hiding?

- Hey! Calm down!

- I am calm!

Do you trust me?

One, two, three.

Maybe show a bit of leg?

Yeah. I could flash out a man boob,

but it might cause an accident.

We'll get home eventually.

If it's any consolation about the job...

I'm pretty sure now is the best time

for things not to work out.

You think?

Who wants to be dealing

with this crap in their forties?

I mean,

you're forty...

which has its own problems.

I've been stood up at the altar.

Epic fail.

I was devastated,

but that is so much better than trying

to break up 20 years later.

And arguing over who owns

which Lonnie Donegan album.

He's great.

Yeah.

I should've known Wendy wasn't a keeper.

We picked the best time

to f*** this sh*t up is what I mean.

Right.

I guess a part of me always thought

that maybe you just met someone else,

and the internship thing

was just a cover.

I was just really scared.

My family was here. My friends.

My... career.

Probably another year...

before I even... thought of anyone else.

Same here.

Have you seen you?

I'm not saying I haven't made up for it.

We learn nothing from success.

- To failure.

- Absolutely.

- Is this tour of Dublin over?

- If you want.

And if I don't?

I know just the place.

- Have you got enough?

- Yeah. Just about. You?

Yeah, grand.

Can't believe you've never heard

of one of these before.

Yeah, well, we've had electricity

for a while. So...

- Jesus!

- Is it too hot?

Your feet are like ice!

Sorry.

Good night.

Yeah, sleep tight.

Why is it ribbed?

It just is.

My Granny's one was the same.

It seems like a lot of trouble

for a bottle.

Alan.

Alice! Alice, what time's your flight?

What time's your flight?

- What?

- What time's your flight?

Oh, f***!

Well, I guess we should be used

to saying goodbye at this stage.

Yeah.

- Let's stay in touch, though, this time.

- Definitely.

- What's her name?

- Alice Rothmayer.

- 'Roth' what?

- Rothmayer.

Okay, I've got you a seat,

but you really need to go now.

And no more funny business.

Thanks.

- Well, I guess this is it.

- Yeah.

Take care of yourself.

You too.

You forgot your passport.

You have to go now.

- I can bring you through.

- Okay, thanks.

- Take the jacket.

- No, no, keep it. It's not even mine.

- You really need to go now.

- Okay.

Alice.

Thanks for a great night.

It's what I'm here for.

You know, the first date I ever had

with your dad was such a disaster.

All he could talk about was his dog.

A couple of day later, he rings. I tell him,

'I don't think I can do another dog evening.'

He asked me to give him another chance.

We met up a week later.

Now, he'd spotted some books

I had in my bag before.

So in that week, he'd gone out

and bought them and read them.

I don't think we talked about dogs once.

Well, maybe once.

You can never tell how anything's

going to turn out. Nobody knows.

But a good memory is worth something.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Oh, sh*t!

I'm so proud of you, kiddo.

Why? I only ever mess things up.

You lose when you stop trying.

F*** it.

- You go home and get some rest.

- No, it's alright. It's busy.

That's an order.

Are you getting them?

Yeah.

It's a keeper, alright.

Final call on Aer Lingus

flight EI105 to New York.

This flight is now closing

through Gate 410.

Here's the great romancer.

You guys not working today?

Couldn't possibly face work

after that shite last night.

Actually, there's still

some beers in the fridge.

Bring us one of mine, would ya?

Did Alice get off okay?

Yeah.

That's not one of mine.

You know the beer I like.

- Jeez, would you look at yourself?

- What?

Look, not all women out there are trying

to screw you over every time, okay?

Some of them, maybe,

but there are lots of nice ones.

Once bitten, twice shy.

Joe, your wife left ya

because you're the kind of guy

that can fart his favourite TV theme tune,

and somewhere along the line,

that wasn't good enough for her.

Now, I'm sorry, but it's true.

Look, it's all painful, but if you're not in,

you can't win. You gotta take a chance.

You can't just give up.

A bit harsh.

- What are you doin'?

- What does it look like I'm doin'?

- Alan, this is crazy.

- Yeah, I know.

- What if she's a looper?

- Then I'll have a story to tell.

It's a long way to go.

I'll let you know how it got on.

Sorry, Joe, again.

It was the theme tune from 'Frasier'.

It's not easy to fart

'tossed salad and scrambled eggs'.

- Here, take some money.

- Dad, you've given me enough.

Think of it as relationship insurance.

There's always a room for you here.

I hope it works out for ya.

I have to go back.

I don't have to stay here.

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