Star 80 Page #4

SOME PHONE CALL.

HOW'S THE KID DOING?

SOUNDS LIKE IT'S

GOING REALLY RIGHT.

SHE WAS CALLING:

FROM HEF'S PLACE.

JOHNNY, BE A PAL AND POUR ME

ABOUT THAT MUCH SCOTCH.

SHE'S IN

THE MANSION?

BILLY JOE BATTON

IS MAKING A BIG PLAY FOR HER.

BILLY JOE BATTON

THE FOOTBALL PLAYER...

MAKING A MOVE:

ON DOROTHY?

AH, IT FIGURES.

THAT'S THE KIND

OF TOWN L.A. IS.

JESUS CHRIST... I'D

BE GOING OUTTA MY SKULL

IF BILLY JOE BATTON

WAS TRYING TO GE IN MY GIRL'S PANTS.

AH... WHAT'S HER NAME?

? OFF RAMP,

IT'S THE BEST ?

? TAKE ME OFF RAMP ?

? OFF RAMP ?

? YOU'RE MY BEST ?

? OFF RAMP ?

? DOO-DOO DOO-DOO

DOO-DOO DOO-DOO ?

? DOO-DOO DOO-DOO

DOO-DOO DOO-DOO ?

? OFF RAMP! ?

I DON'T LIKE TO DO, LIKE,

BLACK DUDES AND WHITE

DUDES KIND OF STUFF,

BUT THE THING I'VE NOTICED

ABOUT BLACK DUDES

AND WHITE DUDES:

IS THAT, LIKE, BLACK PEOPLE

CHASTISE THEIR KIDS MORE.

AND AS A RESULT,

YOU DON'T SEE BLACK PEOPLE

DOING CRAZY THINGS,

LIKE SHOOTING THE PRESIDENT.

THAT'S TRUE,

'CAUSE IF A BROTHER WOULD

HAVE SHOT THE PRESIDENT,

AS THEY WERE LEADING HIM

AWAY, IT'D BE LIKE,

"LOOK, MAN, JUST DON' TELL MY MAMA, MAN.

MY MAMA GONNA:

KILL ME, MAN..."

HERE SHE COMES.

THAT'S ROOM

217 AND 218.

AT THE BEVERLY:

HILTON.

NO, I CAN'T, REALLY.

OOPS. THAT'S NOT THE WAY

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

THAT'S CALLED

THE BUNNY DIP.

Dorothy:
PLAYBOY'S MOTTO

IS "THE GIRL NEXT DOOR."

THEY LOOK FOR GIRLS

THAT ARE WHOLESOME AND

FRESH AND YOUNG AND NAIVE.

THEY LOOK FOR ALL OF THAT,

SO MOST OF THOSE GIRLS

DO, UH, HAVE THAT TYPE

OF BACKGROUND.

YOU KNOW, SNIDER,

I HAVE THIS THEORY

ABOUT YOU.

OH, YOU DO, DO YOU?

I THINK THE REASON WHY

YOU'RE SO GOOD IN BED

IS BECAUSE YOU:

JUST PLAIN TRY HARDER.

I MEAN, BABY, YOU

PUT IN AN 8-HOUR DAY

IN 15 MINUTES.

HA HA HA!

Dorothy, on answering

machine:
HI, IT'S ME.

I CALLED EARLIER, TOO,

HOLD IT.

BUT I DIDN'T LEAVE A MESSAGE.

I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW

THAT I HAD TO WORK LATE,

BUT I'LL CALL AGAIN

WHEN I GET HOME.

OH, THANKS FOR THE FLOWERS.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

OOH, FLOWERS.

THESE MACHINES:

MAKE ME SO NERVOUS.

I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE

IF I DON'T TALK FAST,

MY 30 SECONDS WILL RUN OUT.

YES, I THINK IT WOULD BE

A TERRIFIC IDEA:

IF YOU TAKE EILEEN

TO THE CARNIVAL.

SHE'D LOVE IT.

JUST DON'T LET HER

EAT TOO MUCH JUNK FOOD.

I LOVE YOU. BYE.

WHEW, I MADE IT.

THAT MUST BE:

NUMBER ONE.

I BET YOU WAS:

SCARED AS HELL:

SHE WAS OU LAST NIGH DOIN' WHA WE JUST DID.

LOOK I GOT TO:

GET UP EARLY,

SO WHY DON'T YOU GE THE F*** OUTTA HERE?

? LET IT HANG OUT, BABY ?

? LET IT HANG OUT NOW ?

? NOW, NOW-NOW-NOW ?

? LET IT HANG OUT, BABY ?

? EVERYBODY WORK OUT ?

? SOOKIE, SOOKIE, SOOKIE,

SOOKIE ?

? SOOKIE SOOKIE SOOO! ?

? LET IT HANG OUT, BABY ?

? DO THE BOOMERANG... ?

WE GOT THE BEST ONE,

SWEETHEART.

WE GOT A MERCEDES.

? LET IT HANG OUT, BABY ?

WHAT CAN:

I GET YOU?

UH, 2 HOT DOGS,

MUSTARD AND RELISH,

2 ORANGE DRINKS, A BAG

OF POTATO CHIPS, FRIES.

AND 2 CARAMEL CORN.

BUT NO JUNK FOOD.

RIGHT?

RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, THAT HEALTH

FOOD'LL KILL YOU.

DON'T GO

ON THE ROCKET AGAIN.

THAT'S MY RIDE,

SWEETHEART.

EILEEN, STRAIGHTEN UP.

YOU'RE SLOUCHING AGAIN.

I KNOW...

YOU WANT ME TO LOOK

LIKE A CENTERFOLD.

HONEST?

YOU MEAN IT?

AUGUST.

OH, MR. HEFNER,

THANK YOU.

Woman:
MISS STRATTON,

WHAT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?

HOW DID SHE FEEL ABOU YOUR PHOTOS IN PLAYBOY?

I DON'T THINK SHE LIKED

IT AT ALL AT FIRST,

BUT THEN SHE STARTED

GETTING CALLS FROM

SEVERAL OF HER FRIENDS

CONGRATULATING HER,

AND SHE SAID TO ME,

"I FEEL

LIKE A MOVIE STAR."

I MEAN,

SHE WAS SO EXCITED.

$10,000!

THEY'RE GONNA

GIVE ME $10,000

FOR HAVING:

MY PICTURE TAKEN.

FEELS GOOD, HUH?

OH, YES. YES.

DOROTHY, DO YOU

REALLY LOVE ME?

YES. YES, I DO.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

HERE'S HOW

IT LAYS OUT THEN.

I'LL GRAB A PLANE

BY WEDNESDAY,

THURSDAY:

AT THE LATEST,

AND I'LL BE THERE.

WELL, I WOULDN' HAVE THAT MUCH TIME

TO SPEND WITH YOU.

IT'S LIKE THEY'VE GOT ME

RUNNING ALL DAY LONG.

THEN WHEN WE:

GET SOME TIME,

WE'LL JUST RUN OVER

TO VEGAS AND DO IT.

WE'LL JUST DO IT,

RIGHT?

DO IT? DO WHAT?

HOW ABOU GETTING MARRIED?

WE'LL GET MARRIED,

DOROTHY...

MAKE IT PERMANENT,

JUST LIKE THAT.

WE'LL MAKE I A PERMANENT TEAM...

FOR LIFE.

WE HAD EVERYTHING

GOING FOR US,

BUT YOU FUCKS:

WOULDN'T LET ME IN.

BIG F***ING DEAL.

WELL, YOU CAN TAKE

YOUR MAGAZINE,

YOUR MANSION,

AND YOUR MOVIES:

AND SHOVE THEM:

ALL UP YOUR ASS NOW.

LIAR!

I HAVE MISSED YOU.

I HAVE MISSED YOU

SO MUCH.

GUESS WE:

SHOULD GO, HUH?

SOMEBODY TOLD MR. HEFNER

I WAS GOING TO PICK YOU UP.

IT'S HIS PERSONAL CAR.

A LITTLE EMBARRASSING,

ISN'T IT?

NO.

? ...TO THE GULF

OF MEXICO ?

? TO LAKE CHARLES,

LOUISIANA ?

? LITTLE BESSIE GIRL

THAT I ONCE KNEW ?

? SHE TOLD ME JUST TO

COME ON BY ?

? IF THERE'S ANYTHING

THAT SHE COULD DO ?

? UP ON CRIPPLE CREEK,

SHE SENDS ME ?

? IF I SPRING A LEAK,

SHE MENDS ME ?

? I DON'T HAVE TO SPEAK,

SHE DEFENDS ME ?

? A DRUNKARD'S DREAM

IF I EVER DID SEE ONE ?

? GOOD-LUCK HAG,

SHE STUNG ME ?

? TO THE RACE TRACK

I DID GO... ?

HI.

HI.

YOU'RE DOROTHY.

WE MET THE OTHER

NIGHT.

OH, YES.

THIS IS PAUL SNIDER.

AND YOU ARE...

I'M SORRY. I FORGOT.

THAT'S OK. I'M...

VINCE ROBERTS.

I'M A BIG FAN.

THANKS.

HEY, LISTEN, THAT WAS

MY FAVORITE TV SHOW.

THANK YOU.

CANCELED, HUH?

YEAH.

ANY CHANCE THEY'LL

BRING IT BACK?

I DON' THINK SO.

AH, TOO BAD.

AREN'T MANY ACTORS

AROUND LIKE YOU.

THEY'RE ALL LIGHTWEIGHTS.

WE NEED HEAVYWEIGHTS

LIKE YOU.

YOU BREAK MY HEART.

JEEZ, IT'S BEEN A WHILE

SINCE THAT SHOW WAS ON.

WHAT IS IT,

A YEAR NOW?

IT'S BEEN 3 YEARS

SINCE YOU WERE ON TV?

YEAH.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

BAD SCRIPTS, HUH?

I GUESS SO.

DOROTHY,

THERE YOU ARE.

EXCUSE ME.

YEAH, YOU KNOW,

GOOD WRITERS ARE REALLY

HARD TO FIND OUT HERE.

I'VE GOT A COUPLE

OF PROJECTS IN MIND...

I COULD USE A GOOD WRITER,

AND I CAN'T FIND ANY.

I MEAN, NO A DECENT ONE, ANYWAY,

AND WHEN YOU DO,

THEY WON'T DO WHA YOU TELL 'EM TO DO.

YEAH. SOME WRITERS

ARE LIKE THAT.

WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME?

I'M JUST GONNA...

WELL, I FOR ONE

HOPE YOU'RE BACK

ON THE TUBE REAL SOON.

THANKS.

UM, ARE YOU WORKING

ON ANYTHING NEW NOW?

JUST READING.

JUST READING.

EXCUSE ME.

SEE YA, VINCE.

YOU SHOULD HAVE:

TALKED TO HIM.

THERE'S HEF.

STRAIGHTEN UP.

HI, DOROTHY.

LOOK AT HER.

OH, WOW...

ANYTIME.

OK.

I SEE YOU GOT HERE

ALL RIGHT.

MR. HEFNER,

THIS IS PAUL SNIDER.

PAUL, MR. HEFNER.

IF A MAN HAS A RIGH TO FIND GOD IN HIS OWN WAY,

HE HAS A RIGH TO GO TO THE DEVIL

IN HIS OWN WAY.

HERE'S ANOTHER ONE...

DESCRIPTIONS OF MURDER

WHICH WE CONSIDER A CRIME

ARE ACCEPTABLE IN AR AND LITERATURE,

BUT DESCRIPTIONS OF SEX

ARE PROHIBITED.

OUR SOCIETY:

HAS PUT HATE ABOVE LOVE,

FAVORED KILLING:

OVER LIVING.

RIGHT?

PRETTY CLOSE,

BUT I THINK:

I SAID "FAVORED

DEATH OVER LIFE."

WHAT? I DON' UNDERSTAND. WHAT?

HE'S QUOTING ME.

OLD ONES AT THAT.

THAT'S GREAT STUFF.

FINE PIECE OF WORK.

FINE...

GOD, I FEEL HEF HERE AND I

ARE OLD FRIENDS.

YOU KNOW, I THINK WE EVEN

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